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To live for the aesthetic or the moral? Can one not be moral and aesthetic? I argue now. One who seeks aesthetic also seeks pleasure. Pleasure is the seed of aestheticism. I fantasize about a large writing desk which comforts my creativity and spurs me on to write daily. Is that a failure to adhere to a moralistic world? By fantasizing about a comfort and life I do not have, I seek to lose myself in fantasy and embrace the relief it offers from the nagging and nuisance of life.
All those around me fail to understand my motives. This is no fault of their own. My facade gives the impression of an aloof, crazy, procrastinating and happy man. However, as I think on this and toil over my life, the failures - successes, I see myself seeking the moral over the aesthetic and failing. If I were to be righteous and moralistic, I'd shed the mask I present to others and expose myself to all I encounter. It is a fascinating thing to consider as so many of us move through this life and rarely drop our masks. Some convince themselves they've shed that exterior but I believe we all know that was but one layer of our complex defense systems. Can I ever really be naked to another? Revealed? Not while seeking the aesthetic, I fear.