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Not that much has changed since December

I'm still depressed have been for ages and i fuckin hate it.

My life seems worthless and i just cant take it any longer.

Just to bring u up to date my bf finished wth me and i was happy bout that at first and then it hit me how much i missed him and wanted him back.

Then 2 months later i have to spend a whole week with him with this youth organisation i go to called Gennex. While i was there i cryed every day because of him and he did the same because of me. I had everyone tellin me that he wanted to get back with me but when i went to the shops and came back i found him and my best mate making out in my bed. I was so upset i wasnt able to face him for hours and i still cant now reli. Everytime i think about things i blame myself for mucking everything that is ever good in my life. I dont blame him for what happened but i do hate him for what he put me through. and then things got worse when he told all of his mates that i had slept with him. I was as mad as ever. I hate it when people lie about things like that because i take stuff like that seriously. I was soo angry that i had an argument with him and i said stuff that i didnt mean.

I hate myself for letting him get to me and i hate myself for ever letting him in my life.

When i think about him i want to die right now i just want to kill myself.

I've tryed to before 3 times but they all failed.

the 4th time will not

I just wish things where different for me in my life.

Its so shit being put on this planet i wish i wasnt born