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Today I saw someone I knew in high school. This person I had cut my ties from as soon as I graduated, as it seemed the right thing to do for myself because of her mental problems, health problems, and her complete disregard of all responsibility over anything. This person then ran herself into severe debt after dropping out of college during her first semester and was then sent to a mental hospital for about a year and put on mediation.



So I saw this girl again, two years after having cut away from her and she is doing much, much better. Her mental clarity and maturity are quite obvious and she has lost much weight and is taking good care of herself now.



Seeing all this I wonder if I cut myself away from the wrong person after high school. Would I be in a better situation now if I had abandoned Todo and stuck by Amanda instead? Yes I would have had to deal with all those issues but surely at this point in my life I would be more willing to deal with Amanda. At least she seems to be more responsible...

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gszander
16:20 Oct 31 2010

Life is a strange journey. Don't second guess yourself. The universe plays a lot of games with us. You did what you flet was best for you at that time and now you are review your life to get a better understanding of what happened. More important how you well change your life for the future. Just remember that Amanda had to experience her life for her self. No one can live your life for you.

Peace and Blessings.

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What is this place?

Who are you people?



I take the time to search for some morbid satisfaction via the woe-begotten journal entries of the fellow members to this site and what do I find?



People talking about their new phones, or a video game, or something they did with there friends, or some update about how great and sun-shiny their day has been...



What is this crap? Where are the strangled and tormented souls I got on here to find? Where are the fellow dark poets pouring out their soul with a blood stained pen?



I did not join this site for the satisfaction of being a member of yet another ever-growing social site. I joined to find like minded souls that may understand the twisted ways my mind works.



So who the hell are all you happy little social butterflies and why are you here in my little window of hell ruining my view?



If you want to tell random people about your new phone or what you thought of your new video game go to facebook. As far as I'm concerned, little socialites like you have no place here.



It's like when a prep tries to act goth... It doesn't work because it's all a lie. Your commitment to this site is a lie!

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obsidianblood
05:45 Oct 24 2010

Welcome to VR!

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Jeez, why must random people keep asking me to be in their Coven?



You are just being greedy for more people so you can get to higher rankings faster. Or one of your promised members was stolen by someone else and you need other random people to trade to get them back.



Either way you are being greedy.



I will not agree to be in your coven just because you asked me. I am going to try to be in a coven of one of my dear friends so when I tell you that, just please leave me alone. You continuing to message me after I tell you I am not interested is not going to sway me.



And the worst part of all this is I am too nice to say all this to your face! Why can I not be more evil to people that are annoying me? What part of my brain compels me to be nice to them? Someone tell me so I can shove a sharp metal object into that part of my brain...

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gszander
16:33 Oct 20 2010

Well, my hands are clean.

You have chosen to take the high road. Great for you. Theirs nothing wrong with being nice. I know I like being nice. Things are just much nicer that way.

I'm with you.

Peace and Blessings.

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Oh my God and Goddess. I can not believe it took me so long to realize why. Why did I “go goth”? Why did I seem to suddenly want to wear all black and paint my face pale? It was not from some weird obsession with vampires or anything stupid like that. (I would like to note that my fascination with vampirism and researching it occurred after my life style change).

I became Gothic the day I planned my own death. And in doing so, I killed myself. So now it is only appropriate to wear all black and paint my face white and wear dark lipstick and eye shadow. By taking on a Gothic style of clothing I am personifying the image of a corpse because in my own mind I am already dead.

I killed myself the day I planned how I was going to kill myself. I’ve just been waiting… Waiting for a reason. I’ve just been waiting to die. And my affinity towards black (which is strongly linked to death) represents this.

I make my appearance to be that of a corpse because I think I already am one…



Why did it take me until NOW to realize this?!



Also, I wonder if anyone ever reads my journals since I do not give them names, only numbers which give no lead into what they are about. Therefore people would just skip over it thinking it's a daily update of what I'm doing like a facebook status or something... Just thinking.

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gszander
16:45 Oct 20 2010

Well first of all. Your learning that life changes constantly, always offering us new and different things. Example, if your in the dark you only need to step into the light to change things. If you don't like what you are, as long as your still alive, change what you are.



Now, I for one check my friends journals every day and do read them, also make comments, as long as I am home. Because thats the right thing to do. If you should say something I don't agree with, I well let you know in a nice way and why I dont agree. I also feel that you have the right to your own opion and I do respect that. Thats what friends are for.

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There is no elaborate evaluation for this entry. I just really wanted to tell someone that I finally got a girl I have been avoiding for over two weeks to stop texting me.



The downside was I had to call her and talk to her for a little while but I manage to make up an elaborate lie on the spot as to why I was ignoring her and then suddenly being a bitch to her this morning.



She ate it all up. Believed every word I said and I know I should be in awe at my ability to lie so effortlessly to people I hate and have them believe me but really, I was more amazed at what an idiot she was.



Seriously... I think I may tell her that I am dropping out of school, moving to the city, and getting married. My only problem then would be seeing her around town but I hardly go out anyway and she doesn't have a car, so as long as I stay away from where she works I should be fine.



I wonder if I can pull that off? Then I will never have to speak to her again. Oh, I'm so giddy about the thought of it! This must be what the actual good Catholic school girls feel like.