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I am having a hard time today. I am feeling a bit off. Like something is not quite right.



Its something deep down, making my insides do flips. I just cant get it together.



I know I really need to. Gotta get to work. There is lots to do, but I just can't shake this feeling. Almost if I had someone to talk to, but I am not sure what we would talk about.



I used to have good friends that I could, but now? I just seemed to have let everybody go.



I have always believed I dont need anyone. I will be fine alone. Just some things need to be let out, I guess. . . . .

Mark is my younger brother. Step brother actually. I remember back when we were kids. Seemed like we did not always get along, but we were brothers. Nothing comes between brother....ever.



He was in prison for 11 years. When he was released, he could not get enough freedom. He had a beautiful daughter. A loving wife. Just moved into a new house, got a good electrician job. But it was not enough. They had another beautiful daughter. You could tell something was not quite right. He was slowly starting to self destruct. Began to miss work, getting home late. missed dinners at moms.



Then one Saturday morning, my mother called. She told me that he was dead. I felt sick. Empty. I felt nothing. My vision started to blur, and i threw up.



I went to my mothers house, and the whole family was there, the neighbors, old friends, the paramedics, police, so damn many people. My mom saw me, and she ran to me, and would not let me go. She yelled at me " DO NOT EVER LEAVE ME!!, PROMISE YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE ME!!"



I still remember like it was yesterday. That was six years ago in August .



I have seen him a couple time since he passed away. in the grocery store. He will be standing at the end of the isle. i will see him, he waves, I blink. And he is gone.





I hate everything.