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im trying my hardest not to take kitty again,

im trying not to open her and tear the cover apart,

to grab that pain,

and puch it through my skin,

to bleed out every bit of all my pain,

not to grab that razor,

hinden so well,

i havent pushed that painless needle through me in two days,

now,

i really feel the mental pain,

i did it to stop my brain process,

to stop thinking of everything in my life,

and only think of the stinging pain,

and the nlood flowing from my arm,

its so hard,

not to just go get kitty and peel apart my skin,

i just cant take it anymore,

i need to stay with her,

but the mental pains are killing me,

and the only way,

i have found in along time to release it,

was kitty across my wrist,

now my mom saw,

and said never to do it again,

and if i did she would stop,

my love for my girr,

and then i would have to hurt myself even more,

so now,

i stop,

i stop the pyshical pain and start the mental,

yet again,

the mental pain is worse,

and i cant stand it one more day,

but i must just to stay with my beautiful girr,

so i stop and start the pain,

it flowed from my wrist and arm so beautifully,

now it flows from my hand on to paper,

on to the journal i write,

now the pain i feel is for the world to know,

the truth behind my pain,

and my suffering,

and soon to be death,

my wrist still shows the scars,

but they're fading slowly,

and diapearing from my arm, my body,

so i dont know anymore,

i just dont know how to release my pain,

i just dont,

i cant stand it anymore,

but i will for my girr,

for i love my girr,

more than my own life,

more than breath,

than the world,

than anything,

ever,

i will never love anyone more than i love her now,

nothing,

no one,

ever,

never,

she is my girr,

my beautiful love,

my life,

she keeps me above the deadly waters yelling for me to drown,

yelling for me, pleading for me to stop fighting the current,

she is helping me live my life,

and i love her for that,

she has brought me back from the dead,

and somehow put me farther in hell,

but hell is my heaven,

and heaven without my girr is hell,

enough to me,

i will stay away from kitty and stay alive for her, no one else but for her.

i love you my beautiful lovely graceful girr.