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I have a lot going on, but somehow, I can't stop working on the computer. I think it's because it's so slow and old, it's tantalizing me with it's possibility of working better at a later date.

The truth is, it's just going to keep deteriorating, into a spinning gloop of disgusting old wires, malfunctioning browsers, and networks that can't see shit.

Drinking coke or eating bad is kind of like doing drugs. You know it's not really that good for you - at lest not THIS much of it - but you can't seem to stop. You don't want to, at any rate. If you ever do rip yourself away from it for a period of time, all you seem to accomplish is the recognition that those substances give you increased energy, better moods, and happier thoughts. Unless of course you're out. Then you're sad, lonely, wah wah, jittery, stressed, panicked.

Whatever. Fighting addictions is just like being a superhero. You have a million questions to ask yourself at all times, and then you notice that it's all irrelevant because down the street, somebody's trying to mug an old man or rape a little girl.

I just sneezed, and drooled down my shirt, but not before biting my tongue while sneezing. Damn. That makes me sound autistic.

I'm wondering at what point in my life I started deluding myself about my voice and appearance just that I wouldn't hurt my own feelings.

Of course, that's only an assumption coined by the current age. We happen to think skinny is pretty now - not so 2000, even 1800 years ago. Still not so in some places. I do think we are more advanced though (who doesn't?) so I would like to be skinnier. Better complexion, prettier hair. I was going to bleach my hair blond for work. granted, it's mostly blond now. But nobody has called me back. I badly need a job. I things, pretty things to get. I spend 80 dollars on myself this week. very strange. 25 for David Sedaris' new book, 16 for a book on Qaballah, 10 for an instructional belly dancing video, 33 for incense & jar & ring & cases & candle. I learned how to make candles. But I haven't learned yet where to find the stuff I want to scent the wax/ wick with. any suggestions, no?

I kind of want to scream. I'm so slow at cutting hair, and blowdrying. I think it has to do with how dull my shears are, and how bad my blowdryer is. I need new combs. these are all things that i need but cant afford right now. hence the desire for a job. i'm going to end up serving again. maybe i should apply at a bar.

Well. It's time to go run. Not that I have a designated time. It's not like I intentionally go run when most people would be leaving for church, and stay out till they'd be coming back, so that see me still running when they return.

I certainly don't do that on purpose.