The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I am lost now. My friends are gone, and my love...my love has anger towards me. And I lost a friend today, Ben Mellor, to cancer. Leukemia or however it is spelled. This day could only get worse if I moved or if my love left me. But only then. I wish to cut...but promised I wouldn't. I wish to die...but fear the loss. I have noone it feels. Why can't there be one decent guy to treat me with the respect I deserve? After being raped, and going through all I have been through he treats me like this? What to do...

~Morgana~

I'm waiting for my hair color to set. I get 30 minutes of waiting time. I streaked t the top layers with red, and then the nape of my neck is completely red so that when i put my hair in a ponytail it looks cool n stuff. I'm glad its naturally super straight, otherwise i would look like an idiot. who knows, maybe i will anyway. I didn't bother dying my hair black first, because EVERYONE does that, and I'm nothing like anyone. So yeah, my hair is dark brown with red streaks now. Freeaky.

~morgana~

I'm going to die right now. I can't call my prince for an hour and a half, becaue of cell phone minutes. And the email i wrote my mom about him, she didn't reply to it. She sent me a fucking picture. She's trying to blow it off. And i don't know whats going to happen to me and his relationship right now, because last night i asked if i left would he be hurt and he said no. Should i have left him? Why am i asking any of you. You've never been through this. You don't know what this is like. Don't try to think you do. Don't even.

~Morgana~

MY boyfriend and I just had a fight. I really REALLY FUCKED UP THIS TIME. And i didn't fucking mean to. He has a hard spot on his chest. It hurts. You know, the kind that people get when they have breast cancer. Something might serioulsey be wrong. He said he wasn't going to worry about it, so i brushed it off. He accused me of not comforting him and not caring. Now he thinks im a liar, ALL BECAUSE I WAS TOO WRAPPED UP IN WANTING TO BE TOLD NICE THINGS INSTEAD OF THE FACT THAT MY BOYFRIEND MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM. MY GOD. I don't deserve this beautiful creature to love me anymore. But he won't leave me! And i wonder why. Because i really REALLY dont FUCKING deserve him, but i cant do anything about it because before i had sex with him, i promised i would never leave him. And i never want to. I never will. He will do it. Unless it must come to an extreme. I should have followed my instincts. you ALWAYS LISTEN TO THAT INSTINCT. ALWAYS. Its the little Amel inside of you, that tells you exactly what you need to do to avoid trouble, to avoid being hurt. I could have. I couldfuckinghave. We're still together but its POINTLESS because he doesnt believe a word i say!! HAS ANYONE BEEN THROUGH THIS?! I NEED HELP! MY GOD! I think i might die right now. No matter what. No matter if i think im a vampire. that doesnt matter anymore. all that matters is that my boyfriend is ok. cuz i care i FUCKING CARE CAN YOU HEAR ME I CARE. Why can't anyone ever treat me right? WHy can't i treat them right when someone like that DOES FUCKING come around? WHY IS HE STILL WITH ME WHY WHY WHY WHY! I'm so lost! My god i should kill myself now. My god people, a fellow vamp is on her last line. help me

~Morgana~

I had a bad dream, that my prince broke up with me for a girl named Mandy. It seemed so real. I hope this isn't one of those dreams I have that come true...I called him and he said he wasn't going to dump me and I should calm down and go back to sleep. He loves me, I know this. But this Mandy had power. I must gain her power. I must know who she is, so that I can take her life and absorb her energy into my veins. Possess her. She'll not take the only thing keeping me alive from me. Hey. If life is killing you, kill the life.

I just read something on this site, and I think I am a psy vamp. I don't know how I became so into all of this stuff anywho. I wasn't born this way, because you aren't born what you are. You becom what you are. I hear things. Sometimes when I look at people and want to know what they look like, to see their face, they turn around and look at me. I have dreams that come real. All the fricken time, not normal human deja-vu. If it was normal I wouldn't have been wondering. I got interested in vampires after watching Bram Stoker's Dracula when I was probably 5. I didn't know much, but I was very intrigued. Then I saw Interview with the Vampire when I was eight, and I knew more about what these creatures were and I wanted to "grow up" to be one. But then I thought that only an immortal being could do it. Which isn't accurate. Anyway, I haven't tried using any power of psychic nature on those around me, because I'm afraid I'll fail and be a big joke. I just wish someone could tell me how to properly use what I have, if I have anything. I wonder if anyone who reads this will care at all. I'll go about my normal business of thinking about my prince for now. ~~

I decided to write an entire section on HIM. I found this band, and it was like falling in love for the first time at first sight. At the same time. I listen to HIM and I feel better. The lead singer is my God. If I met him in person, i would cry and fall to my feet and thank himself for being here. And writing songs for me. All the words i couldn't think of, that i can say "hey sweetie listen to this, this is how i feel right now" and i dont have to do any talking. Me and him can just sit there, makeout, hold each other, and listen to HIM sing our feelings for us. Isn't that amazing? No other band can do this. I like many bands. But not in this obsessive-worship kind of way. Like i do for HIM. I worship HIM. I want to see them live. I envy those who don't live with parents who can do what they want to. My mom hates me. But HIM makes me feel better.

I wonder if anyone here resents me. I hope not, for there would be immature people here. Immature people don't deserve to be here. If you're reading this, you should take some of silentalucard's quizzes. They're in his journal. They're fun! Especially when you're bored, sitting in front of a computer with a miniskirt on and noone to see you in it. :(

I don't have any friends. Thats sad, I'm really a great person. I think. So today the country is celebrating a bunch of freedom crap. My family is always yelling at me about respecting this country. Well. I don't have much to say about this country and it's discrimination against me. Against gays, lesbians, bisexuals (which i am), and against people who have other beliefs besides their "god". Whatever.

God, being in California for 5 weeks sucks. I haven't seen my dark prince for this long. And I miss him. He is my eternal lover. Mine forever. Argh. I write tons of poetry. I can put it in here? Vampires don't really exist. Do people really think that? You can take on a vampiric life style, but immortality is not real. Show me someone who is immortal. Someone I could stab over and over and who would only spill blood until the wound closed again and they still walk this earth. Tell me.