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Another day; another dollar.

I am here again in another vain attempt to make someone...anyone understand. Of course I don't think I would really like it if I were really understood. A tangled mess of contradictions...that is what my life and I have become. I sit here yearning for company, for society and for companionship....but when I am out and about I sit, stand, or pass out in the shadows never seen, never mourned, and always scorned. Even as I sit here lamenting my non-existent life...I must admit that I would not be happy if I were one of the shiny happy people either.....Not knowing what I know. So as always I will continue in my struggles and wait for my moment comes for me to fullfill my destiny.

Don't know if anyone can understand a word of this and don't really care. I am partying with Captain Morgan tonight and am beyond such trivial matters. Though I suggest you all read this quick because I may regret it later and delete it.....

IAmTheOneYouFear

Again I find myself here with some time on my hands. Time that I should use doing something useful, something for the good of mankind, something to ease the pain and suffering of others, but here I am once again allowing others a trip through some of the shallowest cesspools of my mind and my soul.

Today's Topic: Is it possible to impose one's will upon reality?

If this is indeed possible then are we not each only living in a world of our own creation---whether that be conscious creation or subconscious creation? If we therefore each live in a world of our own creation then why are we not all rich and lazy......could it be that even at our deepest levels that most people are sadists? That we strive to see how much pain and misery we can endure and then use that total as a badge of honor. Just another thought to keep you awake at night.

Not sure, really, what to write about today. I just haven't been all that attentive lately and that needs to change.....even if I have nothing to say.

What do you think Hell is? I have thought long and hard on this matter. Could Heaven and Hell be the same place? The only difference would be your place there. For example Paris Hilton must have been a really good person in life and I must have been the most evil vile person to walk the earth....LOL. Seriously I think this idea has merit......it just needs some more thought.

Sorry, but I have to go back to the more tortorous levels of Hell. I misjudged how much time I had to write.

IAmTheOneYouFear

Ever have one of those days where you just don't feel right, you can't say what is wrong, as there is nothing specific enough to point to and say that is what is bothering me. There is nothing that I can just take a knife and cut away; nothing I can destroy to make everything right again. I don't know which is worse...the general feeling of unease and wrongness or the fact that there seems to be nothing I can do about it. Well......now you all know why I have never bothered to keep a journal before......I am boring.