The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

now the reason i called this passage as i have will become apparent but to help you understand i shall say that fighting used to be the crowning point in my life. i used to grow my nails long and file then to points and then paint them with enamel to strengthen them. effectively creatin talons, hehe hehe



so i was 19 and still in 11th grade as i never went to school and was expelled 3 times at that point. reputation was a way of life in High school if any of you had forgotten. so i ran into this guy who had been with my girlfriend, ex-girlfriend at the time of this story. we were suppose to fight along time before and he was in a gang. so he comes up to me in the hallway and asked if i was me and he said my name, so i threw mt leather down and asked why. he then told me his name and i told him yeah i remembered him and that i no longer had a problem with him but it was his call if he still wished to go i would be more than happy. at this point he leaves so i am like, cool, whatever ya know.

so a few hours later i am ditching school and lunch time comes around and this guy i know sorta comes up to me and asks me how i know this guy. so he proceeds to tell me about his small group discussion class and how they were talking about evil people and my name came up and then they were talking about crazy people and my name came up again and then they were talking about drug dealers and my name came up yet again, now as you can imagine i was alittle concerned to be brought up on these topics in a class, with a teacher, in school, but the point he was coming to was that this gangbanger then said i was a pussy and had backed down to him in the hall.

so being driven by reputation i had to respond. so i went to his classes and he was not there for 2 days. the second night i told a mutual friend of mine that if he didnt get me a meeting with this punk i would take my retribution out on him instead. needless to say i had a meeting with him the next morning before school.

that next morning i was awakened by my mother who began to go off on the phone, i didnt live with her, about how much of a loser i was and how she wished she had used birth control amoung other foul things. so if you know me then you know anything happening in my life is fuel and i had learned to redirect it. so this gangbanger was going to die, lol

i showed up in the previously designated place 45 minute early and started hitting the concret wall on the side of this bowling alley across from the school. finally after what seemed an eternity my nemisis finally showed. now i had not been in a fight for some time, nothing that would constitue a actual fight anyways. so i go runnung up to him and just pushed him down, i did this about 3 times and then took my first swing which was almost seemingly slow motion, he easily ducked and came back with a hook. i bit my cheek and tasted blood, my adrenaline began to pump. he was fast, i had a hard time reaching him, i tried to grab his hair but it was slicked back, i tried to grab his shirt but it was too big and he could still get out of my reach, finally the rage took me and i just stopped, we were facing each other toe to toe and doin nothing. finally the rage caught me and i blacked out.

i came to some time later and i was holdng him by his neck off the ground against the wall. his face was changing colors as fast as you could call the color. blue, purple, crimson. i realised by watching his eyes dart back and forth that he was dying and it fueled my rage, i was completely ok with that outcome, what a rush.

then i heard a voice in my head, quiet and serene, say to me, "chris, you cant kill him, he only called you a pussy" this voice and the rememberance still give me chills. i let him go and looked around. all the people watching we no where near enough to have been the voice. they were a good 20 feet off and screaming about how crazy i was. i was totally disorientated. i had never come out of a blackout while the fight was still going. the fight continued shortly when he fell towards me a moment later and i consistantly beat his head against the building and the sidewalk until he stopped resisting, then i got up and went to my first hour and he went to the hospital. but this got me to thinking. i was as sober as a alter boy and maybe that was the reason i had come out of the rage early. i began to think of the consequences if i had not come out of it and had killed this punk. i then realised that i could not allow myself to fight until i could control my rage. it was hard and it took along time but i have succeeded and i am a better person for it, but i miss the sensation that the rage brought over me. the rush i have never again felt the likeness of

an event happened when i was about 16 that forever ruined the color yellow for me.

i was ditching school with some buds to go and get high, now this guy had some laced shit and didnt tell me. my skin was breathing and i was pretty much gone and he brought out his pet tarantula, Lucifer. this spider was as big as my hand. i hate spiders, so when he started fuckin with me with it, i bailed out! we were in a basement and it was dark. so after about 3 minuntes that it took me to turn the knob, i opened the door to the sun hitting me right in the face. all i could see was yellow. i tried to walk but experienced vertigo. so i knelt down and stared at the back of my shoe until the bk symbol was visible to me on my british knights shoes. the rest of the day is a blurr to me except my friends who i lived with used to mock me with his yellow soccer uniform all the time after that!

change is a good thing. there are many things that warrant change. in this episode of 'change' i think our topic of the day should be government, yes one of the two things yer never suppose to discuss with people inless you wanna brawl, government and religion. but since this place is so cool, the ppl actually let you have your own ideals and hopefully not judge, and judge away cuz yer no better than me! .. anyways, back to government, heh heh, yes the government needs to be changed. i have believed this for many a year. at one point in time i actually had my plans for mass anarchy and had formed my own little band of 'do gooders' who would go about killing government officials and police and any other participant against us once the rebelion caught hold. people can see that this way is not working and yet they refuse to have a vioce. the lughead we have in office now is by no means the better amoung his predecessors, but then that doesnt really matter now does it, the electorial college is where the real power lies and plots created there go much deeper that what is right and best for a billion ppl.

now when i brought this up to one of those silly little sheep there response was something like, yes it is a corrupt form of government and yes it needs to be couped, but before you take down the present rule, you must be able to have ideas to make it better.



i shall tell you all, any who chose to read this, my answer then and still to this day...



there are two types of people in this world, well actually much more, but for this purpose go with me here, one of those types are the builders. those who create and help civilization to flourish. your architechs and your visionaries. public speakers, martyrs, so have you. these people are great and my hat gos off for you. but there is a second type that we have not discussed yet and i am a part of that group.

now this group lies in the shadows, in the mainstream of discontent. just under the surface where the true heart of the population lies, untouched by the lies and cover ups, this group are the destroyers, or as i like to call us, the demolition squads. it is our job to bring down the pre-existing foundation of old structures which have begun to fail and present great risk to their occupants. it is we who take down these inferior constructs so that group one can rebuild. how can they be expected to rebuild when the foundation of corruption has not been razed?

so my answer was simply put, thats not my job. i have my job. a job that will never be accepted or appreciated. but a vital job nonetheless.

you are either a part of one or the other. because if you are part of neither..you are a part of the problem.