Friendship22:48 Dec 15 2005
Times Read: 730
Here's a blog I posted a little while back, and I got some good feedback and ranting and raving about it. I thought this would make for a very interresting Journal Post:
..MY POST #1
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Growing Up
Current mood: aggravated
This subject is one that I never thought I'd bitch and complain about. But now, I have to bitch and complain. All my friends are dissappearing.
Everyone around me is apparently growing up and moving onwards with their life. They're all getting married, or in a "serious" relationship, then ditching all the friends for their companion. It sucks like all hell. I mean seriously, I've gotten myself into a half-ass serious relationship, but I've never just up and ditched my friends, never speaking to them again. I make damn sure that I spend my quality time with all my friends weather it puts any kind of strain on my own relationship or not..serious as it may be.
I mean, I'm more than happy for my friends who found some kind of happiness in their life, but to just up and dissappear is kinda rediculous. Never call, never say hello, never speak and hold conversations like we used to.
Even the friends that I figured would never ever settle down has now become settled down, wich is a major shock considering apparently they had to change themselves somehow to be able to settle down.and they were the stubborn kind who always made sure to make everyone around them realize that they would not change for nothing and no one.
Everyone around me seems to be doing this now...and I'm sitting back thinking they're completely crazy and I feel like I'm losing my friends. I mean, I'm glad they are happy, when my friends are happy, then I am happy. And I'm not trying to be selfish, but i guess its comming off that way. I want my friends back. I'm tired of loosing them to the way the world works these days. I hate every minute of it. I cant help but to think that I should just disregaurd them like they never existed (like they do to me when they settle down) and just make new friends. But thats besides the point. I dont want new friends, I want the same ole ones, that I knew and loved.
I really would love to KILL who ever came up with the idea for "marriage" and all that lovely bullshit....and not to mention the social standards of society now....fuck them all!
anyways, I'm definately one person who will stay true to myself. I will never change. I'm much to stubborn and difficult for that. It's just to bad that I can't say the same for some of my friends. It's a horrible thing to witness. haha
seriously, I feel like an immortal being, who can just sit back and watch generations of people pass me by and watch them slowly die after years of a miserable life.
marriage is like death. and now I have to sit back and watch as most of my friends sell themselves out, completely change, and slowly die....
I guess thats why I limit myself to only a very few friends. I couldn't deal with going through this with a shitload of friends. I'm happy with the very few certain ones that I have left, and I only pray to god that they won't change and give in to that death of marriage.
~wOLVEN
...THE RESPONSE TO MY POST::
D.F.A.
*sighs* Your right marriage does change people, some for the good and some for the worst. I can speak on this since I hold the marriage title. But you are right when people do get married they loose sight of being with friends and people they were once close to...I mean just cause you hold the title of "marriage"shouldn't change you becuase all marriage is..is a more serious relationship that you can't get out of unless you like money draining lawyers and long court dates. But again marriage is just like dating so why change. Now heres the scene to which I see more people leave and never returns such as friends and that is when you have kids. Once you reproduce they look at you like the world has ended and stop comming around for fear of dealing with a little kid and having to be dare I say a little mature around the kid but again what does a kid have to do with who you are except you claim another title in this socitey of labels and that is the title "mother" so what big deal everyone has got them so why freak ya know but I agree with the whole friends deal of them leaving it is a load of fucking BULL SHIT but I guess that is enought ranting on my end ^_^
MY RESPONSE TO THE RESPONSE/ POST#2:
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I ever so completely agree with you. On everything you have said. But hell, I am a mother, and at only 23, I still have not lost sight of my friendships (the very few I have) I'm fighting in my relationship just so I can hang on by a thread to my friends.Damn, I'm only hanging on by a thread to my relationship as well. "There's never a happy medium" its always more on one side than the other, so I take a little away from both sides just to maintain the balance.
The friends that I have, (thank god) has accepted my son, and yet they have not changed in the way they view me or my life as their friend. In which I am grateful. My (very few) friends absolutely love and adore my son.
Its a true pity how most people can turn away from their friendships after someone has had a child. It shows true ignorance for them. Ever so naieve, and pitiful.
I have not lost sight of the way my life should be "Balanced" between motherhood, relationship, and friendships. And I feel as I'm about one of the most difficult people out there and I cannot manage to even keep my own mind or myself at that, straight, but yet I manage to balance the utmost difficult things to balance...the motherly ways, the relationship and the friendships. So what I dont get, is how someone as simple and not-so-bright as I am can pull ahead and manage this better than most Steady, stable, "stable-minded" people can.
Once again the tables of life are turning, and once again I am in confusion.
I do know this though, I choose my friends very wisely and carefully now. There's a great line between "friends" and "aquaintances." I know I have very very few friends, but many aquaintances. And I am able to accept that, and to keep myself, my heart, soul, and emotions safe, then I choose for that to never change. I feel great knowing I do not have many "friends", (the less I have to watch my back.) Friendship is not a "populartiy contest" to me as it may be to many, many others out there.
Its a shame, I can sit back and watch the world around me collapse in certain ways. The world is changing too much, each generation is getting closer and closer to losing sight of the realities of what life could have possibly meant. Theres much more deciete, lies, and backstabbing between people and friends these days. It's like it all has become a "habit" of causing such emotional harm.Like it's now a trend to hurt those around you, just for the simple sake of reputation...which all leads back to popularity.
(I better shut up now, I could go on and on with this) ;)
~Wolven
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