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MrMean's Journal

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12 entries this month

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13:12 Feb 28 2020
Times Read: 417

There's a darkness calling from the face of the deep
A kindred heartbeat in this chamber that I keep
Am
I
Cold
Enough to do what must be done?
Am
I
Just
Dead enough under the sun?

am i dead enough
for you?

Sign of doom from the moon marks my doom with a murder
Of black crows from below of vile shows echo thunder

Malice dawns on twilit sorrow
And taints the crime scene tomorrow

Wash me away with draconian tears
And embrace me close with all of your fears
Falling free to the end of the rope
There is nothing left, miscued

May I dare to hope
If I'm dead enough

FOR YOU

The night has a harlot with eyes like the abyss
Sanguinary beckon me closer for one last kiss
Am
I
Weak
Enough to succumb to the black?
Am
I
Strong
Enough to never come back?

am i strong enough
for you?

The stone grey on my grave with decay weeping venom
Anguished cries, why oh why, as you die deny heaven

Malice dawns on twilit sorrow
And taints the crime scene tomorrow

Wash me away with draconian tears
And embrace me close with all of your fears
Falling free to the end of the rope
There is nothing left, miscued

May I dare to hope
If I'm dead enough

FOR YOU

REACH OUT TO TOUCH GOD
REACH OUT FOR SALVATION
REACH OUT FOR SOME HOPE
AND IT PUSHES YOU AWAY

INTO THE ARMS OF DAMNATION

Malice dawns on twilit sorrow
And taints the crime scene tomorrow

Wash me away with draconian tears
And embrace me close with all of your fears
Falling free to the end of the rope
There is nothing left

May I dare to hope
If I'm dead enough

FOR YOU

COMMENTS

18:12 Feb 17 2020
Times Read: 457

COMMENTS

18:42 Feb 15 2020
Times Read: 471

recognizing the sadness in everyday; whether or not a good or "misguided" soul has gone away; emotions are either some how managed, suppressed, or on full fledged display;

one observes a collision course, from the sidelines of this human race;
there's an abundance of things to face;
neverending battles under way;

one may acknowledge bruteness; one may be "covered" with "grace"; one may remain silent; one may have more or less to say; one may see black or white, while one may see shades of grey;

one may participate; one may have pulled away; perspective is something that's in the dna;

one's personal body(my own body); one struggles to embrace; one moment there's attachments(people, places, things) leading one to observate;

shifts, and splits awaiting at one's wake;
soap opera series, with commercial breaks; viewing from a distance or close up to one's face; peace appears as scarce food on a plate;

perspective is acknowledged towards one's fate; observing til the day one's self behind those drapes....

COMMENTS

15:03 Feb 12 2020
Times Read: 494

This demon in me
Is no dormant creature
If it exists at all
Then she lives through whispers

Like secret messages
Tapped over the airwaves
The words pulse
Straight to my brain

She knows my weakness
Constant reminders of failure
There’s no peaceful retreat
From the mental assault

In nightmares
I see the glint in red eyes
The glint of cold hard steel
About to slice skin

I’m sure if I bled
That would never be enough
A slow torturous death
Her only satisfaction

I’m the number She calls
Promising relief from the noise
A broken joker
She feds her lies to

Needs my pain
Wants me to beg
Crawl for mercy
Her game Her rules

Just the puppet
To her sick fantasy
A blackened soul
Who loves misery

COMMENTS

Sjakalina
21:44 Feb 12 2020

nice

12:33 Feb 10 2020
Times Read: 519

Have you any clue whatsoever?
I have a world of doubt
I've snuck into backrooms
To view the acts of darkness
I've been the punching bag
But I too am filled with violence
I could rip each layer of skin off
While locking eyes
Fading from consciousness
Demons are inside us all

Evil

Spread like a plague
We all have our moments
To cower and to beg
We've all been the victim
Turned guilty
And I live with regrets
Spread like a plague
We all have our moments
Where justice seems vague

Evil.

COMMENTS

15:41 Feb 09 2020
Times Read: 543

Words
useless
Empty
Untrue
Actions
Crush
Scar
Destroy

Hearts
Shattered
Confused
Irreparable

Love
Words
Actions
Heart

Voice
Mock
Disempower
Blame

Abuse
Words
Actions
Mental

Mistakes
Re-occurring
Lies
Deceit

Help
Conditionless
Non judgemental
Selfless

Choices
Personal
Free
Two

Life
Fullest
Abundance
Hope

COMMENTS

20:01 Feb 07 2020
Times Read: 559

Untamed emotions
dressed as compassion,
mercy is an illusion;
a life of lies is unhidden
to those chosen
for the holocaust.
The victim is washed,
presented at the altar
as mankind's ego
is sated by the offering;
the divinity, appalled,
withdraws.
Were you there?
Have you looked
into his eyes?
He has no heritage;
rejected by those
he loved, casting
his heart as a shadow
before their nudity.
Outcast because
his mind saw
beyond the present,
trying to look away
from the shit that
was thrown upon him.
He lifted his eyes
towards delusions,
he was brought to death
for his confusion.
Let him bear
his crime as
the darkness settles;
he will drink his poison
as a choice of redemption.
No more chastising
for a life filled
by false promises.
The blade shines
in the dying sun.
Straight through
the heart;
his calvary is done.

COMMENTS

15:52 Feb 07 2020
Times Read: 570

COMMENTS

15:47 Feb 06 2020
Times Read: 592

This place seems like home.
So silent and isolated.
Nothing lays wake no movement.

The air is sufficated.
For this feeling stays, deaths approvement.
We are alone.

Is this our damnation?
We remain forsaken.
So many of us have fallen.

Elimination.
Our wasteland.

COMMENTS

09:34 Feb 04 2020
Times Read: 635

So close to the surface, Crawling away at the walls that confine it.

But so far to resistance, The feeling of unbearable temptations.

What rises from the cold, And gives way for hopelessness.

And ashes of ruins, That smother the air causing a burning in the back of the throat.

Is the beast, Who manifested from something that was beyond evil.

I hide it, Under the countless attempts of clarity.

Within my head, Is a bomb ready to go off like a nuclear war.

It screams, For the voices in my head never stop speaking.

Crying out its darkest of fantasies, That would make my mother cry.

Harming those in which I have taken a liking too, My colleagues.

Saying so much, But with so much un spoken.

With little patience, And overwhelming devilish thoughts.

Sending a violate pain throw out my body, Letting me know what hatred was held within.

Making me shake, In fear.

Unsteady, words like thread, Strings in which keep me together.

The monster cuts and pulls at them, With every tug and snip.

I don’t know what time, Or how long they will hold.

I will finally break, Giving way the worst of me.

Becoming what I feared, And desperately tried to get control over.

My true nature, That lingers in the sorrow and misery of my heart.

In which was caged for years, Wanting me lose my restraint.

Still waits for the chance, In which I am weaken.

For the door to unlock, And let the path way of a disturbing creature.

Reminiscing of what I or the Monster did before, The horrible things I committed.

Harming the little ones of blood relation, The family.

It doesn’t care if it gets hurt in the process, Its what pride of what scars it has received from the hunt.

It doesn’t care if I’m in the worst of anguish and sorrow, Of the harmful guilt.

Its just apart of the after effect for it, Has got another victim in its grasp.

Igniting the anger even more, For I have come to despise this side of me.

The beast smiles with every victory of bringing, A trophy.

The victim to tears, killing their sanity and Making serve carving mad as I am.

Breaking their skin, Making way to view the curiosity of what lays underneath.

It wants the RED to spill out, To flow over.

And taint its grinning face, For it will only hunger for more.

Every victim says the same thing, Over and over.

“The Red Eyes! Why wont you just die?!”

The Monster only stays silent, For what reason is there too.

For it never speaks, Well not of kindly words.

No answer, For what id does is gruesome.

For the actions that take place, And deemed as a killers playground.

Is the sight of hell in its physical form, With a demon.

For when you look into those red eyes, They know that its all over.

No reflection, no remorse, just nothing.

Its not easy to swallow, For it is Disgusting.

Its not easy to change, For it as been clinging to me to the point that we are one.

Its not easy to escape, For it will stay for the cracks to break even more.

I’ve tried everything, Medication, Therapy, and exercises to calm the sleeping beast.

But to no result, For it is hilarious in its eyes to even try to push back.

The Monster is chained to me, The rusty shackles with a new lock every-time.

As I to it, The day in which I finally let the monster consume whole.

These wounds, Are its prideful awards.

These fast heart beats, Are its addiction.

No weapon is used, For what use is an item.

The limbs it has is all but enough, To for fill its nightmares.

Nothing is good enough, Its never good enough.

To accompany the sinful deeds, One in which will damn me.

To the fullest extent, Its stronger then it looks.

Bringing men to their knees, In which the bible would stick the fear of the things that can not be understood by their simple minded thought process.

Pulling the intestines out of the shell of what the men use to be, Making a meal of them.

Is it okay? That I'm terrified of the day it gets out?

(They Will Be Afraid of Me).

Would they understand? That this isn’t me.

(This IS What I Truly Am).

Would apologies be enough.

(No Words Can Make Up For What I Had Done).

All to a certain expense.

(Its All Worth It In The End).

Would I be deemed or welcomed again.

(An Corrupt Creature Among The Innocent).

Or will they exile me.

(I Never Belong in This World).

Putting me under the gallows.

(Let My Head Roll, This Face Was Never Fitting).

For Punishment was merely not as suitable.

(Not even the Unsightly Punishments That Hell Serves Is Enough For Me).

For what the Monster did.

(They All Should Tremble, And Beg For Mercy).

Judgment will be casted soon.

(But Will It Be Soon Enough, I’ve Already Killed So Many).

My friends watchful eyes.

(How About Make Them Blind, Actually I Like It When They Watch).

May soon catch glimpses.

(I Enjoy A Audience!)

Of the rampage.

(Its The Fucking End Is What It IS!)

And carnage.

(Carnage Is To Politely Of a Word For What I Did).

That lays waste.

(Emptiness Is Perfection, Murder Is Beauty).

My time so be little-ling.

(I’m Closure Then You Realize).

Its almost suffocating me.

(Its Intoxicating!)

But provoking.

(Keep Going! It Will Bring Me Great Pleasure With Seeing You Scream!).

The Other Me.

(The True ME!).

COMMENTS

22:42 Feb 02 2020
Times Read: 661

COMMENTS

ReaperSoulMate
01:10 Feb 03 2020

I love the song

14:37 Feb 02 2020
Times Read: 674

Walking Among My Demons.
I Cant Speak Nor Condone To What.

Or May Be Said.

For This . . . Is Something Out Of My Hands.
Out Of Something Else Mouth, That Has Been Spoken Through My Lips.

But I Don’t Love The Misfortune They Cause To Those Who Deserve, Or Come In Contact With My Demons.

Let The Blood Trickle Down Their Spines, Leave The Damned Screaming.
Skin Boil To Blisters, And Linger The Smell Of Infection.

The Ropes Hang High On The Branches Of Guilt.

But The Bodies Heads Hang Low, When Taking Flight.
Grasps For Mercy Touch Burn With The Pits Of Flames Hatred.

My Eyes Are Not The Sight That Was Given.

Rather Blood Shot Anger Collapses Down Over My Common Sense.

Demons Oh, My Demons.

Sins Ah, Sins Of Many.

Deeds Darkly Caste And Plastered Upon My Face.

Grin Spread Upon The Red Beasts.

For In My Mind, I Imagine Carnage, Rampage, And Nightmares.

Victims! The Victims!

Finally I’ve Found You!

In That Deep Sinister Voice That Warned Me Once.
Now Twice, The Sanity Speaks Of Caution.

“Turmoil” Is What I Call Him.

Welcoming The Sick Images In My Head.

Am I Normal Or Quit Far From That Word?

I Just Cant Resist The Temptation Of Going A Bit “Naughty”.
These Demons Keep Sending Gut Wrenching Dreams.

Too Bad, That I Fucking Love Them!!!

I Seem Scared Don’t I?

That’s Just Excitement Bitch!

I Like Being Spectator, I Love Being The Killer Though Just A Little More.
Ill Blame My Doings On Bad Behavior.

Can You Solve My Demons Out, Or Will It Be To Much?

I’m The Monster Born Of Things That Have Not Been Seen.

A Monster I Will Stay To Be.

Can You See My Sharp Stained Teeth?

Can You Look In My Red Gaze?

I’m Made Of The Things That You Couldn’t Be.

Promise You Wont Scream?

I Want To Be Free Among The Living.
Watching My Victims While They Slumber, Under The Bed I Will Wait.

If They Find Me, Will They Hide?

Run?

I Don’t Mind, They Seen The Horrors Beneath My Stare.
Fear Is What Makes Them Look For Salvation.

But I’m The Purest Form Of Damnation.

Can You Hear The Words I Whisper?

The Horrible Things I Speak In A Tongue That Would Have Been Set A Blaze At The Stake.

Would You Believe Me?

If I Said I Tried To Be Sane?

I Cant Hide It Anymore, I Never Wanted To Have This Burden.

But . . .

It Came To Me Like A Disease.

With No Escape.

I Turned Into A Monster.

Weakness Befalls Thee, It Gets Stronger Now.

A Monster.

With Demons.

COMMENTS

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