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So Im going to my Grandma Helen's house for Fourth of July. She's having a block party and shes also celebrating my 17th birthday. Im kind of nervous because the kid who rapes me everytime he sees me. My family doesn't believe me that he does so they ignore it and im worried because its a pool party and there will be alcohal and a lot of people so if i get locked in a room with him alone no one will notice....eh

I was born into a family who are drug addicts and alcohalics. When i was 2-3 my mom and dad would make me sit on the couch all the time while the got high and then beat the crap out of eachother. they got divorced when I was 4 and my uncle was dating a woman with two children, Austin and Autumn. Austin was my age. I remember we used to watch charlies angels and the grimlans together. Then one day we were watching charlies angels again and he started touching me. he started doing this everytime i saw him. He said it was a game called house, or girlfriend boyfriend. Well this kept on my whole life but i realized it wasnt a game when i was 7. He brought his friends and my friend levi over to swim n he told them i was a whore and they would touch me too. I told my grandma and she didnt care. My uncle married his mom and when i told him he called me a whore as well. my mom during this time abandoned me for drugs and my dad was dating a woman named Rebecca. Rebecca had a daughter my age named Kim. Well in a couple months after that Rebecca was pregnant and she was married to my dad. She started beating me and telling my dad fake stories of how i hit kim and he'd beat me too. I would try to call my mom many times and one day my mom picked me up from my dads to spend the night. My mom had a boyfriend named Jordan. He was a big mean black guy and he cheated on my mom and hurt my mom alot. She was still on drugs and she had alot of black guys over to hang out in her room. i knew tht they were having sex and then doing drugs but she didnt care. When i went back to my dads my sister Sammy was born and my mom was pregnant with my brother david. My dad acted like i didnt exsist and replaced me with his new daughters. Rebecca said that she was my mom now and that my mom didnt love me. I couldnt go anywhere bcuz my mom disappeared again and at my grandmas i was raped. So i stayed and got abused mentally and physically. When I was 9 my mom got sober. She was getting a job and cleaning up so she can take me out of rebeccas grip. But so she couldnt take me my dad moved to Montana. There i lived in a closet and i only got out for cleaning or going to skool. when I ate it was very little and if they caught me eating i'd be beaten. I was 10 years old then and 5'9 and 98lbs. My dad said i was fat. by then i had beautiful blonde hair down to my butt. Rebecca hated me for that so she cut it off into a mexican pompador and dyed it brown. my dad and his family had brown hair and my step mom was mexican. She told me that now i look like the rest of the family. on my 12 bday my dad kicked me out. He said i was too much like my mom and i moved in to my grandmas house back in Cali. My cousin Austin came over alot and one day while i was in the bathroom he put his dick in my ass. i cryed and it hurt so much but he didnt care. my grandma didnt care either. when he left i took a shower repeatedly trying to wash away the pain. A year later I moved in with my mom who was sober and she had a son named David. We lived in Hemet and It was ok. I was home schooled. My mom hit me sometimes but that was ok because if it made her happy then I could stay. I missed her so much. When I went to go turn in the homework at the school once a week i say my friend Rokkit. She was my only friend and she showed me a new lifeforbidden. All throughout middle school i would go to her house and we would hang out. She lived in a forest in Sage. Her parents were hippys but they were like my second family. She became my girlfriend and I loved her. My mom hated her so she made me tell rokit i couldnt hang ou anymore. That made me depressed and i snapped. I started cutting myself. My mom got married to a man named Brian. Hes a nice guy and I love him as my dad. He has three kids. Courtney, Anthony, and Melissa. Anthony and Melissa hates me ant my brother david but courtney became my best friend and my sister. We moved back to Lake Elsinore and i started High School. I met my soul sister Alex and I started awakening. I realized that the dreams i had sinse i was 10 were real. I met a boy named Robert. He was my first boyfriend. We had sex and I thought i loved him. He played mind games with me and moved to Arizona. He would call me and call me a whore. I said story of my life and would hang up. then Sophomore year i started dating my best friend Aron. He treated me right and i loved him so much. We dated till junoir year then he dumped me. I was late for my period and i took a preg test. it said i was pregnant and i told him. he said he was going to kill himself and he didnt want anything to do with me. I told my mom and she freaked. she called me a whore and cussed at me. I cryed alot that day. The next day we went to the docters to get my blood done to see if i really was preg. the docter wouldnt take my blood so we wated. 3months later we went back and heard for the babys heart beat. the baby didnt have a heart beat. I was so depressed because it was dead. My sister melissa is 3yrs older than me. She was pissed because i was pregnant and so she got pregnant too. she is an attention freak. anyways..she hated me more when she found out my baby died. So now she was pregnant at 19. I try to avoid going to my grandmas because my cousin still touches me. I move to different schools because Austin went to the school i did. So now I go to Paloma and I had a boyfriend named John. He cheated on me with three different girls. So i dated a guy named Chris. He had sex with me then ignored me. So i hate myself more and more. I hate my family for what they do to me and I cant escape it. Alex moved away so I am alone in this hell. I see my soulmate in dreams and it kills me to know that i might not ever find him. I stopped cutting myself because its stupid and pointless. I dont bleed anymore. I cant produce tears anymore and I cant die. I got hit by cars, jumped of a cliff, cut my arteries and soaked in a bath, and overdosed. its pointless. so i live my life being abused and hurt repeatedly waiting to turn 18 and escape this pain. and I wish I had someone who would show me that there is such thing as love because im starting to believe that its a fary tale.

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KaloenMclowan
21:46 Jun 25 2012

sis i love you....

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aphroditespell
21:50 Jun 25 2012

i love u too

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Have any of you ever blacked out and the only thing you remember is wanting to rip someones throat out in front of their loved ones and watch them cry over their loss and laugh as they stare at you with hatred in their eyes? Well i do but I never acted on it. I hate myself everyday for having animalstic malevolent tendencies.

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Kieataya
00:18 Jun 22 2012

That's what landed me in the loony bin the first time. Apparently I snapped and tried to kill my platoon sergeant when he wouldn't stop harassing me. Woke up in the mental ward and spent over a month there for it.

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aphroditespell
03:40 Jun 22 2012

I was emitted in the mental institute once for trying to kill a bully at school and running away before i do too much damage. Luckily one of the nurses were awakened and got me out early.

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So first off all my life men have forced themselves on me and im sick of it. I went to a water park a couple days ago and a creep kept following me and my daughter Lilyanna around and he got all up in my face. seriously dude back off. Then today i log on and a guy had messaged me saying hey your hot do you like anal? Really guy? im sixteen years old i dont want your old weiner near me. :/ Why is it that i only get negative effects from my past life. Being Aphrodite isn't as grand as many people may think. Try being raped at three just because your body gives off an insane amount of female horomones.