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Thanks for the kick in the ass and the shot of clarity. It went down hard, but it did the trick.



Same page, same book. Let's write something different.

For the sake of the argument, let me go ahead and acknowledge and agree that I am, in fact, an asshole:

Dear Random Woman,



Sorry for (insert specific, personal inappropriate action here: i.e fucking your sister, treating you like you don't matter, slapping you around, etc) for the millionth time. It was only because (insert specific lame excuse here: i.e. it was a moment of weakness, I care so much I lost control, I wasn't thinking clearly, etc). I promise to never do it again. I love you.

Sincerely,



Random Douchebag



If there is a pattern of behavior that is cyclical and occurs repeatedly, guess what? The dochenag should be held accountable and made to realize that whatever he did is unacceptable. It is up to you to define what is acceptable or not and then back it up by refusing to put up with it. That means leaving or putting your foot down, and demonstrating you refuse to be treated like that.



Now, I understand that abusive situations are a result of fear and often times that fear leads one to believe they cannot escape, but in the end the choice to stay and accept it lies with you. You have options, and though they might be painful emotionally, they are there nonetheless. It's called personal accountability, and it's available to anyone willing to grab ahold of it.



If you want to be a victim, by all means play the part. Just don't act surprised when the same thing happens over and over. A spade is a spade is a spade.



The problem with truth and revelation is that once it is discovered, you are required to apply it and learn from it. The manifestation of learning is action and a change of course. If you sweep it under the rug, you can no longer claim to be a victim. You're an accessory.



Happy trails!

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chrysanthemia
05:30 Jun 19 2011

I may have to link this to a friend. Well-said.

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SinginGhost88
16:02 Jun 19 2011

It is not 'just' fear that holds a woman in an abusive relationship. She faces multiple barriers that make the possibility of leaving seem impossible. It is not as simple as saying 'Just leave.'



And the way you pose your question, or state that a the woman has to accept the responsibility of the decision she has made to stay, takes the blame away from the abuser, and back onto the woman who is being abused.

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Seeker2112
16:23 Jun 19 2011

I disagree. It doesn't negate the fact that the abuser is repsponsible for their actions, it merely incorporates the personal accountability of the one who continually subjects themselves to abusive behavior. If I wave my hand over a burning stove and get burned, I can hardly act surprised or blame the stove when I keep waving my hand over it and I get burned a 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 17th time. That's just ridiculous. We all choose what we will accept or reject in this life. I choose to not tolerate disrespect or abusive behavior and I choose not to associate myself with those who endorse such behavior or live their life on the defensive in a "victim stance". If others choose a different course, that's their prerogative. Being a victim is different than being masochistic and subjecting oneself to situations with a high probability of "being victimized" repeatedly over a lifetime.

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Army
20:56 Jun 19 2011

It is as simple as "just leaving". I did. I refused to be a battered wife and put his ass in the hospital. Go me! :D But still, the one's that stay and allow the behavior to continue I think are just as much at fault. They could say no. They could stand up and do something. They just don't. And then they cry and complain and are surprised when it happens over and over. You know what? I don't care! If you can't fix your problem yourself you can't expect someone else to do it for you or to even try to help you anymore when you won't even listen to them in the first place and try to help yourself.



Sorry if I rambled in your journal. :)

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PsychWardSiren
00:41 Jun 24 2011

For some it isn't as easy as it seems. It depends on the mindset and how broken the abuser has made her. A strong willed woman will just leave. A woman who has been broken so badly will not see that she is strong enough to just leave. Fear does play a key in this, as do many things. But I personally can say, yes I was able to leave. And I left knowing I did what was right for myself and my child. No looking back. Times may be hard as a single parent but I could never go back. The thought of "what if I had stayed" has never crossed my mind. And for those who feel they cannot leave...you are not alone and YES you can leave.

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Today is the first day of a new season. I haven't been fishing for quite a while. I was too busy trying to catch the one that broke the line and stole my lure lol



Perhaps some catch and release is in order.



I got my tackle box and a brand new pole. Who wants to go camping?

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NocturnalMistress
17:45 Jun 17 2011

Uh, why not take your camping partners with ya?

I'm sure they'll be extremely excited that you have a pole.





;P

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PhoenicianDream
21:06 Jun 17 2011

I bet Drew is interested. ;p



Fishing sounds fun.

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PandorasBx
04:10 Jun 18 2011

*Raises hand* I love camping, we go fishing every couple of days, my son caught bass at the lake, croppies and trout in the river :)

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Good intentions are about as useful as play money in a poker game. Sure, they look and sound great, but in the end if you cash them in, you're left with a whole handful of jackshit with a little bit of frustration and the idea that if they were manifested, things could be, should be, and would be great.



A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, right?



I like mine medium well, marinated in a spicy dave's sauce.



Rub a dub dub, bring me my grub :)



Let's eat!

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Bellanova333
03:06 Jun 16 2011

Can I have my book back now :/

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On this day, not so many years ago, the world was forever changed by the arrival of a certain immigrant on a certain beach, courtesy of a certain rubber vessel.



In honor of our favorite resident cuban, here are a few of your favorite things:























Happy Birthday, G Dizzle! Hope you have a great day!

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NocturnalMistress
16:36 Jun 13 2011

heh heh



Awesome!

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Deity
17:59 Jun 13 2011

Hahahahaha





Yes!!!





Thank you! ♥

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Some things are beyond my control and, in all honesty, if their occurence creates a situation that is beneficial and provides an influx of whatever may be lacking prior to that exposure, then resistance is not only unneccessary but counterproductive to the goal I am seeking anyways.



I would do well to remember that, rather than indulge the selfishness that has been prevalent as of late.

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Deity
16:55 Jun 05 2011

Are you an alien?





....





and illegal alien? ;)

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For breakfast I had coffee with an abundance of "I don't give a fuck" mixed in for additional flavor.



Then for supper it was warm conversation to thaw out out my frozen soul as an appetizer, followed by uber spicy Smothered Burritos.



Perhaps tonight will involve a parfait and loads of inappropriate behavior. Oh, how I love to be inappropriate :p



Bring on dessert!

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Deity
03:02 Jun 02 2011

Leave Drew's butt alone. It's starting to resemble a pink sock.









Dude, don't you dare look at me with disgust. You said you loved inappropriate behavior and I took it there. :p

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Bellanova333
03:30 Jun 02 2011

LMAO @ your entry AND Deity's comment =P



I knew I should not have taken that sip of my cocktail before hand... somebody owes me a screen clean up :/

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PandorasBx
03:47 Jun 02 2011

I'm wagering that the only inappropriate behavior will be those toots from the burritos lol

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PhoenicianDream
05:16 Jun 02 2011

Nobody says hell no I don't want no parfait... hahahaa



G are you suggesting that buttseeks catches for a while so Drew can recover?

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