The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

im cold.. as i find out news that chills my bones.. i cant believe whats happening to me.. my world spins as i dont think things can get any worse.. I cant find hope becouse it does not exist.. why is this happening? I cant believe it.. God why have you forsaken me... I fear.. this fear grows everynight.. im becoming more paranoid by the day.. u may think im nuts (even though i am) but i need school.. school has my friends who usually help this go away 4 a while... who knows if that will help though.. it hasnt for a while for it scares me to tell them how i feel... i know they know how i feel and some have gone through most of what iv been through.. but i hate burdaning them.. even if it means keeping everything kept inside.. im tierd of being the one of us who's the most sensitive and gets depressed the easiest..i want to be strong.. i dont want people to see my pain anymore.. no matter how unbearable the pain gets...

as some of you know.. I used to be in love with the most wonderful guy.. until he thought it wouldnt work out since he was 2 years older. But then he fell for my friend.. And i should have been over him.. it's been months.. but it hurts so bad.. i remeber how much fun we had.. and when he told me how much he cared about me.. it hurts more and more as time goes on.. all i wanna know is why.. why do people who always see pain have to be hurt, but those who know no pain are always left unhurt..

sooo.. my mom was gonna get a divorce from my step dad.. then changed her mind and said she would just seperate till he got better.. well then he cheated on her, she got pissed and said it was final she was getting a divorce.. again now she changed her mind and said she would let him proove himself... when i told her if they did get back together to wait until i leave the house (2 yrs away) couse i dont like him, never have nor will.. She got mad and called me a bitch.. Ya mom thats the way to trat your doughter!! well then she desides that they wont have a chance if they dont get together again. so in a few months he's moving into our 2 bedroom apartment.. and guess what.. i have to share a room w/ him.. what kind of a mother would put her 16 yr old doughter through this hell.. and she thinks she's making the right disition be couse itswhat "God wants" i meen how is toturing your doughter what God wants

well, 3 days till my b-day. I was gonna have a party for my sweat 16.. But all my friends had to work. So I canceled it.. No biggie though. it's weird, the 1st time iv never had a bithday party.. It's also funny how i've looked so foward to turning 16, but now I dont wanna.. I'm dreading the day. My best friend says she wantsn to do something On my birthday but wont tell me what it is.. but she's been so busy that i dont wanna have her take the time.. il pry just tell her to screw it and have her do the things that she needs to get done.. i meen its valubal time 4 her.. my other friend says she'll make it up. but i really don't care if she does or not.. and if she's reading this then so she knows DONT WORRY BOUT IT JOEY. anywho.. yep.. the final countdown.. yippie @_@

Every day feels like a new hell.. My head pounding and my heart racing.. I'm scared of what people think of me.. I havn't been this way in a year.. a year ago i stopped caring and now that paniky feeling is returning. Maybe becouse I'v been hurt so badly in the last fewe months and its a reaction that i cant control. But I'm nervouse. My only safe time is when I'm with my friends. And then I'm not totally safe. There's always a little anoyance that follows so I can't feel secure. I walk around in a daze and try not to fall over. I feel like crying and never coming out of the trance like state. Even when I come on this site i dont have fun any more.. I just wish i could run away for all eternity