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A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:

“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?

The sailor said no to all his questions.

Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.

After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?

The professor said no.

Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.

Captain:

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DragonVvvVPrincess
22:42 Sep 28 2015

This is too funny!LMAO!~Mina

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An Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.

The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed.

The baker doesn't notice.

The Englishman says to the Scotsman:

"You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!"

The Scotsman says to the Englishman:

"Watch this, a Scotsman is always cleverer than an Englishman."

He says to the baker,

"Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick!"

The baker gives him the cookie which the Scotsman promptly eats.

Then he says to the baker:

"Give me another cookie for my magic trick."

The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too.

Then he says again:

"Give me one more cookie... "

The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The Scotsman eats this one too.

Now the baker is really mad, and he yells:

"And where is your famous magic trick?"

The Scotsman says:

"Look in the Englishman's pocket!"

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DragonVvvVPrincess
22:44 Sep 28 2015

LMAO!~Mina

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There was a murder in Texas at Halloween, and the FBI were called in to investigate. Hitchcock, one of the officers, saw something written in blood on the wall. It looked like the number '7734', but he was not sure; anyway, he took lots of pictures.

When Hitchcock got back to the lab he developed the film of the crime scene, but he still could not make any progress with the number. In the hope of inspiration, he took the sheaf of photographs home and spread them on the dining room table. Just at that moment his 7 year old daughter Emma came in through the patio door opposite, and looked down at the photographs.

'Why have you photographed hell?', she asked, then Hitchcock saw that when held upside down, 7734 spelt: 'hELL'.

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DragonVvvVPrincess
22:50 Sep 28 2015

Cool!~Mina

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A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman are each sentenced to a year in solitary confinement; before being locked away, each is to be granted a year's supply of whatever he wants to help him get through the long, long spell alone.

The Scotsman asks for a year's supply of whisky; it's given to him and he's locked away.

The Irishman asks for a year's supply of Guinness so he's locked up with several thousand bottles of it.

The Englishman asks for a year's supply of cigarettes and he's given a pile of cartons and the cell door is shut on him.

One year later, their doors are all unlocked.

The Scotsman staggers out and shouts, 'I'm free!' and then keels over dead from alcohol poisoning.

The Irishman is dragged out into the light, whereupon he promptly dies of liver failure.

When the door to the Englishman's cell is opened, everybody watches eagerly to see what sort of a wreck the man has made of himself.

To their surprise, he walks right out the door, sidles up to the first person he sees, and asks, 'I say you wouldn't happen to have a match, would you?'

Apparently in a small town somewhere in the USA there is a large factory that will only recruit married men. One of the local women, one Brenda Davy, a feisty young lady, was angry about this and demanded to speak to the manager to find out why.

Brenda demanded to know, 'Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous.......or what?'

'Not at all, Ma'am,' the Factory Manager replied. 'It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them.'

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DragonVvvVPrincess
22:46 Sep 28 2015

*Cracks whip.* I know that is true!LOL!~Mina

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman all entered a 26 mile long swimming race.

After 12 miles the Scottish man gets tired and drops out.

Then after 16 miles the English man gets tired and drops out.

After 25 miles the Irish man decides he can't finish the race, so he turns around and swims back to the start.

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DragonVvvVPrincess
23:00 Sep 28 2015

Oh, my!*Giggles.*~Mina

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Rosie Hall buys a self-assembly, flat-pack, cupboard from her local Homebase store. Reaching home Rosie reads the instructions carefully, counts the pieces then assembles the cupboard in the bedroom. It looks really great and she is delighted.

Now, Rosie lives near a railway line and as the train passes by the cupboard collapses. Undaunted by this misfortune she re-reads the instructions and reassembles the cupboard. Once more, another train passes and the whole cupboard collapses again.

Rosie now frustrated and thinking that she must have done something "wrong" re-re-reads the instructions and re-re-assembles the cupboard. Shortly, a train passes and the whole cupboard collapses yet again for the 3rd time.

Rosie is now fed up, cross and rather angry so she 'phones the customer service department. She is told that this is quite impossible and that they'll send along a fitter to take a look.

The fitter arrives and assembles the cupboard. Again, a train passes and the cupboard collapses. Completely baffled by this unexpected event, the fitter decides to reassemble the cupboard and sit inside it to see whether he can find out what causes the cupboard to collapse. At this point, Rosie's husband comes home, sees the cupboard and says, 'Oh, that's a splendid looking cupboard,' and he opens it to look inside.

The fitter, who had been wondering how to explain his position in Rosie's bedroom cupboard, blurts out, 'You probably won't believe me, but I'm standing here waiting for a train.'

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DragonVvvVPrincess
22:54 Sep 28 2015

I wonder if the husband believed him?LOL!~Mina

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A father is laying in bed after just waking up, he grabs the baby monitor and walks to his desk in his office at home, he has his baby on the baby monitor and hears his wife singing to her, he cracks a smile as he hears his wife “Go to sleep… go to sleep…” When suddenly the front door opens up and his wife comes in with groceries.



(got it from somewhere )

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DragonVvvVPrincess
22:58 Sep 28 2015

O.O

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A young boy is sleeping in his bed on a usual night. He hears footsteps outside his door and peeks out of his eyes to see what is happening. His door swings open quietly to reveal a murderer carrying the corpses of his parents. After silently propping them up on a chair, he writes something on the wall in the blood of the dead bodies. He then hides under the childs bed.

The child is scared beyond belief. He can’t read the writing on the wall and he knows the man is under his bed. Like any child, he pretends that he slept through the whole thing and hasn’t awoken yet. He lays still as the bodies, quietly hearing the breathes from under his bed.

An hour passes, and his eyes are adjusting more and more to the darkness. He tries to make out the words, but it’s a struggle. He gasps when he finally makes out the sentence.

“I know you’re awake”. He feels something shift underneath his bed.



(got it from somewhere )

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DragonVvvVPrincess
22:56 Sep 28 2015

XD

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