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The nerve of some people. SMH One: I’m not that type of girl. Two: I don’t even know you.
Thirdly: What makes you think you would even have chance with me to begin with?
Just eww.. lol
Did you ask him if he wanted a cookie? I mean clearly he wanted some sort of reward or treat for his clearly minimal effort of being aroused.
I swear some people are just disgusting and clearly have no self worth or value of themselves. I seriously believe that some people forget this isn't tinder (I think that's what it's called).
I think I’m finally starting to understand this. How to handle it better.
It’s helping me understand other things too.
He was diagnosed with somatic delusions, but he has other delusions as well. Sometimes he’s fine until he’s not. A diagnoses is half the battle. I didn’t think it would be so validating for me to hear what I already knew for a few decades. Learning how to handle it when things get intense and he’s in the throws of it. His panic and fear when it escalates. Man when it’s bad it’s bad. It also explains the jealousy early on in our marriage being suspicious for no reason whatsoever that I was cheating on him. That hurt so much I would have never done that.
Then of course the grandiosity as well. It cycles through them all. The food hoarding because of wanting to be prepared for the apocalypse he thinks it coming. I don’t talk about my struggles a lot but I’m going through a shit ton trying to hold this ship together. It seems the older he gets the worse it gets so much so I asked him to get tested for dementia which didn’t help in the scheme of things but that is how he finally got the diagnosis.
Sometimes I think what if this part of us, this part right here, didn’t stop. If all the rest of the baggage wasn’t there to muddy the waters. It would be perfect. But then I think no I would be bored and disinterested too quickly. Most importantly it wouldn’t be all of you and that wouldn’t be fair to you. It wouldn’t be fair to push that part of you away. It’s just as much a part of me as it is you, that darkness, that is weaved in and out of us like an interconnected thread pulling us together. I didn’t plan this, couldn’t have even imagine in a million years that I would find myself hating you and loving you so much all at once. That if I hated that part of you that meant that I also hated that part of myself. You’re my reflection. My mirror.
You have made me question everything that I ever knew before. Asked me to look beyond. Challenged me. No one ever did that in the way you did. We are like two storms crashing into each other. I try to run from you but you’re always there everywhere I look. I can’t escape you. If I ran from you it means I’m running from myself. I have ran from that part of myself for far too long. Denied it. Pushed it down. Tried to cut it out of me. To stamp it out.
It’s a part of me, it’s me. Weather I want it. Weather they want it. It’s me.
I’m so tired of running.
My thoughts on “female solidarity”…
With the right group of females this is a great idea but not when you’re the female out, who doesn’t share the same views as your female counterparts it is not to your advantage. It has also not been my experience.
I tend to stay away from clicky female groups because most of them are like the mean girls in that one movie. It stems from trauma. I tend to stay away from people on social media in general anymore. I feel being a female is not generally helpful because of men’s constant sexual advances towards me which is unwarranted and unwanted.
Sadly I do prefer the company of men more than females and I don’t even prefer men because of the above reason.
So I prefer my own company. Or a one on one. Or one for two with two females who have no knowledge of the other which is my current set up. I know how isolation is detrimental to humans in general and trust me I suffer in silence most of the time because I’m usually the listener and voice of reason. Yea I know that sounds hard to believe.
I have trust issues especially with people on social media and just people in general. (Yea I know I already said that) Too many people don’t know when to mind their own business when it comes to certain situations as female solidarity goes. I feel that is how things blow out of proportion on social media. Everyone than comes to sensor or just black you out if you’re not with the majority rule. It has nothing to do with being a pick me girl (I had to look that word up because I don’t keep up with these new E words.) If anything I’m the leave me the fuck alone because I’m not dealing with your bullshit girl.
Just as it is human nature to judge it is in our makeup we are made to judge others but yet told not to do the very thing that’s in our nature to do. *sighs*
Truer words yet to be spoken Lunar. I do not fault women for their nature or judge them. It helps men associate and navigate relationships with women though. As women should also understand a man's nature.
I’m trying to understand them. I really am. Every person is so nuanced which makes it more difficult.
Boundaries
20:36 Apr 23 2025 Times Read: 303
I have been working on learning to set boundaries with people.
Three types of people will get nothing from me. Strangers, acquaintances and past or current toxic relationships.
If you see me being different with someone harsh, judgmental, no compromise, rigid. It’s because they messed up in the past with me or I don’t know them and they are trying to insert themselves into my life without my permission.
If you see me showing someone care it’s because I trust them to a certain degree. I’m still learning and sometimes I make mistakes.
I’m going to be honest I thought that one profile was Tabby and I don’t know who it is so this is the result. I don’t know who you are but you sure act like you know me and you’re hiding something so it makes me wary of you. It makes me not trust you because I know how people can be here. I will not willingly open myself up to that. I know how people love to blackmail and lie through their teeth about people especially when they are mad at you.
I understand people have their perspectives and opinions about me but that’s really none of my business.
I don’t even have enough rapport with you to value your opinions and vice versa. I don’t even know who you are.
Not to mention I wasn’t asking for feedback from you.
COMMENTS
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CuRsEdToDaRkNeSs
19:59 Apr 29 2025
Did you ask him if he wanted a cookie? I mean clearly he wanted some sort of reward or treat for his clearly minimal effort of being aroused.
I swear some people are just disgusting and clearly have no self worth or value of themselves. I seriously believe that some people forget this isn't tinder (I think that's what it's called).
LunarTides
20:26 Apr 29 2025
Right?! It is disgusting.