The Ugly Truth.
07:44 Oct 10 2017
Times Read: 359
Hello. My name is Brooke. I'm a former member of VampireRave. I've not been here for a few years. I first joined VampireRave when I was 12. I lied my age one year so I could join. My username was Midnightmoonlight I had that account until I was around 15, then it turned into BeautifullyDisturbed/Eupheima . Today I'm going here to write something without filters, without care of what drama this might create for others. As a teenager here, I found the drama fun. Especially when webcams were knew, and the world of BDSM, which this site is full of..was new. I'm now 21. A grown woman, whose been away from this site for quite sometime. A lot of people hate me here. A lot of people aren't aware of certain things because I wanted to keep others safe. However. I'm not sure I care much anymore. After all, I am the bad guy. I am so much the bad guy, that I'm going to tell you all the story, the -actual- story of my time on VampireRave. What I went through and what I've realized.
When I first joined here. I was a twilight fan. I was young and thought vampire were -super- cool. So cool, that the idea of this site really piqued my interest. I was one of those annoying teenagers. "^.^ OMGZZ" Kinda like that. My first few years here were kinda sparse on activity. I had a life, I went to school. Well, when I was 15, webcams came out! --I made friends here! Like Marci, Bexi, Cat, Keefe, Toddy, Stella --All these SUPER cool people who I could see. As time went on, I realized drama occured a lot. A lot of people trolling. There was even this one guy "Tabby" who called himself the "Reaper" and trolled a lot of people, and I thought it was hilarious. It was like a game to me. Well, at 15. I met Keefe. He was 23. I thought he was a 'bad boy', and we were both interested in the world of BDSM. He had just finished a divorce, over reasons which are his own, an understandable reason, one I still sympathize with. -He- was my first real sexual experience of any kind. For several months, I believe it was 6-8, we tried a BDSM type relationship. Myself being submissive, and him being dominant. It was about three months into it, he admitted openly to still screwing his ex wife, while on the phone with myself, Marci, and friend Vince. I had not been aware of this, and freaked out, however--I really thought I was in love with him. Afterall, he was the first person I had phone sex with, the first person I told everything too. Surely he loved me as well. Well, time went on, and I realized our 'relationship' was open, well, on one side at least, the side of course not being mine. During this, I had left twice, both times going to speak with someone called 'Brad'. However, no matter how much I spoke to Brad, I kept wanting Keefe. So, eventually Keefe and I tried again, especially after he made this public thing about how much he loved me. It didn't last long until I left again, unable to handle the emotions and the betrayal I felt. I still remember one of the last intimate phone calls we had where I had froze and he asked me "What's wrong?"--and I had busted into tears, but said nothing. This started a victim complex, one where I was scared to start speaking up, where I was afraid to get close to people. He then wound up with a girl named Jessica, who was a similar age to me--And I'm happy because I'm STILL friends with her, and I loved seeing stories about her pitbull 'Shadow' on facebook. A while later. Years later. He asked what happened to me, how come I became so cold. Well..That leads into my next story.
After Keefe. I spent many months alone. Crushing on different guys--But always backing away when it came time to 'cyber' I believe I gave in with someone named Mark, and Mike twice, but other than that, I'd get nervous and back away. At this point I was 16-17. Well. One night I went into the cam of my friend Jeremy. He had been arrested for having sex with a minor, and we would talk now and again. One night, in his cam, was this SUPER funny dude named Slain. He and I started talking, and doing like 'cyber' foreplay, before he vanished on me. I thought it was a game of hard-to-get, until I found out my friend Sonia was dating him! Whooo! She literally asked me if I was CRUSHING on someone the day I found out, and I had a huge 'Oh shit' moment. Well. Slain and I spoke again--And again, and he began hanging out in Marci's cam! He and I eventually spoke the first time over dictionaries. I found his intellect super fascinating, and it was super attractive! Especially at age 16? 17? It's hard to tell because I WAS still saying I was a year older than I was. However, I NEVER, EVER told anyone at any point I was 18. When I turned 17, I told everyone the truth. Anyway. Slain and I got to talking, and he explained to me his situation with Sonia, and how she hid him, and how they were sorta broken up, and ALL this stuff. In return? I told him about Keefe. About how much it hurt. He told me how horrible Keefe was, and how I didn't deserve any of it. Long story short, fast forward a few months--Slain and I begin fooling around. I quickly fell back into love. --This lasted on and off for THREE years. Two of those years he had been trying to patch things up with Sonia. He'd ditch me on calls, once while I was naked on cam for him, which he didn't know at the time. He was the first person to see -me-. To see my parts, and I was utterly vulnerable. There was a time he offered me to live with him. I had become friends with him, his cousins, and even one of his sisters. We spent hours upon hours on the phone, sleeping on the phone. Slain, wasn't like Keefe, he..wasn't open about what he did. He instead made games out of it. Guessing games. He'd not fully tell me certain things, especially when it came to Sonia. He told me a million times not to contact her--And at one point, there was a mixture with a person named Nicole. I have this theory, he used his talent of manipulation to turn Sonia against Nicole, Nicole against me, and me against Nicole. We had this joke where he'd call himself Mr.J, me Harley Quinn, and Nicole catwoman, just to hear me talk shit on her, about how I'd hurt her for going near him. He did this a lot. Or a girl named "Kaylee" he'd talk about how she'd be amazing at Oral sex, just to hear me freak out. The worst one, is him showing me a sex video between him and his ex. In hopes I'd get jealous. ---It all hurt. As a young adult, or a late teenager, knowing you were second best to a woman twice your age. Knowing you were a distraction until he could fix things with here--While I stayed utterly loyal. Our group of friends eventually turned into myself, my friend Kevin and him. Now before I wound up 'with' Slain, I had flirted heavily with my friend Kevin. Nothing occurred, however, he believes I led him on, because once Slain returned, I dropped him. He's utterly correct, that did occur. That is the perhaps one TRUE thing, I have done wrong, and out of selfishness. Still? Kevin got over it, he eventually was even 'happy' for Slain and I. Well, Kevin was never privy to, too much about my relationship with him. He never knew what ocured behind closed doors. When things went down, I -left-, I didn't make a scene, I didn't pull a pity party. I took myself, and my pain and 'abandoned' them. As Slain filled his head with my 'selfishness' how I up and abandoned my friends. Despite my many, many nights crying, wishing my heartbreak would stop. Wishing I would be enough for Slain. Wishing I could meet his demands without feeling self conscious, wishing he'd let Sonia go for me. Wishing he'd stop mentioning other girls, wishing oh so much--Until I got to the point where I left. I was then deamed selfish--Oh and also at some point during all this Slain and Keefe SOMEHOW became friends despite all the shit talking, but hey, I don't even know the details of that.
There's many details. Many that I cannot fit all in here, some I won't because they are truly THAT personal. However, this..this is the truth. I was a drama whore. I was two-faced at times. However, all these claims, of me being selfish, of me abandoning people, was in response to my own pain. I was a teenager who left an emotionally abusive relationship that lasted years. At 21, I attempted to become friends with Slain once more. Only to be told my time wasn't enough for him, my efforts weren't enough of an effort. When I did speak to him, and asked to be friends. I heard all these letters he apparently wrote about his love for me, or the worst is him asking if I'd ever marry him--Because that's something FRIENDS ask--And yes, this was about two months ago. Two days ago? My dog died.--I begged him to call me, to talk to me so I could sleep. He did. Only to bombard me the following day about how I'm going to keep him in the dark--yada yada. Because apparently I deserve that, despite me going to him during one of my darkest times. I deserved that because I'm somehow selfish.
Here is what I said to him. https://imgur.com/a/4H5qb Those are my last words to him.
In response. Kevin messaged me about how cruel and selfish I am. How I will never change.
Well. This is why I'm the way I am. Because, I was USED as a teenager and the moment I stopped being used. I was suddenly a cunt, a bitch, a cold hearted person.
Here is the truth. Take what you will of it. He'll surely defend it with 'logic', that is detailed to the 't', while taking no blame, or while taking just ENOUGH blame to say 'I took blame.'
Overall. This was my experience on VampireRave. For those who believe I am the horrible person you all claim me to be--here is what was actually going on, and to people like Nicole--And Sonia. I only hope you two actually know your worth, and understand this isn't for drama--This is me finally voicing my experience.
I won't be checking or logging into this account again. Do what you all will.
COMMENTS
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Minde
10:21 Oct 10 2017
Wow what a story. I'm new to this place. A lot goes on here lol
PastRebirthed
10:30 Oct 10 2017
First, I do not believe you will not be checking this, I just don't. Clearly you wish to witness a reaction of some kind, or in other words enjoy whatever drama this may cause. Secondly I wish to challenge your claim that this story is the ugly truth, for it seems to have several lies of omissions and blatant lies.
First I do not appreciate being portrayed as some clueless idiot who is fed what he believes by others and cannot come to his own conclusions based on the evidence. Secondly lets talk about the blatant lies. You know this to be a lie as you admitted the real reason in private conversation. The lie that you left the friendship of you an I due to a broken heart. I seem to recall how our friendship ended was you typing on skype, "Talk to you tomorrow." Well it was a few days of attempted messaging later that I realized you had burned the lines of communication and salted your side of the bridge without the decency of a goodbye. Yet, yet at this time you were still talking to Slain and even mentioned that you did it because I was ruining your parade with my what was supposed to be constructive criticism of an audio drama you were creating at the time and at the time of your lackluster attempt to reforge friendships, which I will talk about in this comment, even told me you "Straight up abandoned our friendship." So that is the first lie I will debunk in this comment. Secondly, I will aggressively challenge the statement that I was fed the believe that the determination that you did in fact abandon our friendship to be fed to me by others. No it was not it was determined by you cutting all lines of communication in the wake of 2 other "friends" also going Awol on me. Next, next lets talk about your "time" and your "effort" which was none and none. Before yesterday the last time we talked was August 10th and that was only due to me initiating the conversation to which you could not be bothered to really have as it lasted about 3 short sentences. Just enough to determine your lack of interest. Third, as much as you want to demonize my friend with this vile attack on his character and the disparagement you wrote, he defended you privately to me all the time when I was the one talking about how you were a shit "friend" criticism you wholeheartedly deserved. Third you talk about manipulators yet you ignored not only me but my friend who you insult in this attack when your life was going well but when you had a crisis you message him and only him about it demanding his time, which he gives you. Then when he asks why you could only confide in him and not the people who you talk to when life is well and you clearly have more interest in talking to and asks why you don't message more, you start abusing him via chat. Thats like the pot calling the kettle, well you know the rest. Now that is the ugly truth and that is not all and that is 100% truth. Also the entire time I was telling him to tell you to take a hike, and he was still defending you.
PastRebirthed
10:35 Oct 10 2017
Also I forgot to mention, you were to one who came to us seeking a second chance. Which against my better judgement I gave you, if my friend was so terrible why come back crying, literally crying for a second chance?
FeverDreams
11:11 Oct 10 2017
O.o
EroticxMadness
11:19 Oct 10 2017
I don't like being brought up in this either I was never your friend I felt sorry for you just like I do now. Keefe has his moments where he is a dick trust me I know the man trolled me for years but to post this now is just mind blowing. Hell slain isn't a bad man either he has his moments were I think he's crazy but he's a good person to talk to. All this will cause is drama but leave me out of it
Chupacabra
14:45 Oct 10 2017
Not sure if you just dropped the mic...or the soap
Dakotah
16:28 Oct 10 2017
I think anyone who openly admits to breaking the VR ToS in a journal, there profiles should be suspended for life.
1Synthetic8Cyanide7
18:05 Nov 12 2017
Opening admits to having lied but labels this journal the ugly truth and elaborates a story and expects people to believe. You can't start something admitting you lied about something and then create this little fantasy world in your head and expect the general public to believe. An it seems that if you have issues maybe you should take them up with the people you have them with and not the general public.
1Synthetic8Cyanide7
18:08 Nov 12 2017
#lifegoals #VRFAME #weboflies #hashtagsfordaysshallikeep going