Everything and everyone is annoying today.
Maybe it’s me? Maybe I’m just too used to being alone that I prefer it. I blame that on him though. You never imagine that your life will turn out the way it does sometimes. I guess I should’ve had expectations about the whole things but I didn’t imagine things would go the way it has with him.
I “feel” so many different things about how he treats me. I don’t “feel” he loves me despite him saying he loves me. There’s something to that. Not feeling loved versus being loved.
I just don’t feel in love anymore I suppose. Love isn’t a feeling so I’ve heard. All I know is something has changed but not being able to put my finger on it.
I know I can’t change him. He has to want these things for himself. To be sober. To want to live for himself not in spite of me. It is a romantic gesture but if something would happen to me his world would be right back where it was before. I’m not his savior. He has to realize the only one that’s going to save him is himself now. Not anyone else that may come along. Do I want to live without him? No but the threat of it hanging over my head. I just can’t. I want safety. I want stability. I need peace. I’m tired just so tired anything other than just won’t do. I know the world will always be chaos but I don’t want or need relationships like that are anymore.
He might think it’s because I don’t love him but sometimes you have to let someone go because you do love them. I never understood that when my grandmother would say it to me before but now I do….
COMMENTS
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BlackRoseAngel
21:51 Jun 14 2025
same tho