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My heart hasn't felt this heavy in a long time. I told myself I would never love again, never care again, never get attached again. I do this one time for someone I considered, thought that I understood and vice versa. I thought I'd be happy for once; break out of this facade of hatred and disgust for humanity to feel... to care...



Damn did I get thrown under the bus. Now I'm not sure where to go or who to turn to, because I know I'm going to hear the "I told you so"s and the "I warned you"s and they will sympathize but they won't empathize. Very stupid. I never feel stupid, because I consider myself a very intelligent person. But the dunce hat seems to dance on my head right now in mockery. And Misery seems to smirk in her corner, waiting for me to be friend once more...



All the same I can only wait for the bleeding to stop and wounds to heal... And maybe I need to go back to therapy again... I don't know, and I'm shaking right now; I can't seem to channel anything... I want to cry but my tears are gone. I want to lash, but the fury isn't strong enough and the nurturing part of me wants to run and beg and plead... to try to heal the situation and hopefully bring back the good feelings... the warmth... but I know now it's a trap. And I can't burned by fire again.



So now the vengeance stirs, Misery is making plans for our next date, and I... I just want to stop the pain. Anything to stop the pain...