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Isn't it odd how you look at the way some people treat others and nothing ever goes bad for them....Well that isnt the case, I was involved with a guy who completly ripped my heart out tore it up and had for dinner right infront of my face, then found out he had done the same thing to many other women that he'd been involved with, oddly enough I was blind to it and never saw it comming until the blow was so hard that it knocked me off my feet and left me on a gravel road bruised bloody and unable to move in any direction. I wasn't angry at him nor am I right now, just hurt and wondering how and why people can just pick you up like a shinny new toy then put you back in the toy box when they get tired of it and decide to pick you back up whenever they damn well feel like it. Anyways off the rant and raving subject and back to my karma bit...I always thought that ppl like that never had anything bad come to them that they led wonderful lives with the exception of being alone and never having a connection with anyone, but hey thats their choice and thats what they wanted in the first place so it doesnt seem so bad for them, well a week after this lovely person treated me like shit used me for sex and to sell cars to my friends and family then dropped me hahahaha there was a huge storm and a tree fell on his car, now he has to get a new one. So all that hard work having sex with me to sell cars to my friends and family has wound up in him not catching up with the stuff he has bought, cuz now he has to buy a new car. Ahhhhhhhhh life is wonderful karma is a funny and wonderful thing, now all he needs is a std that wont kill him and the world will be better again. Nevermind about the std thing I don't wish that upon him actually I wish him well and hope that he finds whatever he is looking for because to be that way you must be in search for something, no one person is a complete asshole for no reason at all. Anyhow i did get a good laugh out of the whole tree falling on his car and I wonder if he realizes that it happened because he wasnt a nice person and he hurt someone who was willing to love and care for him

Have you ever felt like the walls are closeing in on you, and you cant breath. It's almost stiffling. I'm lost, I feel as if I should be doing something more but I'm stuck. I want to scream but I can't breath and I have no energy to do so, I want to run but no matter where I go it's the same people the same problems the same everything for me nothing ever changes. Why am I here? What am I suppose to do? I wish I had the answers but yet I don't know I have yet to find my way. What I wouldnt give for a change of pace a breath of fresh air something new something different. New faces, new experiences, new anything. I don't know how anyone can live like this and be happy, stuck in a rut where there is no way out or at least you dont seem to see a way out. Half the time I want to crawl under a rock and just waste away, and very few times do I want to go out and find something new, but how can you find something new when you live in a butthole town where there isn't anything there for you other than your so called friends that you question their true motives. I'm so alone with a dark cloud hanging over my head.

dear john doe

Why is it when you allow yourself to care about someone you get burnt? Why did you act like you cared about me only to use me and then throw me away as if I wasnt a person with feelings and emotions but just some possesion that you had and grew tired of. I wish you could see the shattered mess that you have created. It has now been 5 months since the first time we laid together and has been 4 months since I have gotten my period, I wish I could tell you and I wish I knew the truth I keep waiting and waiting to find out if we are going to have a child yet i refuse to take a test because that would make it real, and i dont want it to be real, I don't want to be tied to you for the rest of my life. If I am I wont get an abortion nor with I put a child up for addoption, it saddens me to think that you think you can treat people the way you do and never have anything happen in result of your actions. I do care about you, but I also pitty you. I pitty the fact that you don't have enough self confidence in yourself and the only way to make yourself feel better is by using women and disgarding them. I pitty the fact that you have this need for everyone to like you and accept you and when someone is angry with you you have to lie to smooth things over with them just to gain that acceptance back. Most of all I pitty the fact that you cant see a good thing when its stairing at you reaching its arms out to embrace you and make you feel complete, instead you take a knife and stab that wonderful thing over and over again until she feels that she will never be the same again never love the same again and never feel emotions the way she once did. To the nameless man who ripped my world apart shattered my soul and made me like I am thank you for the good times I'll remember them always.

There are times I wish I wasn't alive, because to be alive you would feel love, anger, sadness, compasion, happiness. What I wouldn't give to erase all emotions just so I didn't have to feel the pain, to be comfortably numb that would be nice. What is love anyways? Is it real or is it just a temporary feeling to help a person get through the sad exsitance of our pathetic lives, to help us get through the boring mundane days, and help with all those sexual needs that we as animals have. Who knows? Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself or maybe I'm just tired. Tired of being here, and tired of doing the same damn thing everyday, and tired of feeling like I'm not good enough to live my life in the company of another destined to be alone.