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its been a very hard life for me. one minute its all sinking in how terrible ive had it and the next I'm happy living life moving on. I need a mental vacation and I don't know how. my husband is too back and forth telling me he loves me then telling me he doesn't. I know ill be so much better off without him but I cant leave him cuse I love him too much. he has put me in hell and left me there. and I wish I could leave but I don't. idk how to stop argueing with him and I don't know how to have him love me again. maybe its time to leave it alone and pretend it doesn't exist. for so long I longed for his touch but now I'm so used to living without it.