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Now I'm counting down the days. I hate waiting but this has taken to long to come about anyway. I should have done it sooner. I can't wait but I have to. Now I'm trying to stop my head running away with all the things that could happen. *smiles*

Decision made. Put it into action tomorrow so I don't back out. *smiles*

I truly wonder if I'm strong enough to go there yet. I have a holiday planned well just time off work really and I'm totally wondering if I should go back visit the ones I miss most in the world. But I truly wonder how much damage it will cause myself and them. Being honest with myself I think it would rip me in half all over again. Is that a price I'm willing to pay?? I know they will be fine because they have to be for the sake of the small one. But me I can totally fall apart. It took me so long to get over leaving the first time round and in some ways I don't even think I am truly there yet. I miss them so much. I want to go back but maybe I'm just not ready yet. Idk but I need to make up my mind real soon as I will have to book flights soon. What to do? Take the risk and maybe risk completely falling apart. Or going and finding out once and for all?? mm