Battle of the Believers20:10 Feb 08 2007
Times Read: 583
Thud! Thud! Thud! came the knock on my door
I opened it to someone I've never seen before
"Tell me, dear sister, have you found my god?"
Honestly? I found her question quite odd
"I wasn't even aware god was missing."
She seemed quite amazed, her religion I was dissing
Then, all of a sudden, a hand from the right
Thrust me a bible, saying, "Read this all night!
Read all the tales of pain, death, and sorrow.
Now, don't miss a thing, you'll be tested tomorrow!
Soon after that you'll be forced to dress up
And eat stale bread and drink wine from a cup
Out of which the entire community has sipped--
Don't ask about germs, or you'll surely be whipped!
We'll then make you get on your knees and confess,
Tell the envious man how your life is a mess.
And then some time later, you'll pick a new name
We'll put oil on your head to remove all your shame.
Now go, read your bible, in god's name I implore you.
The Catholic church will decide what's best for you."
My head started spinning from all of this blither
When into my yard I saw someone else slither:
A little old grandma, clutching a menorah,
She showed me a scroll, saying "Come, read the Torah."
The scroll was completely covered in squiggles
I just couldn't help it, it gave me the giggles
"Oy! Shame on you!" she spat through her knuckles
"The words of our god shouldn't give you the chuckles!"
Her stern, angry face only made me laugh more
As, yes, yet another one came to my door
"Repent! Repent! Do not be forlorn!
Come, follow me, and you'll soon be reborn!"
Then came a Muslim, a Taoist, a Zen
A Buddhist, a Quaker, a Baptist, and then
As I stood at my door, and I watched, did not speak
There suddenly from the right came a squeak.
I turned, and I saw that the Catholic had paled
As if she'd found out another priest had been jailed
She grabbed at my pin, which read "Lesbian Pride"
And let out such a shriek, you think someone had died
"Oh, great god in heaven! Don't tell me you're gay!
And here I was trying to show you the way.
Give me back that bible, you sinner!
Change your evil ways, or you'll become satan's dinner!"
And so, off she ran to try saving another, and
I looked around my yard, at all of the others:
The little old grandma, menorah in hand;
The Muslim, whose views I could never understand;
The Buddhist, the Taoist, the Baptist, the Quaker;
The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker.
They shouted, for each thought only they were right
If I didn't do something, they'd be here all night
"Excuse me!" I shouted, "Would you all please be quiet?
My front lawn just isn't the place for a riot!"
They all looked at me as if I were wrong
As though it was me who just didn't belong
As they clutched at their scriptures, their Torahs and the like
All asking their gods to repair this crazy dyke.
I shook my head and I started to smile
I somehow felt better than I had in a while
"Don't you understand?" I said to the crowd
"I don't need religion!" There! I said it aloud!
"I don't need a book to decide what is real
I don't need people telling me what I feel
Isn't love when I know I love her with all of my heart
And nothing and no one will tear us apart.
I don't need menorahs and candle light dinners
To keep me from becoming one of the sinners.
Who said that you had the right to decide
What will become of my soul once I've died?
Who knows if there's even a hell or a heaven?
What if it's all one big seven-eleven?
Be it heaven, hell, or convenience store
It won't be made different by your religious war.
Get down off your soap box, please go on your way!
Don't bother to try back on some other day."
As they started to leave, I just had to intone:
"Maybe the next soul you should save is your own!"
© 03/28/06 by Kerri Lynn Costa
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