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Yes I am back. In more ways than one. I am back in the coven of the silver fang, thanks to bvrose. She has helped me alot. And I have been away for a while trying to get my shit together. But I will post more and more here as time goes on. The FUCKING holidays are among us. Well maybe you all, I despise it. It gives me a sick feeling inside. But, with it comes booze. I guess I can adapt.

Ok, things have progressed. My lads found the missing person. I guess everything is back to semi normal. Right now I am just talking to my guys, making sure they are all cool. They aint used to death like I am, but they will pan out ok. It sounds funny me talking like this, but, I guess I have been around the block a couple times. Kinda fucked up if ya ask me, but gotta persevere. I was gonna retire the end of the year, now I don't know if I can or will. Guess I gotta look deep,and see what I am all about. Time will tell, that or the liquor.

Been listening to these guys for the past few weeks, they are pretty good. Anyhoo.... off for the next three days, so I am pretty happy. Does anybody else have REALLY messed up dreams? I feel like I am in the twilight zone, they are so bizzare. I mean I wake up - going- what the fuck just happened? It is kinda spooky. I hope I am not alone. Remember doing mushrooms or pcp? Uggggh, uh scratch that, but you know what I mean. Really, really messed up stuff. Trouble is, it FEELS like it is real. I mean REALLY real. I hope it is just because of my boozing. Anyway, for all of you that have been reading my rants and raves, I thank you. I know- medications would really help me , but shit, I like it this way!

Yeah, you all know I have better words for tonight. My team sucks, but I will stick with them! Anyway.....Things have been sucky lately. For once I looked at my financial profile, yes it sucks. I should just claim bankruptcy, but I am too proud. Fuck it , time to look out for number one. I don't know what the fuck to do. I had a shitty weekend, burned a block down, one still missing, the other to the burn center. I know it sounds bad-but my boys(and girls) did a fantastic job, I am just so lost, I have no words. That is totally unlike me. It is like I am a different person. I feel so fucking empty. I am not the same person I was. I feel like a ghost. I want to be there, but I cannot go. What the fuck is wrong with me? I know I need help, or I will be lost forever. I should have just cashed it in that morning.

Dammit-why cant halloween last two months. This happy, happy, joy, joy shit is too much. Already! All this stuff going on, and I find out, I gotta be at the office xmas eve and newyears eve! That is TOTALLY unacceptable! Just cause I don't have a family of my own, they think that that shit is all cool. Fuck that, I plan on getting pie eyed! At least I have off and get paid for the actual holiday. I wish the baby jesus would just come down here for one fucking moment, and pull me out of my quagmire of shit. THAT would be a holiday blessing! Shit, I might just change my whole attitude. Maybe become a monk, or some great prophet, preaching the holy gospel. ( Yeah, if get to nip the wine) Now THAT would be hilarious. Let me know what all of you think of this, may be cheer me up. Or make me wanna eat lead. Party on!

Ok- I got this thing for full moons. It is just plain fuciing cool, I got off work the other night, and there it was. Just like my tat, big, full, bright with a wave of silver clouds going through it. It was fantastic, too bad my night SUCKED! I should move to a city, cause this stuff is lame. Next to no one is out when I am. Well, at least I am a premo member thanks to Fira2.

I have three days off. I thought tonight was like any other. My bud decides to wander up the street and kill a hurt deer. Normal enough. EEEhhh, NO! Asks me to gut the thing. Mind you, I have never done this before, but he walked me through it. Just because he knows that blood and guts don't bother me, but, of course- I manage to get blood all over my favorite jeans and shoes! Full moon, roadside, dead doe-yeah, that is all me. Is it that strange that that shit don't bother me, I was more concerned about fucking up my attire! It is five am and still cannot sleep, I could not even get drunk. Ate too much for once, prime rib-rare of course-and crab legs, you just don't get any better than that!