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So today was nothing special. I spent the better part of it at work or sleeping. While I was at work I had a great deal of time to think. I pondered life and what would be in store for me around the corner. As I was at work, I gave my co-worker(my favorite person to work with ever) the knowledge of poke'mon go. She installed it immediately and we set off on a poke'mon adventure, which was hard provided that the nature of our job.



We both work for a company that houses developmentally disabled (mentally handicapped) adults and puts them into group homes. My job, as well as hers, is to make sure that the clients we serve have the opportunity to develop, and have a support system to help them work, be responsible for themselves, and to teach them things they want to learn.



So, back to Poke'mon Go.

She wanted to play this game, so we gathered up our clients and went on a walk down the road so we all could get some exercise, (lord knows we needed it), and started to catch poke'mon. not much really happened beyond that, she caught some, we went back to the residence, finished up our shift.



I then came home to find my roommate strung out on pills. it's not a common occurrence that she does this but I asked her what was wrong to see if there was something I could help with, she replied no, got in my face, and told me to fuck off as she ate pizza rolls. now I remember why I hated her. I'm always the villain. oh well, I can't do anything about it, so I won't try. She has to want the help, it's out of my hands until then.



So at the moment, there's nothing really all that interesting going on. I suppose there will be days a lot like this, but consistency is probably a good thing regardless of what the content is.



I'm thinking a lot about my partner in crime, I make amazing music with him, and I'm looking forward to getting back into the studio with him. Too bad he's a horrible procrastinator. Fantastic thinker, though.



regardless, I think that's my entry for the day, dry and boring.



Happy Haunting

So a while back on my birthday, I posted a kismet that simply read "I nearly died today" and nothing more. Someone then suggested I make a journal about it so here we go.



On June 26th, the day in question, I had awoken to severe disappointment, as I usually do, to the few people in my life that I care and love deeply, forgetting (or just being apathetic) that it was the one day a year that I actually want attention. Which, while numerous were invited, only two arrived. One which is probably the only other human being on the planet that lives in this area that gets me, and is essentially my brother, and someone I no longer care to have in my life, though that was a separate incident.



At the moment, I'm reading this back and thinking, well aren't you just some kind of spoiled brat? I'd bet you're thinking the same, allow me to break it down for you. I'm essentially a hermit and after many years of heartache, disappointment and abuse, I tend to keep to myself. So once a year I come out of my seclusion in hopes that those I've kept near to my heart will want to see me and spend time with me. I'm not much for gifts, too much materialism. That and I'm the only one who has absolutely no difficulty shopping for me, well and my mother but that's irrelevant. No, all I desired that day was comfort and love. Which I got to some extent.



Due to the nature of my brother's relationship, he had to leave within two hours of his arrival, which is no simple task provided the distance we lived apart. The other person in question decided to take it upon herself to try to make my birthday celebration the best she possibly could, which at the time, though I was disappointed, I reveled in. So we threw on some of my favorite horror movies and started drinking.



This is where the problem starts.



It should be said that those who have manic depression shouldn't consume great deals of alcohol, and under no circumstances should you drive that person into a perpetual state of self-loathing and morose. well as the night went on the only remaining guest decided she would like to hear my music, and view my artwork, only to take everything shown and displayed as a new challenge to destroy the last remaining shred of my happiness and pride. I was berated, belittled, and spoken to like I had nothing and was nothing... so I kicked her out and began to finish my bottle of tequila.



I drank a considerable amount of liquor that night, and I nearly succumbed to alcohol poisoning, had my brother not come back to save me. He fixed what he had to at home and came back to me collapsed in front of my couch. He did what any brother would do, try to wake me up and then called an ambulance.





I made it through the night, but not without my fair share of dramatics. Which isn't something I thrive on but have noticed that it's something everyone has. I'm not proud of this, by any means. This was one of the darkest places I have been in a long time. I don't drink often, so before the discussion of "you should check into a 12 step" comes up, take into consideration that I maybe drink enough to intoxication 4 times a year, and barely drink a 6 pack a month.



I hope I am not judged too harshly for wanting a little attention, and I'm only sharing now to either offend or entertain. Take it as you will, but I'm just sharing.

I've been saying for years how much I would like to actually keep a journal from as day to day as possible, but I've never been able to. I'd like to try again, both for a possible way for me to get out my thoughts and possibly bring about some piece of mind, but maybe people will understand me better. all of this is severely doubtful but who knows? it could still do me some good. it's worth a try



I'll try to upload once a day two as well, depending on how many thoughts i have. Happy Haunting.