The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Well, I have two more nights at Allergan hopefully. Then it is off to Dell. Allergan has been there as an employer when I needed it . Adecco is still the staffing agency I am going through for the Dell job. Now is the time to move on.



Like Green Day said and I say to all of my co-workers I am leaving behind " Another turning point;

a fork stuck in the road.



Time grabs you by the wrist;

directs you where to go.



So make the best of this test

and don't ask why.



It's not a question

but a lesson learned in time.



It's something unpredictable

but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life."



Or like Edward R Murrow always said Good Night and Good Luck.

Part 3



A friend of mine that has never been in trouble with the law is going to turn herself in. Yes, she is going to go sit out a 2200 fine in Falls County, Tx. I have lived in Falls County and the jail is not where you want to go. The worst of the lot are there, so I am worried about her. A dog that was being kept in her yard got into it with another dog belonging to a child that got bit in the process. I believe it was the dog in my friend's yard. Well, hell. She is not rich by any means and if I combined the net worth of every friend I have at the moment we may come up with five dollars on a good day. I do not hang out with the Hiltons. She goes to see the judge on Monday. Hopefully, she can delay turning herself in. Maybe the judge will have some compassion on her. She is not a major criminal. It is not like I am friends with a modern day female version of Lucky Luciano.



Then this neighborhood knucklehead wanted to get with me. I did not want him. Everyone knows who I want. He is a co-worker. (Though not for long and I am going to miss working with him. ) I should be starting a new job on July 9th. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I need to be on the fastest thing smoking out of Allergan. This guy turns out to be married and a cheater unlike most of them. He has had or tried to have sex with every female in our apartment complex. He has been married for four years and does not work. Plus , he hits his wife. Well, I do not want or need anyone like that. My radar was telling me I did not want that and I am glad. I dodged a bullet right there. I have met the wife. She is a good person from first impressions. She just was alone for thirteen years and he sweet talked the hell out of her. I am not letting any man sweet talk me like that. If you want me, you better have a job, keep your hands to yourself and if you think you have to cheat avoid sleeping with everyone in the neighborhood. Of course, if a man is with me he will get plenty of sex. If he is cheating, he has a major sexual addiction. It is safe to say he would cheat on Halle Berry too.



Then the yahoo next door goes out partying with his friends. Well, one of the guys in the truck with the group going to get shit faced parked his cute little car in the apartment complex's parking lot. Well, the truck pulls out and right into the taillight. The guy was not amused. The one who did it offered to get his insurance to fix it. I am glad he seems to be a decent fellow.



Some good happened too. Nthaniel starts a new job on Tuesday. Mikhail may be working with me on my new job. WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!! All three of us could use some good luck for a change. Lets hope Karma keeps remembering us.



I went with Connie tonight to the Flying J's truck stop. I waitressed there for about three months. I found out from a former co-worker that I really busted my ass and that customers still ask about me. I am glad.



I got to swing tonight. It has been some time since I have been on a swing and I love them. You know the ones in the park that the children like to play on. I felt free from everything for a few minutes. I sometimes wish I could fly. I would feel free the whole time.



Maybe, at least I am praying and have alot of faith that things calm down. I do not need any more drama. Drama is not something I love or crave. I think it belongs on the soap operas. Maurice Bernard gets paid a bundle for dealing with drama as Sonny on General Hospital. Well, unless ABC wants to give me a comparable paycheck, the people in my life better stop with the bullshit drama. Or they can always pull their money together and pay me what Maurice makes for his work as an actor. I could use the funds. I will donate some to some good causes. One of the causes will be the Lola fund. I need some things.

Friday at work was no better. I end up on a line with Abigail and Gilbert. I am sure they were thrilled at first. IT means they would not have to work. Of course, I work too fast for Abigail. That just makes her think I am going to do things wrong. I am already concerned about that myself and do not need anyone telling me that. I could panic the whole shift. Then, she does not want me leaving the line. Ok. This woman is afraid I will not come back. When the hell does she think I am going? IT is not like Joaquin Phoneix called and said let's go out. I need money too. Does this lady think I have a hidden trust fund and just come to work for kicks? No, I could go to Route 66 for that.



Well, after I explain how some of the permanents do not want to get off their behinds and work and that is why I have to stay stuck to the line all night like someone superglued my ass there, Gilbert calls Justin , the supervisor. I end up on Line 11. I think some of it has to do with how often I talk to either Connie or a male co-worker on my line that everyone knows I like. What they do not know is that Lola is aware that the man is not interested in me. I am not delusional by any means. I know how to keep Lola in check. I hope they do not believe I need their help for that. They could help save Dafur first. Dafur needs the help, I do not. When I need their help with my love life or lack there of, I will send them a personal invitation with a RSVP attached to it.



I end up on Line 11. Well, another woman who has or still likes the same male co-worker I do is out there. This man has every frigging woman in a five hundred mile radius wanting him. Frank Sinatra is probably looking down from Heaven jealous as hell. So is Joe Kennedy. I get questioned about this man in a roundabout way. I was just trying to make it through the night. No that was not going to get me through the night and it was not alright. Nobody told me there would be days like these. John Lennon was not the only one misinformed. I got told that both Connie and I have a crush on him. Well, Connie does not have a crush on him. Neither do I. I am not 12. I have been on the planet for 36 years. I think my mother could inform them of that fact. She was there the day I was born. If she was not, then someone may need to tell me something.



Connie had gotten some bad news and had to leave early. Josie volunteered a ride, but then I never saw her. I may have missed her or took too long to get out of the building. I should have been sprinting to the door like I was Wilma Rudolph or Carl Lewis.



Okay Part 3 is coming. I just need a little break here. More happened. I wish I could say peace and harmony were what went down. Only that would make me a big ass liar.

Well, since I last logged on the Rave and decided to put something in my journal, my life got a tad bit more interesting than I care to have happen in any given week. Some things were good, but quite a few could have not happened and I would not have missed them.



Let's see. On Thursday, I got one hour and a few minutes worth of sleep. That is always delightful after working a twelve hour shift at Allergan. The truly wonderful thing about that is I had sausage, bacon and French Toast waiting on me. My roommate was in a great mood and no it is noone's business about why. That does not really pertain to anything. I had a visit with my son. I was pleased to find out that my son behaved beautifully while the regular people over his care were on vacation. That made my soul happy. Then I break my glasses. That was not something that would make any glasses wearer happy and had to be taken care of immediately. My friend Mikey tells me wisely not to do anything until he gets to my house. I am glad someone said that because by that point my thinking ability was not functioning at a great level. I may have thought it was a grand idea to take a long walk off a short pier. We go to Wal-mart, I purchase reading glasses and off to work I go. Then people assume I was angry in the front break room. Does the word tired and too damn through mean anything to you? I end up informing the entire break room that if their intelluctual level is such that they want to see Jerry Springer that is too bad. I was not going to give them that. I was trying to go to the bathroom when a good friend of me asked me if we had issues. No, we did not. I wanted to use the restroom. I did not know that violated Texas state law, but okay. With Rick Perry as our govenor , it may have. Then on Thursday at work, I am too tired to funtion. Of course, I had some medication and thank God it was working. IF not, well someone would have been in an ambulance and I would have been wearing steel bracelets in a police car. So, I get picked up by Nthaniel and his beautiful daughter, Elisabeth. ( You should see this girl. She is a knock-out. I say daughter because that is how Nthaniel feels about her. ) So, it off to Mikey and Jack's house. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Listening and watching the video to The Beatles Let It Be sent me into tears. I was crying over every damn thing. Mikey and Jack gave me shoulders to cry on.



Before I time out here , I will write the rest of this in another entry.

Listen, if someone tells you something they are telling you how they feel. It may only be momentary, but since you have no way of knowing that, it may be a good idea to take it as it will last for a lifetime.

If someone tells you they are not trying to do something, believe them. Trying to get them to do that is disrespecting that person on a fundamental level that is wrong and you should not do it.



The reason I am saying this is a certain male co-worker has found himself in some stituations that should have taught some serious life lessons to the other people involved. That is not what happened. What happened is I opened my mind to what needed to be taught and caught a couple lessons myself. This individual will tell these women he is not trying to get serious. It is their choice if they decide to play with him. They were warned to begin with and do not heed the warning. What else do they need? A marching band playing a song about it, perhaps? Listen to what someone says to you. It is not just them talking to hear the sound of the own voice. They are trying to tell you something. LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone that knows me knows I am a Democrat and am leaning towards Barak Obama for president. Apparently, a nasty little memo about Hilary Clinton's donations from American Indians was leaked to the press and we found out it was suppose to come from the Obama campaign.



Here is what I found on MSNBC about it:



Obama received some critical press this weekend after word got out -- reportedly via the Clinton camp -- that Team Obama passed around an opposition document with some very tough words about Clinton's ties to Indian-American donors. One of the charges from this incident: If Obama promises a different kind of politics, why is his campaign engaging in the same oppo-game everyone else plays? Our question: By promising a different kind of politics, has Obama put himself in a difficult box for someone who's trailing a campaign that has no problem with playing rough? And if Obama apologizes too easily (and he's receiving major pressure on this story), does he send a subtle message that he isn't tough enough to beat the Republicans or the Clintons? Also, the Sun-Times has another Rezko story…





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First of all, Hilary sure threw her own hissy fit when Barak got the support plus money from many in Hollywood that she assumed would come her way. I like Hilary, but everyone knows this woman has nerves of steel and will win this thing if she has to play dirty. Her husband and his political advisors have taught her a few things. Barak may have things up his sleeve to come and even if Hilary wins the nomination that does not mean she will get away scott free. The Clintons did good things for the country, but made political enemies like everyone else in politics. There are people sitting on things about her, her husband, her daughter and anyone else she may have been close to. Lets not be naive about politics. If she gets the nomination, something will come out. IF she wins, it will get worse. The same can be said of anyone running for president.

Two people I know on the Rave have finally gotten something they have wanted. Something they needed and I am thankful it came through. It is going to be a struggle for them. I love it when people get what they want, even though I sometimes do not get what I want. I am sure the same people I am happy for have been in that boat too, so I am thrilled for them. If you know Nthaniel or Mikhail , message them and say Congrats. If they want to know why, tell them read lolitamarie's journal. They should be able to figure it out or we will all pray, chant, and light a candle for them. Maybe they will think clearly then.

I am sure more eloquent writers have tried to convey what I am about to say.



We are lucky creatures on this planet. No matter how much we destory the environment or how badly we mess things up, the sun so far always rises and sets. The flowers still bloom and if you step outside my door , you will hear the birds. I am having a peaceful, calm day in Central Texas. Sometimes with the people I encounter that is a rarity and I am always thankful to everyone in the known universe when that happens.

Earlier today, I had a phone conversation with Mikhail that really clarified some things in my mind about a mutual friend of ours. If you knew this woman, you would get confused too. She has the capability to be a nice person, but most of the time she will revert to acting like a spoiled, little kid who has to be right and have her way no matter what it does to anyone else. I have had to regulate how much time I spend with her. She wants to have the ability to make me unhappy. That is not something she has ever had or ever will have. IF she upsets something for me, I believe a Higher Power alllowed her to for my own good. Sometimes she has given a person a blessing without meaning too.



Mikhail has had to limit his exposure to Stacy. I agree that is the best way to handle her. She will drive you up the wall and back down again, once she becomes bored with you. People are playthings to her. That is a sad fact. Give this girl power and you may have a full-fledged dictator on your hands. The system of checks and balances that would be needed to keep her under control would be greater than what is needed in the United States at the moment. Stacy due to abuse as a child is stuck in an earlier stage of development. I know that is a choice on her part. Another friend of mine suffered extreme abuse and decided to wear her big girl panites during adulthood.



Brothers and sisters are close. They are around each other all the time and will fight. This is the same way it is with Stacy and her friends. Too much exposure and you will end up being the biggest bitch, liar, whore, etc (take your pick of any negative noun) on the planet. Spend time away from her and she wil honestly miss you. It is something else to see and even harder to deal with when you are the person in question.



Mikhail made a point that whenever Stacy makes progress, her mother will put things into her head. I am not sure about that. Shirley does say things at times that are a little nutty or not complimentary about the people that truly care about Stacy. I would prefer not to know what she has said about me. I am sure I would be upset and say ugly things in return. Shirley is a fellow human being. She had a mother that loved her.



Stacy is not all bad. No-one truly is. I am sure that there have been players on the world stage that showed their bad side to many and only the good to a few. It makes me angry that the person Stacy could be all the time may never win out. Her mother and her step-father ( whoever he is well I hope to never met him) did a number on her that she may never recover from. Stacy will try to help people. Her mother is a unknowing prophet of Social Darwinism. She believes people that can will help themselves and that others should leave them to fend for themselves. At least she has something in common with Charles Lindbergh.

I have to admit that like everyone else I get angry with those who have to be the center of attention in any given stituation. I feel like they disregard everyone else there and feel like they are the star. Too bad they are not on Broadway is what I go to thinking many times.



Then I realized that it is not a sin against yourself to sit back and let them get all the attention. In some cases, they may be quite entertained and you will forget about your problems for a moment or two. Maybe even longer. You can at least know if they are not cruel or a major drama starter, no disagreements will break out.



You do have those who use the attention they get to belittle others. They are the ones that disregard every other human being on the planet. They are easy to get into a verbal sparring with. I would just let that go too. Sooner or later, others will figure out that their true colors are not beautiful as the rainbow to paraphrase a Cyndi Lauper song.

I still hate cigarettes. But I have slipped up and returned to smoking. I hate having an addictive personality. I was once addicted to sex, but some of the wrong guys did enough, that I was cured of that one. Do not get me wrong, I still love sex, but not everyone gets to find out how much. I kinda wish cigarettes would at least get vocal in their abuse, but since they do not have mouths or vocal chords that is not about to happen.

I think I have met the two laziest men on the planet. One is a permanent on my job and the other is a temp like me. I almost went off on them. Someone told me I was not as focused as the night before and I could not disagree. They were getting on my nerves. I had a father that could be difficult, but not lazy. So, if I dealt with him, I know I can deal with these two. How is the question? One is a blooming idiot. The other may be intelligent or he is hiding his stupidity by being quiet.



There is a woman on our job that is physically attractive. A friend of mine that is hyper critical of people in the looks department agreed with me that she is almost a dead ringer for Halle Berry. She is beautiful on the outside. Now, on the inside that is an entirely different matter. I do not thing she came into the world this way. That is the sad thing about this . Life has made her ugly on the inside. I do not know what made her that way or who did it to her. I would like to beat the crap out of them. Who would hurt someone so badly that their whole demeanor changes drastically and they are less than what they were suppose to be. She feels less than a human if every man in the place does not pay attention to only her. Somehow she thinks her looks are the only thing she has in her favor. She is intelligent. She is probably a good parent. I am sure she has been a great friend in the past. I wonder if she is a case like Marilyn Monroe. Marilyn was beautiful. She was smart. Sometimes she could be cruel, but underneath it all was a hurt little girl. I wish there was some way to help this woman, but I am not close to her and to protect myself I doubt I ever will be. I hope somehow she realizes what she is doing to herself. I wish she would.



I hurt my hand but apparently not badly. I wanted to leave, because I did not want to do any more damage that would prevent me from working next week. I need to pay bills, so that could cause some major problems. I do not want or desire that at this point.



There is someone on my job that thought they hurt my feelings and I felt bad they thought that. I was wondering where in the hell they got that from. This is not one of those ugly, cruel individuals that you have to avoid to keep from getting hurt. I sometimes think this person does not see himself they way he really is. Or he is too rough on himself. Someone did a number or two on him somewhere down the line and he was hurt badly by it. I would so love to tell this person what a fool they are, but I am sure they know it. Since this guy is nobody's fool, I am not worried about the same person doing it again. In fact, I am sure they will never get the chance. The difference between him and the young lady in the above paragraph is that he did not become hateful. She should take a cue from him on how to live her life.



Someone made me smile last night, when I did not feel like doing it. That person is good for that and a joy to have around. I do not think many fully appreciate that about her. Oh well, I do.

I have been a smoker since I was in the navy and today I am quitting. Cigarettes have decided to cause a good friend of mine to have COPD. He will be on oxygen. I am wanted to rip all cigarettes up and throw them away. I use to get mad at the Non Smoking Nazis. Now I am just one of them. I have joined the ranks of the millions who hate smoking. I will not smoke again!

Well, I sure my intention was to go to work tonight. That did not happen. Connie who is my ride barely made it there herself. She ended up catching a ride with her daughter who had too much on her plate to pick me up as well. Understandable. Any reasonable person would realize that no-one owes them a ride to work. No-one has to do anything for you. That is just the way life goes. I will go in tomorrow night.



On the positive side, I finally got to tell my mother Happy Birthday. Both her and my friend Jack think I am similar to my father. I would like to be in denial about some of his attibutes that have been passed down to me, but ( if they ever read this , they would be in shock. I do not like to agree with these two Geminis. Geminis know they are right. They are just waiting for the rest of us to admit it.) they do have a point. I have some of his good qualities. No matter what I say about a friend or how angry I get, I am still their friend. I may swear to all of Heaven that I will never help them again, but if fifteen minutes later they need me, I am there if possible day or night. I am strong. Somehow I make it through. Denial helps in the short run and then I get down to brass tacks, see what I needed to see and move on. Yes, I still have moments when something out of the past gets to me, but like my father , I do not lay down and die , because of it. The bad part of this is I may expect others to do the same thing. I am sure some have wanted to strangle me when I tell them I dealt with it, you must to. I am sure I come off as a condescending witch with a captial B at that point.



Ed Haynes, my father, was a complex individual. I would like to say everything is easy and cut or dry with me, but I would be telling a big whooper. Ask Nthaniel on the Rave. He is a Gemini that would be more than happy to set the record straight. I once thought he hated me by pointing out by bad side, but he knew I would deny it and get completely out of hand with everyone. For that, I have to begrudingly thank him.