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I really don't know what to say today. I am blinded by love and beatin down by it. I am humiliated by life, and my beating heart. I shout for help, from all who will lend a hand, and yet i have gotten no where in this world of the living. My kind heart and caring mind has sent me where? To the dungeons of flesh ripping, bone breaking agony.My positive additude is week. My survival rate it low. As low as the dirty rats that lick the blood from the crumbling streets.



my heart knows what love is, but my mind can not tell when the act has ended and when love begins.



All the wishes in the world could not make my life any easier. Today, i do not wish my life to be as foul as before. I do not wish to be beaten to the ground. I do not wish wips to sting my back, or clubs to alter my identity. I wish to be happy this night. I wish to be loved, i wish to be successful, to love others, to be surrounded by friends, to laugh, to cry only because i am laughing.

Tonight, i do not mind life as much.

Tonight, i wish to stroll along the streets, place a cigarette between my lips and feel the night air pass through my hair, and the night sky to stare down upon me, proud of the human that walks this earth.



Many say positivity strays the mind to a better path. As weak as my positive thoughts are, perhaps this is true. Perhaps it will alter my story, calm my anger, and comfort my woes.



When i wake tomorrow morning, my life will have changed. Possibilities will come before me. I will except responsiblities, and perhaps fix my mistakes i have made. I do not see them as mistakes, I see them as attempts really, nonethless, i hope to wake strong.

I've been thinking about life alot more lately. Of course, wondering what it'd be like if my heart stoped. would there be a whole other confusing world waiting for me on the other side?



What makes things better?

I think too much, worry too much.

Wonder so many things.

I seem to make my life impossible.



Giving up seems to be the best option.

My purpose is out of sight.

My well being steps in harms way.

I'm not sure exactly what i like

What is wrong and what is right!

I turned 18 this past july and dropped out of school in October.

Things seem to change, and those few things that made u seem human in High schol don't even matter anymore.

I am a nobody now. Thoughts blistering in my head. Somedays it feels like I've been losing my mind.



Does it matter anymore, does anything matter?

I moved in w/ my dad last month and everything seemed better for a little while, but then i let my thoughts get the better of me, and my boyfriend. If he knew I was on this sight, he'd think I was dumb. HE's homophobic, racist. He says he's not, I don't think I can be w/ someone lke that. We dated a few times two years ago, but now we've been dating through letters. he is 17, and still a bit imature and completely horny. I understand horny, but sometimes I think he doesn't think too much about others, he just fucks them and runs for it. He says he loves me and wants to marry me, but I couldn't no way live with him until my dieing day, unless I died at the reception.



Anyways. I've been trying to discover the fact if guys are like girls at all. Are they human? Are they in this world just to fool around with, or settle down with?

I don't think I trust them. Then again its hard to trust anyone, including myself sometimes. I needed to get that out, and I feel louds better.