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I cant believe it!!

I honestly cant believe it!!

I am FINALLY DONE WITH MY BOOK!

I started it in January, I think, but now, I'm finally done! I am finally done with my book!

I know that doesnt sound too big and important.. "Didnt take long... probably a short book..." Well-- Seeing how I can never get past chapter 3 in ANYTHING, I'm extatic that I made it all the way up to 15!

Plus!

I think it's a good story!

I think it is a very good story!

It might be light reading, but atleast it'll be awesome reading! Even dyslexic people could read it!

I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy!

Its-- so-- WOW!



It was incredibly hard to write the climax of the story though, because whenever I'd start, I'd get extremely dissy by putting so much energy into it.



SO I CANT BELIEVE I'M DONE!!



Wish me luck! Coach Thompson already promiced me he'd be my editor for it if I finished during the school year.

I just finished Demon in my View again.. very good book, I recogmend it. The writer wrote it when she was only 15. Too damn good for a fifteen year old, I tell you!



Which reminds me.. Hey.. AshNight...

While I was reading, I came across the main character's pen name for writing. Guess what it is. Ash Night. Thats what it is. Coincadinc? Hm, I wonder! Lol.



But that book always inspires a certain... creativity in me.. that makes me want to write something, as well! And, well, I've been in a writer's block for about a month or so now, so I think I'm going to contenue my novel I"m working on. I'm going to try to stay up as long as I can, here at night, and wee bits of the morning, just to write. It's better this way; no humans knocking off my inspiration or creativity by asking questions or being obnoxious...



Well! Off to type.

Talk to you later, journal!!



..my tongue hurts..

I was given a tiddy twister today..



boy did that hurt.. tears were forming.. ha.. ... it still hurts.. *sweatdrop*

I've lost my temper.

I have set out a curse.

To the unfortunate one that I have put a curse on,

good luck.

I wont tollerate this.

I need to set out another curse,

but I must wait untill I have recovered.



Theres only one thing that I get so mad about...

Mix that in with hurt and you've got a recipe for disaster.



I'm mad.



I hate them.



I'm discusted by them.



I want them to suffer a bit.

*sweatdrop* I'm so pathetic.

I'm sorry. I feel really bad right now.

I really souldt be complaining, but lookie here, I am.

So I'm sorry.



I feel as though I need to stay away from everybody I'm close to for a while, or I might hurt myself; not because of them, but because I feel I need to be hurt a little, and I dont want to go into any bad habbits.



I feel bad... discustingly bad...

I feel ugly. Hideously ugly. And I swear! If somebody reads this and tells me "No you arent! You're cute!" I might have to hurt somebody. I'm cute as in 12 year old cute. I am so sick of that. I dont want to be treated as a child, but it's kind of a default because after all, I do naturally look 12, and I do, after all, wear a cute red fox hoodie. (I love foxes, so shoot me.)

With my big, heavy, booshie eyebrows... and my uncaring, dark rimmed eyes...

With my small boobs, and my "oh so fortunate body type".



I'm not skinny. I'm not normal. I'm not fat. I'm "Discustingly skinny" as one of my friends said. "Gag me throw up skinny"



I shouldnt be complaining, but I am. Everybody looks at me in a different light because of it. I make other people who I think are just as skinny as I am thinkg "I'm fat!!" when they arent. I make other, avarage people think that I make myself throw up, and that they hate people like me. I make over weight people just depressed by my being.



I hate my being.



I want my red hoodie back...



But yeah.. my face shape.. my eyes.. my four head..,. I look like a mexican indian mix. A -very- pale one... oh yeah.. thats atractive. A pale mexican. Damn me! =_=



I really should stop complaining...



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In OTHER news--

The Kelly Crew is pissing me off.

I mean, I'm just now getting classified 'information' from Kelly, which is a good thing for at home when I'm bored, and I need something to wrap my brain around,

but that Kenny guy is a real idiot!!

What he accused, that bastard!!

He should keep his trap shut about things he has no understanding over if he knows what's good for him.



Okay, I'm out.

Heya, kids... How was your easter?

Mine didnt happen-- just like last year. Tis what happens when you're the youngest, but it's fine. I'm kinda glad it didnt happen.



Aside from that, I'm not feeling too well, so dont worry everyone; I wont steal your food at lunch today. I dont want to get you sick, too.



Other than that..

I'm just oh so tired....

M'mmmm.... My weekend was lonely because it was only me and my dad. Unfortunately, we dont get allong too well.



Ah well! So thats whats up.

Ja ne~

Just thought somebody here would apriciate this since this is a vampire site, and this is vampire related... TADA!!!

http://youtube.com/watch.php?v=IuoPw0oLPV8&feature=PlayList&p=4696CE383A097654

A LINK!!!

What is it to?

It is to eppisode 1 of "Karin".



Karin is an awesome anime I just found about a vampire girl in her little vampire familly and all who, of corce, prey on blood.. exept.. Karin is a weird vampire. Infact, dare I say it, her familly is imberrast by her!!

Instead of taking blood, Karin GENERATES blood... And she needs to give blood every once in a while, or the blood will fly out of her nose and such. It's kind of funny though because it looks like a blood-orgasm...

Anyhow, it's a good, funny anime, and worth watching. ^^

IMBESELS!!! GRAAAH!!!



If you want to know what's up-- call me!!!

I've been visiting this site every day, even though I havnt been updating my journal, so I do sort of oppologies for that much if you actually care to read my journal. Ho ho ho.



Heres whats been going on for me.



One of my... closest... friends just recently died.

I dont quite believe it to be frank. I mean, sure, I do believe it, but ... at the same time, I feel like it's a lie.

I dont want to call his number. I dont want to find out details. If you ask me why I dont want details; I couldnt tell you. I rather know less for the time being, I guess.



I'm not acting at all like I expected myself to for being in this situation. I thought I'd go all emo, and couldnt find the strength to smile or laugh anymore.



Since I heard news of this, I've been acting "normal" on most people's standerds. Instead of myself, and all gloomy unless I'm debating, or coming up with a witty comment-- I'm being quiet and thoughtful now at some moments, and at the others, I'm laughing so hard, and finding everything so funny, and myself acting goofy and making jokes.



I really do feel guilty for this act. I dont know why I'm acting so weird (which is the deffinition of "normal"). I havnt even had a real cry about this.



My eyes may get watery, but then I'd choke on them, and they'd dry up again. I think I shed a whole three tears all-in-all.



I do want to cry though.





I'm also being greedy though. I'm not the only one whom has lost somebody, yet I'm putting all the spot lights on me. I'm so stupid. ... but... this does hurt. Ah! There you go, my eyes are watery again, and I just choked them down again.



Tiffany says that maybe if I want, I should talk to Irvin about this, seeing if I can get my now dead friend to be my spirit guide-- like with Jacon. I got all choked up, asking Irvin if he's REALLY dead.. and after that.. I almost asked.. but.. I choked up again and couldnt go through with it... I've already lost one friend.. I dont want to lose Irvin too, even if I cant see him...





But yet, the thought accured to me today in second period... "How will this change me, how will this effect me, once it finally DOES hit me?"

And then I got the feeling as if you know you're going to die really really soon, but you dont know when, you're wondering what's on the other side, because it's so imediate and unnexpected...



This was so unnexpected...



I dont know though. I think he's still with me-- and I know that sounds stupid but... Since his death I only had one dream of him, and he was talking to me, but now that I think back to the dream, I cant hear anything he's saying, but just that he's calm and content, and happy... other than that I've just been having dreams of huskies...

which I just relised.. and JUST added together this morning... "His totem animal is a dog... and... his favorite dog is a husky... OH! He's a HUSKY!" (duh, right? I never put those two together...) and I keep seeing refferences to husky's everywhere, randomly.. like whenever I'm feeling hopeless ... like yesterday in the bath, I was looking at my leg and at smeared water on it.. and the water droplets were still forming.. and the water was in the shape of an extra fluffy wolf, with white rimming it's dark fluffy face.. with deep eyes staring at me and big old doggy nose and mouth...



It stayed like that untill I formed more thoughts, and then the water spreaded some more...







Hey!! Guess what!! Now I have a conciance! Can you believe it? I wanted to do something bad... or.. lots of bad things.. and normally I'd just do it, knowing it's bad like, whatever, it's just me... but now my head's all like "Dont do it!" while the other side is saying "Do it!" and the dont do it is bringing up some good points and that's never happened before. xD





Oh I miss him...

I miss him so much..

It hurts so much I miss him...

I wanna bring him back...

I'm still being a dork,

and logging onto AIM...

Just in hope I see his name...

just in hope... in desperate hope...

but.. then I dont see it...

and I get off of the internet quickly..

AIM quicker...

....I wanna dissapear from everywhere and from everyone....

While Ash was going to bed at 4 in the morning..

I on the other hand woke up at 4.



... and fell asleep at 6:30....



and stayed asleep till 8....



untill mom yelled at me while I snoozed on the couch.



Ow...



I got to stay home today..

'cause I'm in pain..

it's different pain today...

Although it's constant pain,

and has been constant pains,

on my overyial section....

It's just some how different.



Right now my body physically thinks it's pregnate. It's just my overies though...

But.. my boobs are swelling, and my belly is in pain, getting stabbing feelings, and I've been getting just craving after craving after craving.



Oh, it's so hot in here...



Well, I'm tired so I'm gonna get off now. Chau~

Hey, Journal. I'm doing wonderful! Everything is going well. I'm so happy. Everything is exelent.



... Actually, no, but I've been reading too many depressing journals, and I wish to chirp it up some...



I'm going to call help from my gaurdian. ^^ But in the meanwhile, please no more depressing! Please, no more fighting! Please no more "I suck" or "I wish this person would", and no more "non-conditional love" where places are obviously hurting...

*sigh*.... life is so complicated... it hurts me so... right where my heart should be, I'm getting a deepening pain, drilling itself more and more, like a hole.. That or it's just heartburn but... I dont get heartburn, so it must be the hole thing... *sigh*

SO!

Something crawled up my butt and died... it's starting to smell too.



GUESS WHAT!!

... ... "What?" ... ...

I drove in the PARKINGLOT!!!

... ... "..gasp... really!?"

... Is that sarcasm I taste?

... ... "If the bra fits..."

BUT THE CAR WAS A MANUEL!!

... "hss! Oooh. I'm so impressed."

......... !! AND IT WAS AWESOME!!! I got to shift gears and start the car (which was actually harder than it appears because it kept going WOPPAWOPPAWOPPA, JERK JERK JERK)

.. "lol... jerk..."

*glears* Anyhow, I got the hang of it, and now I can simi-drive a manuel! I rock.

"..lol, no you wop."

Shut up.

"Make me!"

I dont have to, I can just deleat you!!

"How is that even possible?"

Easy! Just watch this.



===

GUESS WHAT!!

I drove in the PARKINGLOT!!!

THE CAR WAS A MANUEL!!

......... !! AND IT WAS AWESOME!!! I got to shift gears and start the car (which was actually harder than it appears because it kept going WOPPAWOPPAWOPPA, JERK JERK JERK)

Anyhow, I got the hang of it, and now I can simi-drive a manuel! I rock.

===



"... Yes ma'am..."

*holds eraser up* Goooood cyber meeee~

..."... .... .... *steals eraser* HA! WHO IS THE ALPHA SOUSUI NOW?!?"

Meep!!!





=20 seconds later=



"Join me here again at 'Journalling with Sousui'. I hope you have a pleasent day. :) *dusts off eraser*"

To answer Ashnight's latest journal entry...



OOH OOH! I'VE DONE THAT!!



I was acrtually afraid to go to sleep at my cousin's house because they've got roaches EVERYWHERE, and I've actually, a few times, woke up with some on my face....

And so I stayed awake to make sure that didnt happen--

(that and I was addicted to the game they just got, Dragon Ball Z Budikai... the one with majun buu..)



But I didnt start hellucinating till the last day. I thought my cousins were right there in front of me, trying to talk, but when they talked, their voices echoed. Then I'd blink and they'd be gone....



.....



But I couldnt stay up forever. I kept fainting while I was standing up and...

Eventually it made me really really ill. I ran an extremely high fever, so my aunt and uncle had to take care of me. But-- IS THAT ANOTHER HELLUCINATION!??!

.. I REALLY dont know to this day.. I could have swarn there was this MASSIVE roach RIGHT NEXT TO ME, because Jenny flung it at me.. T_T



But I dont hellucinate much I guess...



So be careful not to get sick, Ash!







Hey! I made a thread on the forum here and it has like, 100 views, and still staying at the top!!! WOW! I'm psyched!!!



Uh, other than that... I"m a ghoul now.. level six.. and.. ooh yeah! Theres this cute fanfiction on fanfiction.net that Rukia from Bleach turned into a black bunny!! EEH! Ichigo doesnt know this, but is forced by Inoue to own the bunny because it looked lost and scared. xD This is getting to be so cute!

Okay yeah, so you probably guessed it;

April fools, right? XD yesh yesh.

I had a weird dream last month that I was being tied down and raped....

And... I havnt started my period yet.....

so... out of paranoya...

I took the pregnacy test!!!



M'mmm!!!!!

The windows are shut, and likewise the door, unless being swung open to eat in another person. It prolongs the day-in, day-out cycal that we are all becoming insane through. The deffinition of insanity IS going through a process over and over again, but still expecting a different outcome. You are insane.

The blood drips from the corner of our mouths; our eyes gradually sink slowly to our head, at every monotoned teacher's action. We sigh every day, and one day, the thought may arise that we will sigh our last sigh, and with that cooling breath escaping our lips, we hope our souls go with the breaths.



The intellegent people and the slowest of people will struggle the same ammount, just to catch up with the avarage dumb people, for teachers are adjusted to teach at an avarage learning advantage. -- nothing more special or less.



Our brains rot not by the tellevision we may secretly retreat to afterschool, but by the lagging of our own deffenceless thoughts being controlled by the school district. We are not being taught to think on our own but to think like "normal people" less normal people may one day appear and we must be like every one else, and therefore normal, and normally think. Our gifts serve us no advantage in this molarious way of life, and our slowness gains nothing but pity.



If only the slow ones would have more effort put into them-- then they could learn! And if they could learn, they'd achieve more than anybody in this world can even process through their brains. They will feel acomplished, and special, that is, and nobody can take that away. Unfortunately, it is never given to them, and so they'll never know how it feels to over come a hurdle, as I have so fortunately have so recently.



If only the gifted ones would beable to be taught by people like them, then they could learn! Their brains can take ahold of the idea, and they'll actually know something for a change (instead of just having potential to know.) If they would be taught by people like themselves, then genius thoughts would florish everywhere, and this country, and world, would be a better place.



Instead, we are all taught the same; and we are all taught to think the same; we are all exposed only to learn how normal people think; and to understand they are not normal; and no matter who this person who cannot learn the normal way is-- they'll feel forever dumber than the people stupider than they are-- and they will be in this society. They will forever be stupider than the normal.



And so I do call my school such a known noun as void- for a void is the only think I feel it can be. All of the thoughts we'll ever have will end up at school, be eaten up by school, and will never be processed again.





This is the curse of not being normal.