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I never remember how much I detest the american math system until I sit down with my kid sister, Nikki, and try to help her with her own math.



It doesn't make any sense and the more I go through it and help, the more I find myself wanting to go back in time and killing whoever came up with it.



What is the point of learning all these methods if we're just going to hand out kids calculators and let their brains rot while technology takes over all thinking processes?



I hate math, if it were an emotional object I would hate it to the point of depressing it. I hope that when math grows limbs- it cuts them in depression of my hatred!





And now I am vented and good.

Ever seen the movie 'State's Evidence'? If not I suggest it, a very insightful movie. I found myself connecting with Patrick to some extent but questioning myself as well.



It's amazing what one simple movie can do to one's mind. You hear all the kids- around your age might I add- discuss the freedom the promise of death and suicide offers and while a part of me realizes that the inevitability of death does in fact harbor a stronger need to live and do what we've dreamed to do, I knew it was a lie.



Suicide does not free someone from life's laws. It doesn't liberate them from all the pain or the stress of living. In fact, it causes more. More pain. More stress. More hate and abandon. Suicide only makes us realize that not only are we leaving the earth for some kind of Nirvana or Other Plain that waits for us on that so-called "other side," but we think of all the things left to do.



1) Seperate belongings among those who matter



2) Write letter(s) to those who matter



3) Complete a sound method that will not be interupted



4) Make sure all the items needed for the deed are within reach



5) Make sure the place for the deed is available and will not be sacrificed



Once all this is done, is it really worth it all? Is it going to be worth all the preperation and introspection it took to just- end it all?



The movie however was phenomenal. It was astounding how the thoughts of ONE kid could completely manipulate five others to see his views? I understand that there are people in the world that feel their life is pointless- useless- unbearable- and that they are completely alone but the truth-



There's always at least ONE person that would miss them. And that one person should be important enough to stay on the earth for.



I know my one person is. :)

I can all but feel your touch grazing my skin. All but hear your breath against my ear. Are you too far to hear my please? My mind plays cruel pranks, tricking me with every moving shadow. Could it be you? Have you returned from the eternal abyss to crawl along me once more?



You plague my dreams. Your face haunting the curtain of my eyes so that with every slumber, every blink your stunning eyes cross my mind's screen. Painting a smirk on those lips my skin burns for, revealing those taunting eyes to linger over my quaking body. Only you could make me this way. Only you could haunt my steps and thrill and torment me in such a blissful torment.



Every whisper of the wind mimics your voice; every dancing shadow curves and glides like your strong body; I hear steps and I turn for fear, and hope, that I will find myself in your merciless grasp.



Your kisses bruise, your embrace drags out every last breath and with every icy grasp you hold me with, every careless caress that numbs my mind and builds my body's fire- I long for you.



I fear seeing you, I long to feel you.



You tempt me with every daring move.



You rule me with every whispered promise.



Soon, I will not take the temptation.



And I hope when that moment comes you will turn from my Temptor to my Ruler.