The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I must add a sorrowfull note, for something has happened to a close one, who I am supposed to protect, but I was not able to stop what came to pass. For that I am truly sorry and mourn because of his loss... here is a symbol of eternal life...

His voice is like a sweet erotic elixir that calms me and takes me places where all I can do is bare my all and give into him...



So desperate I feel when I dont hear of him, like an addict breaking habbit, I swirl in confussion: have I done something wrong? Has he tired of me so soon? Have I been right all along by thinking he can find someone better than I?



I look at the clock every other second, longer than the second before. I wonder... and in a second all my fears rush through me like a psychotic rollercoaster through my veins, filling my head with the worst nightmares only I can come up with.



Ok, perhaps I am only exagerating... maybe my low self esteem and my own insecurities are causing a break down and I am blowing this out of proportion.



He is my drug. There is no other explanation to it. He is the knife that draws deeper inside of me with the slight hint of the chance that he can fall for me. My tears are the evidence that it is too late for me, I have fallen. Hard. Fast. I am truly damned, there will be no happy end to this. If he only knew he's got me wherever he wants...



I love him when I know I should not. Everyone I love leaves me. I dont want to loose him now. Surely I will... I can feel the pain already.

the last 48 hours have been critical to me. And now that the calm has reached my shore, I feel crushed and devastated.



It was a very difficult time for someone close to my heart, someone who I must protect at all costs. It is my duty as a Valkyrie to so so....



Yet I have been so innadecuate to help him... All my prayers, all my spells...all my soul was not enough to save the life of his unborn child. How he has suffered is something only someone who has had the same loss can comprehend...



I had such a loss some time ago. And I had nobody by my side when it happened. I bowed at that moment I will help others that went through a similar thing. I have failed.



Saying I am ever so sorry for that pain he went through is never enough to console and comphort anyone. Being sorry that I failed him is unforgivable.



He asked what could he possible learn from this he does not know already. Again I fail him, I can provide no answer. We all say things like this happen for a reason, that maybe it was for the best. But do we really believe we can grasp the meaning of this? Do we have to accept it as a fact that this things simply happen? I cannot bear the thought that this had no reason to be.



I can only say that in time, we all find out the reason why things like this happen. Not even on my own enemy, depraved as he may be would I ever whish this anguish upon.



Oh when it happened to me, I felt my soul was teared appart, if a thing like me could ever have anything resembling a soul. And many people had a saying, absurd things like the baby's soul doesnt go into the fetus until the last 3 months prior to birth; that when this happened it was because the sould wasnt ready to encarnate now... put them all on a chart and throw a dart to take your pick. I cared for none of them. No parent should ever have to loose a child born or otherwise.



I hope he can find it in his heart to forgive me for failing him when he most needed. I swear it will not happen again.





xoxox



valkyrja swan maiden