"he does't want to be with me if i'm not sub " clearly you didn't understand what I was trying to explain to you all day eysterday. Stop trying to make me sound like a horrible person. You're not being abused, you're not being too mistreated. I have just been easily angered these past few days, I'm sorry. But how come when ever I'm angry with you all of a sudden I don't love you? After everything I'vre done for you these past 2 years, a few spouts of anger and I don't love you anymore. Do you forget? All the times I comforted you during all of the problems you had at home. Annette's abuse, charlie's abuse, chris's insanity. I have done a lot for you and I hardly get any respect for it. Instead i'm always the easy target bad guy when ever you feel liek having a VR audience.
Yes I made a horrible mistake yesterday and I know no matter how many times I say I'm sorry it doesn't make up for it but again, I thought you took something near and dear to me and that is unforgivable. You hurt me just as much as I hurt you. And yet I still call you right back.
I am good to you Jessie. Although I have my mistakes, my slip ups don't make me the devil.
"i demand nothing less than love and respect and if i can't have that then i'm not giving it to him." You don't deserve my respect. I've never got it from you. You say you respect me but, like you, I look for actions and other than saying "I respect you" you've done nothing. You will not get any respect from me until you show some that has been long overdue. If you want to leave then fine. I'm tired anyway. All I do for you never means a thing, only the bad gets talked about while I almost always have good things to say about you. You're talking about things being one sided? You don't even know the meaning of the phrase.
I still love you and I want our relationship to work more than anything. It's you that I'm not sure about.
My fiance and I had our first chess match ever!!!
And damn was it fun!
I'm a decent chess player, not in any league or anything and on a scale of 1 to 10 i'd go so far as to say I'm 6,
My fiance, DeirdreL is a 4, mainly because she hasn't played in a while. I can tell that when she has more practice she'll give me a real run for my money.
My chess strategy is a mix between hit and run and the sacrafical lamb. I never have my pieces in enemy lines for long, just small, short attacks on enemy key pieces to limit their mobility. And I also sacrafice pieces when I no longer have use of them to take out key pieces as well. DeirdreL fell for that severla times, partially because i think she wasn't paying attention to the surrounding pieces and focusing on the taking of mine. That happened with the quen, her rook, her bishup, both bishups i mean, her knight and about 6 pawns.
DeirdreL is still developing her playing style. I noticed her using the scarafical lamb strategy as well and combining that with several defensive plans.
One key thing that she needs to learn is how to control the flow of the battle. I know she's submissive, and I love that about her but you can't be submissive in chess. If the enemy controlls the flow they control every action you do and while I don't control it from her territory like the experts do, I control it indirectly through my hit and run.
I've been told by experts who beat me that the hit and run isn't the best strategy but it's my style so good or bad, i'm sticking with it. hahaha
DeirdreL shows a lot of potential and I can't wait until she gets better. It will make it so much more entertaiing to be put on the ropes, (figurativly speaking). But all in all it was a great match. Can't wait to do it again!!!
This happened just 10 minuets ago, kinda fraked me out a tiny bit.
I had just woken up and walked out into the kitchen to get an apple for breakfast. I got the apple, sat down at the table and started eating it, just liek i do every day that I've been liviing at my grandpa's. When i finished it i got up, walked over to the trach and and threw it away. Just then I heard the sound of a quarter being flipped. You know that kinda "ting" sound it makes when someone flips it hard with their thumb? That's basically the noise I heard. I turned around to see a quarter fall onto te kitchen floor, comming from the family room, which you can see everything in from the kitchen. I knew he wasn't there but i still looked around the room for my grandpa, didn't find him and my dad was and still is asleep in his room. So, slightly amused and slightly freaked out I took the qaurter and come on here because i wanted to tell someone but no one's awake. hahahaha
I've told DeirdreL that this house is haunted and now i got a weird symbol of proof. The host gave me a tip. hahahaha Only a quarter though...the cheap bastard.
Last week we had a debate in science class about Evolution and I learned to my horrifying suprise that about half the class was on the side of creationism. I really don't understand why people insist that creationism is truth and evolution is the lie when there's so much evidence for evolution and hardly any if at all for creationism. I mean, there's fossil evidence for one. That right there blows the "earth is only 6,000 years old" assumption out of the water. Then there's the fact that we've actually seen evolution happen! We've recorded and analyzed genes of thousands and thousands of animals and seen them mutate over time. We've found most of the links to common ancesters in many organism. So, so much stuff pointing to evolution and yet people still use the god card because they're too scared to admit that god didn't create everything to be frigin perfect.
I'm gonna say right now that I do believe in a higher power. I believe that something set everything into motion and is now sitting back and observing. I do not think for a second that anything but the very first organisims on this planet were aided in their creation and I definitely do not believe that man kind was hand picked by god. In fact, I believe that if we were to reset the clock back to the very begining of earth's creation and watched it progress that there's a good chance we wouldn't even been here. Evolution happens in somewhat random ways with the enviroment around an organism so all that would be needed to alter the creation of the human race is an alteration of climate in a key area, or a key species being unable to adapt.
These creationist people are brainwashed into thinking that they're special. That god created everything for a specif purpose. There is absolutly no evidence to suggest that what so ever aside from hear say. And for some reason people value people's opinions more than detailed research. Personally I think that's the case because people are too incompitant to understand the detailed information and just saying that god created everything solves all the unanswerable questions. These people would rather find an easy explanation to something this sophisticated and mysterious than try to understand it. It makes me sick.
I can't understand how people can be so blissfully ignorant to things like this. They act like the church is the absolute truth for everything and ignore any evidence to the contrary. The church has been wrong many times before! Is the world flat? Hell no. Is the earth in the center of the universe? Of course not. But at one time people believed that the earht was flat and that it is in the center of the universe. Why? Because they took the word of the church and were either too ignorant or too lazy to figure things out on their own.
People need to realize that while the church can provide guidence to people and help them live their lives, it can also brainwash you and fill your head with utter nonsense. Think about it. You trust the preist to give you the word of god, to tell you what god wants of you. What if the preist decided to fuck wit your mind? In todays world I don't think it would be as easy as it was say 100 years ago because people now come with a small built in bull-shit detector but it could still happen. All a preist has to do is be convincing enough. He could tell you whatever he wanted do and who's going to question him? Because questioning the preist is like questioning god. The same with the bible. A great tool for helping confused people find a place in life but it was written by men, and it doesn't matter how far back in history it was made, all men have ambitions, and all men have their own viewpoints. The bible is said to be the word of god but couldn't it really just be the word of man? It could be what godexpects of the human race, or it could be what some man invisioned the human race to be. Even if the original bible was really what god wants of man kind, it has been remade countless time with passages added and removed to fit the ideals of that given relisous figure. With each revision the bible becomes less of an instrument of guidence and closer to a manipulative tool. This was especially true during the times when the king of a country was also the head of the church. He would use religion to control his subjects but putting his values and his wants in with that of god.
And now saddly I'm out of time ot rant, although there is much more i'd liek to say. I'm out of time.
this is a journal about a great war I had on the Dynasty Warriors 6 Empires game. For anyone who doesn't know chinese history the game is based on the Three Kingdoms period of China, during the time of Wei, Wu and Shu, a little before Sun Tzu wrote his books.
I picked the scinario called the Battle of Guan Du. The game is broken into scinarios instead of going from the start of the chaos to the end like it used to but I make the best of it. In this scinario, Cao Cao controls the capital and a few territories to the left and right of it. Yuan Shao controls the entier north east section of China with the exception of one territory that Lu Bu controls, that territory is wedged between the two armies. Lieu Bei as just under Lu Bu and Sun Ce is just under Lieu Bei's. From there all of central and western China is controlled by smaller rulers who, as far as the game is concerned unsignificant but they did actually play some important roles in the historical events. I chose Lieu Bei's army to use because I like his ideals and wanted to see if I could win the game without using any of the custom made officers I made for earlier games.
-For about 4 game years I was on constant defense. Coa Cao and Sun Ce were attacking me one after the other again and again and again. The rest of the country was at a stand still, I guess the smaller rulers were happy with the small chunks of land they got. Finally Sun Ce took my territory bu targeting Lieu Bei when I was controlling Guan Yu. I was defendingthe front lines from the majority of the enemy officers and the officer I had guarding Lieu Bei, Mi Zhu decided to defect to Sun Ce's side. He didn't defeat Lieu Bei but that helped the enemy to secure positions around the main base and ultimatly route Lieu Bei before I ould retreat back.
-From there Lieu Bei and his key officers Guan yu and Zhang Fei joined Lieu Biao's army who was the largets of the lesser rulers. (This actually happened historically so I found that kinda funny. I didn't intentionally follow the historic route but since they had the biggest territoty, it was a smart move.) I stayed in that army for about half a game year before realizing that we were carrying the army and it would be easy to take down. So, Lieu Bei and his officers more or less started a coup and took control of one of Lieu Biao's territories. (again actually happened. Historically that move is what gave Lieu Bei the ability to form the Shu empire.) During all of this, Sun Ce took what historically would be all of Wu province. The territories along the eastern coast of China and Cao Cao and Yuan Shao were trying to take out Lu Bu, much like what happened to me at the begining but Lu Bu held strong.
-Then, instead of fighting Lieu Biao directly I took over the other smaller rulers in western china, saving him for last and managed to build up a small empire in the process. Sun Ce was busy fighting the Nanman (a chinese indian tribe) and Cao Cao and Yuan shao finally gave up on defeating Lu Bu and tried to fight each other, going around Lu Bu as best they could.
-Sun Ce gave up on fighting the Nanman and turned his attention to Lieu Biao. From there it was a race between Lieu Bei and Sun Ce for the remaining territory. Sun Ce got 2 and Lieu Bei got 1. After a long and drawn out 3 year war Cao Cao finally defeated Yuan shao's army and managed to defeat Lu Bu's the following month, giving Cao Cao complete control of northern china except for 2 territories held by the ruler Ma Teng on the western border.
-I waged a small war against sun Ce for the 2 territories he took, managing to capture both and defend both from countless attacks. Cao Cao finally managed to defeat Ma Teng and the whole country was split into the 3 actual kindgdoms of Wei (cao cao) Wu (sun Ce, historically Sun ce is supposed to die and Sun Quan takes his place but that didn't happen) and Shu (Lieu Bei). The Nanman are there two in their single jungle territory in the lower left corner. This point lasted for aboyt 5 game years where all sides were massing their forces for battle. I broke that peace by removing the Nanman from the map, gaining control of the jungle. Wu followed that up with an attack on the jungle, taking it from Shu. I lost that because I underestimated the attack power of Lu Meng. It wasn't a tactical error, Lu Meng just kicked Zhang Fei's ass.
-Shu took it back after 2 attempts and then all three sides started attacking each other but because each force was built of up about equal strength they were unable to take a territory from each other. The balance in power shifted when Shu captured Sun Quan, a Wu officer at this point, and a very strong one as well as Lu Xun, the Wu stratigest. Wei also captured Zhou Tai, another officer and Sun xhang Zhang, who was Sun Ce's sister. From there, Wu was the weaker of the 3 armies and Wei and Shu raced to get territory. That ended with Shu gaining 5 territories and Wei gaining 2.
-There was another stand still between both forces for another 2 years until I maed the first strike on Wei, taking the capital of China and splitting his forces in half. I would have marched on the rest of his territory but one of my officers decided to declair independance and captured one of Shu's southern territories. While I was busy cleaning that mess up, Wei retook the capital.
-Both sides were in a deadlock from this point and that would remain so until Lu Bu, who Cao Cao brought into his army, decided ot declaire independance as well. Cao Cao was unable ot quell that uprising for several months, giving me time to widdle down his forces and take over western china. From theere it was sort of a mop up campaign as Cao cao tried to fight back with infereior forces. Shu swept through the territories and unified the ountry a few months later. Winning the game.
Historically Shu gets defeated and Lieu Bei dies but it's nice for the underdog army to win at least in the game. Damn it was a fun fight!
My dad's always been a tough person. Footbal player, hocky player, weight lifter. He's definitely a strong person, but damn.
About a week ago he was replacing osme kind of security camera at a job site and something bit the crap out of his leg. Got 5 different bites that made his leg swell up really bad. The swelling didn't go down at all for a few days so he went ot the doctors to see what he got bit by. turns out he got bit 5 times by a black widow spider. They were able ot treat it but it would cost a little over $200. My dad said no to the treatment and just shook it off like the bites don't even matter. I don't know if getting bit by a black widow is a big deal but I've always heard that it was deadly within a few hours. and ot get bit 5 times and shrug it off....damn. Go dad!
I'm getting a little better at this every day. I finally managed to give the characters of my game mobile sight. Meaning the enemy characters can see in front of them as they walk. It sounds simple but it took me a litle while to work all the bugs out. I'm finally able to implament sneaking into my game now though! YES!!!
Ok, today wen I got home I tried to put my game demo onto a flash drive so i can show it to the "co-writer" to see what he thinks. I went to compress the file and i got a critical error, the game wouldn't even start. I think my pulse stopped for a good half hour. hahahaha. I had to trouble shoot through over 4 thousand files to find the cause of this error. Finally I found the RGSS Player was currupted, and was able to download a new one to fix the error. Everything works fine now but damn!!! Good thing the error did come up though, the currupted file had a virus on it which would have infected any PC i gave the demo to. It's all clean now though, i scanned each file myself to make sure. God i'm relieved.
I know I've never been good with girls but damn, tonight went from great to all wrong. It was on thsi game, Second Life. Me and my kajira, morgain were um....doing what we like to do........um....sex.....hahaha, that of course was great but we were more or less renting a public room. When we were...um...done, I left the room so the next couple could use it, she stayed in there and thought she did something wrong because I "left her". I waited right outside the door but she didn't follow for the longest time. Then she was saying that I didn't let her...um....finish and I told her that there was no emotion/pose for that. Then I said if she was gonna nag me on it I was going to bed. She apologized and said she wasn't nagging. then, I was getting her gift ready that I got a last night with the little bit of money I scrounged up, but she logged out and wouldn't talk to me on here when she got on. I didn't do anything!
Well, then I sold her gift. hahahaha She deserves it. I'll gladly get her another one but she's gonna have to earn it, and use her head at the same time. I found this maze with riddles on second life that I'm gonna make her complete to earn her gift back. Should be amusing for me.
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