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Boy, I never thought to make it through the holidays. I was extremely glum and am happy it's almost a new year! So Happy New Year 2008 Let it be filled with love,peace and joy, let us not forget prosperity!

I am so trying each day to be greatful for all I have. I know in my mind I should be so happy, Today I am smiling!1st day of my vacation and I am feeling so loved. I love being loved. I love sex! I wonder if I'm an addict? My man says if I don't get it regularly I am a bitch! I don't mean to be. I just like it a lot, I don't think that makes me bad just lustful of life and living after all that I've lost. It feels good to feel alive

Why is it when I feel so much Love, can I miss the same things that truly touch me? Kissing, Long lingering caresses . I have so much Love just different. Why can't I feel happiness and Be appreciative instead of melancholy for what was?

Why do human's need to suffer? Life's suck's sometime! oh well tomorrow is another day!~

I hear the words I think I absorb what is being said. Only to once again have let down my mate with my obliviousness. I try, I think so hard, yet in an instant I'm in trouble. I am a definite airhead. I know I'm smart however , have a lot of, Blonde moments. LOL. Hope no-one gets offended just joking. Seriously. I know I can only make one person happy today, It will just have to be me.

Yes, I want to be my mates slave. I know I am a strong woman, So why would I want to go there. It's FUN! Damn I never guessed I would have this kind of lifestyle however am truly digging this. Yeh, I'm Twisted and loving it

I have been in a dark mindsett,lately.I don't feel worthy of love. I know that I am logically, however emotionally I ? my sanity. What else is new. I really feel like I don't deserve to be loved, Why I don't know. I feel so in love with my mate. I wish I could show him how much he means to me. We got in a huge fight and I threatened suicide. I however would not ever go there. Again ,why. Desperation, I want this relationship to work so badly I have given over myself , maybe to completely. I would do anything for this man. Why again have I gotten so pathetic that I would threaten suicide. Dark. I really hope to get thru the holidays without to much depression. I am my therapist says, having a delayed mourning to my mates death. i don't know. I went form his death, directly into a lesbian relationship, she dumped me for someone with more $. Next The man I love and adore, now is a little controlling however I ask for it as I say I want to be his submissive and he my master. Does this make me crazy. i wonder. Maybe for sure a freak. I'm O.K. with that. I will survive I always take care of business and will continue to do so.