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I don't really think my life is worth anything, if I killed myself would anyone care. My brothers and sisters are constantly telling me to do it, I think their joking but I can't be too sure. I love them but I have no idea how they feel about me. I don't see how they could hate me, I'm always there for them when they need me, but not a day goes by when they don't say something really terrible to me. I just can't wait untill I go to college and forget about this life and start a new one. This rez is way too small I need something more. I can't stand people talking about me behind my back about how I choose to live. They don't know me, not really anyways. No one knows me on this rez, they like to think they know everyone but I would never let them have the pleasure of know me. Ahh the vanity sets in....jks.. I'm no one special but that doesn't mean they have a right to treat me like an outcast.. well I guess I'm used to all of it.... being an outcast does have its perks. no one expects me too be part of there little get togethers which by the way are boring and not very fun. But I do like going to the pow wows and sweats they put on. thats about the only thing I really do that has something to do with the tribe.