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Dear Travis,



I want to go out! I've spent my summer, so far inside, locked in my house with absolutely nothing to do! It's so non-icy! Something I know Tally would agree with me. :P But seriously! An to top it all off, Umi called and I didn't even know because my phone was in my room the whole day. Alex called me too and I was in the room at the time so I answered. An he said he was at the park!! Waiting for Umi, we were gonna meet there, but since I didn't answer her calls before I couldn't go cause it was late and my dad would surely say no.

Sucks, Travis.

I missed out on going out all because I didn't have my phone with me! I'm kinda mad at myself for it, but I won't beat myself up because of it, there's always next time.

Plus, I'm suppose to talk to Charles tonight anyway, he said he wanted to talk, but not in a serious, I'm-gonna-break-with-you kinda way. More like let's-talk-about ______ (whatever),kinda way.

So yea. I'll be waiting for him since I have nothing better to do anyway. >.<

Dear Travis,



Hey.

Nothing much is happening, but i do find myself wanting him more and more each passing day. Although, sometimes I want him to stay as far away from as he can. Our arguments hurt more then anything, and it's usually comes down to the same thing. Always something to do with the same thing, why? I want him, I do, but when we argue it really gets to me and awful thoughts come to mine. Thoughts I need to erase and I shouldn't ever think.

I love him, I do, but what can I do?

I want him, I do, but when can I finally have him?

I don't like to wait, Travis. You know I don't, but for him I will 'cause I love him. Maybe he'll be able to be with me my Senior prom night. I hope he can, he said maybe this winter or next summer. But what will I do when I finally have him? After all the wait is over? Will he still love me? Or not..?

You know, I dreamt of Juliet the night before. She looked so beautiful with her honey colored eyes, dark hair and light skin. She was so small, I hope I can see her soon ... I didn't want to wake up that morning 'cause I'd have to leave her again. I wonder when I'll be able to see her again? For reals this time. Or will Aero be the first? Or ... might I never see her again? That would break my heart. 'cause I've only discovered how much I want her now.

Before I didn't, I wanted Aero 'cause he's a boy and girls are so hard to raise. I want Juliet now though. Hopefully, Charles will be able to bring her back to me. He thought it was nice I dreamt of her, wanted me to describe her to him. I did. I think he wants her too, maybe not as much as Aero, but I think he still wants her too. Maybe not as much as I do now, that I've dreamt of her, but he does.

Maybe in the future we'll be able to finally be together and be one happy family! :] I hope so, I know Charles can't wait 'til that happens. I'm still young, he knows, I can't be a mother yet. He understands. I have to wait at least two more years before I can, but even before that I still have to continue school. 'Cause I'm gonna be the best Engineer or scientist! :]

I know, my writing is filled with a lot of confusion and my mind is all over the place, but that's how I write. :P