The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

they figured out how 2 enter my my space and manuver around it. 2day thanx to my network while i was on, i got a message tellng me i was now logged off mine and put on a third party network. funny thing was, there was ever a glich of any sort. i had always heard of things like that being possible, but never thought they were real. i knew people could hack in2 others network, but never hack u out of urs. well, i found out otherwise. u can b hacked out of urs. u can also b shut down out of urs. fun huh. i didnt think so. i sorta angered me. i have a wireless connection which means they had 2 b fairly close 2 me. my brother lives 4 blocks from me and i can pick up his signal, cant get in it, but i know its there. the stray dog i can get into 2 blocks away, but my daughter uses it. so what do u have 2 do to pull sum1 in2 sum1 elses? i'm no computer geek. all i kno is they did it 2 me twice 2day and the second time when i acknowledged it on my mood and statis, they booted me off. hows that 4 fun. i couldnt get on page. buttheads. so i shut down and waited a couple of hours. will they ever leave me alone?

i thought i would go shopping 2day, but not 4the same reasons as every1 else. i actually needed food. so i left later in the day. i also thought i would go alone hough my husband was against it.



as it turned out, my 16 yr old was just walking thru the door as i was getting ready 2 walk out. my hubby was happy cuz now she could go with. i didnt argue. she wasnt real happy 4 having 2 tag along either but we thought we'd make the most of it. what 16 yr old likes 2 babysittheir 36yr old mother? what moher likes 2 be babysat 4 that matter.



but we were having a good time anyway after we were done complaining 2 each other bout the situation. we walked the store, looked at all the sales, got our food and left.



then i headed 4 the pharmacy. no biggy rite? wrong. i noticed a dark grey chevy pulling out behind me as i was leaving the parking lot. i didnt pay to much mind 2 it, my town is small and any1 can leave the same time i can an go the same way i am.



however when i pulled in2 the pharmacy, it pulled in2 the next parking lot over. well, its an auto parts store, mayb the truck or another vehicle of theirs needs fixed. so i went in2 the pharmacy minding my own business.



when i came out and pulled out of the parking lot, it pulled out of the auto parts store and was behind me. now could that be a coincident? could b still. but it followed me all the way home.



i turned down a different block in front of my house knowing who ever it was already knew where i lived, they kept going. the block i went down wasnt a normal block, it was a triangle. i ended up right back up in front of my house. as i was getting ready 2 pull up 2 my house so i could back in, i noticed they were turning down a side street that would lead them rite back 2 my house. or anywhere else they wanted 2 go in this little town of ours.



my 16yr old went inside, my husband came out and i didnt c them again. but i told my husband bout the new truck. it wasnt 1 i had seen yet. the man also had a boy in the truck about the same age as my son. it is unusual for them to ever have thier children with them, so was this just a mere coincident or was it 1 of them? from walmart to the pharmacy 2 home, i know its a small town, but its not that small that u end up every where sum1 else does at the very same time.



my husband thinks it was 1 of them and its because i hadnt been out of the house since school got out this week. he thinks it was probably a rush thing 2 get to me. but with sum1 with me, they wont come near me. cowards. but i didnt recognize the guy either. or the vehicle, but that hasnt ever really mattered in the past.



i know DH has two daughters one is the age of my oldest and the other is around the age or close t it of that of my son. so i know they have families, its just odd 2 c them w/their children.



my husband was rite in making me take my child w/me. which sucks because i thought they were actually starting 2 leave me alone. i guess not. i thought they were just haunting my dreams now, but this just proves thats not the case.



this scares me a little cuz i leave 4 paw paw on monday afternoon 4 work and then again 2 vicksburg on wednesday. hopefully the vehicle i take locks. they r definitely good at leading me to believe in a false sense of security.

yesturday was my aniversary with my husband. i was so hoping it would be different than it was. i didnt want anything. just time with him. nothing more. how hard do you think that should have been? not hard right? wrong. way wrong.



we went out for dnner. he was mad because the cd that those creeps bought me was in my cd player. hey, its a good cd. i threw the 1 they bought me away and bought me my own. what more does he want?



then he was mad because they took the time to stop by and wish us a happy aniversary. i cant help that either. like thats my fault. so that put him in a crappy mood. so dinner was quiet. i tried to keep it focused around just him and i. about our lives, about our past, our love, him and i. but no matter how i tried, they kept coming up.



he says it always about me, they want me, everyhing they do is centered around me. he's just there. just there to work and take care of me. he has no meaning except to take care of me. ok, i'm getting sick of that. i didnt ask them to come around, i didnt ask them to do the things they do. i didnt ask them anything. i dont want them near me. if i could change it i would.



but he's all its about you, you, you! i guess he's feeling left out. what i wouldnt give to feel left out and to be him. what i wouldnt give not to be me! i just wanted a nice quiet dinner with my husband and all i got was "everyone wants you, its all about you."



why cant they just go away and leave me in peace? why cant i have my life back? why doesnt my husband understand i would give anything for it to be that way?

i my oldest shopping with my yesturday. i love to go shoppin w/her. we have a great deal of fun 2gether. she was a little shocked tho. usually i try 2 go alone, even w/everything going on. but i wanted 2 spend time w/her. so when she asked, thats what i told her. we have a great relationship her and i. you would think w/her being sixteen, we wouldnt, but we do. there isnt anything she cant tell me. and believe me, she does. its great.



and yes, she knows bout the creepy stalker people. she named them that. i tried to keep them from her, but shes very perceptive. it also didnt help when they started leaving notes on my bus which she rides w/me in the morning, and started showing up at her work observing her. you cant hide that. you also cant hide dad and mom arguing bout it.



but thats not why i'm writing. i hadnt told her bout the dream scapes tho i'm sure she can hear dad and i talking bout thme. she's not stupid. she was also the one who helped me figure out many of the meanings of like the fifty or so songs they gave me to listen to. she's quite smart for her age.



but anyway, we pulled into the parking lot of the store listening to 1 of our favorite songs when she commented bout them saying it seemed like they were backing off more. i told her it appeared that way, not mentioning the dreams 2 her. i told her maybe they were finally giving up or getting the hint. i wsnt going to follow them.



her comment to me was... or maybe they just wanted me to think so. that i should know by now how they were.



i reminded her it has been over a year since all of this has started. any1 in their rite mind would give up by now.



she riminded me they r not in their rite mind. i couldnt argue. what was i going 2 say. but we went shopping w/out incident and had loads of fun.



however this morning when i got to work, things on my bs wee in disarray. my dreamcatcher wasnt where it was supposed to be, sum of my kids' coloring books were out, i had sum papes out and about, but it wasnt important papers, it was special notes my kids had wrote to me. now was it them? it actually could have been any1. so i cant really say. but most paople if they're going to do sumthing 2 a bus, its not nice, vandilism is usually the case. this wasnt. this was rummaging. nothing was taken, destroyed. just looked at.



at least they didnt hurt nothing, apparently they just wanted to c what my kids had written 2 me and had colored. well, all they found was that my kids luv me and that i luv them. so much 4 things quieting down, if it was them.

most of my day has been uneventful, except that i see them now and again. i really dont care about that. they can watch, just keep their distance. its at night that is the worst. i sleep, yet i dont. the body is resting, but my mind is forever going and its because of them. it sucks on so many levels. i know soon my body will shut down and they will have to give me a day of rest. i am welcoming that. the last time i had a day of rest was when AH drew those flowers on my hand and arm, i had a couple then. i was so happy, and thankful. i almost liked him for that. Almost.



then when he and DH got into it, well more DH then him, with their whatever he is over him 'marking' me, i was hoping it would cause some kind of riff in their sceme of things, but no it didnt. the only thing it did do was cause AH to prove to me we were by no means friends the very next night. like i needed to be proved that.

please.



usually when he is involved its in that cave. it took me a few days of darkness to realize it was him, but when i found the heat, i knew his presence, sensed it. so finding myself in the cave is no surprise anymore. whether there is light or darkness dosnt surprise me either. it depends on his mood. that next night after DHs little tantrum, he was pleasant enough, but he was true to what i call him, AH.



he knew i had questions to ask him, so i did. in the dark. mostly why was DH so irritated. why would he care, they were part of the same family. its not like they both hadnt done things to me. so why was now different? why if DH felt AH over stepped his bounds did FH not say anything either way?



he said it was simple, it wasnt that he did anything. he marked me yes, DH was mad because he was actually a part of my blood line, AH was not. but because of certain things, we did share blood ties. DH wanted to not just unite the family as a whole, but unite his family. He on the other hand didn't care so much about that. he only cared about uniting the whole family. so no wrong was done. nothing needed to be said.



I asked what exactly the flowers had stood for. yes they were beautiful, in real life and in this world he created. but what wee they really. they gave me energy, they kept him and the others away for a few days and yes i did appriciate that. but what did they do? what were they for?



he told me they were for energy, they werent like the tendrils they had put in me a year ago. i could pull energy from them. I could pull energ from the tendrils,i had learned how, but this was different. he also said this was his way of keeping in touch with me. he was able to sense when i was stressed, hurt, happy, whatever. he could even hear specific thoughts if they were strong enough. emotions. I had that before to with DH.



he said it was not the same. it wasnt going to be used to cause me harm like what DH had done, no inspiring, or any other tricks, it was just for purposes of helping me or for my use. like i believe him. knowing what he's capable of, yea ok like i have idiot written on my forehead.



about the time i sensed him behind me was when he attacked me. from behind, much like they always do. i wouldnt have seen him if he had came from the front, it was so dark. he had been walking around the cave the whole time we had been talking, but when that happened, boy that really irked me.



i was happy in a way it was just astroplanes, most everything there isnt real. yea, he bite me and it sure felt like he was drawing blood from me. but the fact it wasnt real because of where we were only made the experience not quite as terrifying as real life. that and he didnt have that little poker he usually has so i know he couldnt actually draw blood from me.



however, the most shocking outcome wasnt the fear, that is of course natural. it was the desire i had felt from it. the loathing of him was there. but they had taken away one of the few things my husband i held intimate and that was the biting ang sucking that i had loved so much and since they had touched me, he (my husband) wont touch me like that anymore.



i dont know what was more terrifying. him attacking me like he did or the desire i had felt from it. or was it the fact he knew i had felt it and was so blunt in telling me so. infact he told me it was his job to remind me of what i was missing, to show me my most deepest darkest secrets, hidden desires. it made me sick.



after that night he was there again the next night. i told him to keep his distance in which he did. he reminded me again he was only there to answer questions and to remind me of my most inner deepest darkest desires. he said it was harder for them to reach me in the outer world, so they would do it this way.



i had remembered a statement he said to the other two about not draining me in this realm like they do when they were near me. so i asked him about it. he said he did take energy from me, but not at the level the other two did and since DH still hadnt figured out how to retrieve his gifts i had banished, he couldnt either. i told him if i believed in hell, they could all rot in it.



i did not miss being tormented by DH and I hope he never figures out how to retrieve what i took from him, but i know AH will tell him eventually. it sucks but he will. family loyalty and all.



but nights have gone by and we talked about the same ole same ole. he hasnt attacked me since. in fact before i go to sleep, i try to creat my own world to go to. hoping one day i wont end up in one of theirs. i never thought it would happen, but it did. i of course didnt take me there. AH did.



Im not even sure im the one who actually made it. its everything i imagined over time. i can manipulate it, i can even kick AH out whenever i want. he keeps coming back, damn it. but it seems to be mine. i go there most of the time now. im not alone, but its better than their woods or AHs cave.



I was really sick over the weekend of the 6th. i was hoping being that sick and weak, theyd leave me alone. At first, AH didnt. he said he was just checking on me. he sensed something was seriously wrong. when he found out what it was, i was left alone for a day after that. oh yeah, a whole day. he offered to help heal me, but i refused. he said he also knew i would refuse, but he would never stop hoping i would come to them, just as he would nver stop hoping i would use the gift he gave me.



every night i end up in what i refer to now as my woods with my river and cave and fields of whatever i want in them. he is always there, waiting. i still think he brings me there, knowing im going to kick him out just so he can return later and it starts all over again.



i wouldnt believe any of this to be true, accept the last time i saw him in this plane, he actually told me as he walked past, "See you tonight." and smiled at me. my jaw dropped. i had always hoped at some level that this was realy all just a dream and nothing more. funny how i keep hoping that and it never is.



i told him i didnt care about DH and if

well, i was in the wods again, i didnt expect anything different. i knew i'd end up there. i even expected DH 2 be there. i expected him 2 b the jerk he usually is, and he didn't disappoint. he had his mentor, or leader or whatever u want 2 call him w/him.



he wanted him 2 c that AH had marked me. he tried 2 come near me, but i told him if he came near me, banishing him woud b the least of his worries. this seemed 2 only amuse the other 1.



but it didn't need 2 go any further. AH showed up then, he admitted 2 marking me. whatever hat is supposed 2 really mean.



when DH asked him why, he said he knew DH couldnt touch me, 4 now. that seemed 2 amuse him. he was quite cocky the whole time. he hd mentioned by doing this, i had been able 2 get sum rest, and how it had helped me. he also mentioned that none of them had done anything useful 4 me, it was about time 1 of them did.



the 1 i dont kno his name at all, said he had done nothing 2 me, AH brought up the fact that I wasn't stupid and knew he had been draining me in this realm. he also brought up the fact that when i was w/him, AH, i was no where near exhausted in the morning like i was w/either of the other 2. i had 2 think about that. but he was rite. i didn't comment. i just stood there and listened. i'm no friend of any of them.



Dh was angry though. he said i shouldnt have been marked. AH had no rite. The other one just sat there and lisrened mostly, said nothing really.



in my experience, if u are a leader, dont u question what 1 does? especially if there is a problem? or 1 does sumthing that mayb they shouldnt have?



but as my husband pointed out his morning, it was AH who made 1st initial contact w/me. he was't the 1st to attack me, just the 1st to touch me, but then, he wasnt the 1st to attach them 2 me, that was sum1 else altogether. @ least i think. i was so tired that nite, i don't remember. i fell asleep in the bar. my husbands band was playing that nite and there was live bands. i didn't drink that nite, it was snowing like u wouldn't believe, we had drove all the way 2 detriot and still had 2 drive all the way back home. what should have been a three hour drive took five. it was insane.



there was no way i shoud have fallen asleep. we thought i was just overly tired, now we kno different.



but my husband thinks it mite b a claim thing. 1 is trying 2 stake his claim. but if thats the case, DH would have more claim over me, we share the same bloodline. not that i would let that happen. but if u think along those lines, that would be the case. AH is just, well he's just... anyway. he has no claim in that respect.



if you go by after they started taking energy from me and go by physical contact, then yes, AH would b the one who would have rites. if u go by attacks, it would b DH. he by far would b the 1. if u go by aggression, AH.



either way, neither r going 2 get that chance. i'm not even sure thats what they're trying 2 do. they said they want 2 bring their family back 2gether and i'm family, so there should b no claim there. i'm not family either. the can show me anything they want, i have a family, it doesn't include them.



it was nice to c DH on edge and 2 c AH all cocky. however i kno them both. all 2 well. they switch off. 1 is nice while the other is a total jerk. guess who's turn it is 2 b which.



the've got sumthing up their sleeve, i just dont kno what yet. i'm sure they'll make it known soon enough. and whatever it is, it wil appear nice @ first, but then t will b mean and nasty.



AH did tell DH he knew how 2 pull their energies from the Earth. when DH asked him why he hadnt done it yet? He said sum of them didn't need it like others. again he was cocky about it. I was amused 2 say the least. DH wasnt. I still dont wish them luck w/this. he may kno how, but their energy is scattered. he's also gonna have 2 ask Mother Earth 4 it back. I gave it 2 her as a gift. 4 healing. they dont need it and she does. i figured she could put it 2 better us than they were.

i'm not sure what 2 expect. i found out that 1 of our new hiries is 1 of them. no surprise there. i kinda figured that out when she was riding w/me and we were talking about what i was supposed 2 b doing this coming weekend. this was about a month ago.



but when she started telling me bout my life, little things like my husbands band, him being a drummer, yes u can get that off the net, but u cant get the fact that practice is held @ my house, or the fact that i'm a fan of lykins, or that we're all really close. or othe things. thngs that aren't common knowledge. so i started putting 2 +2 2gether. she's nice, i actually like her.



the mistake i made w/her was admitting 2 her i was going 2 c lykin@ the redrum this weekend. now the show is cancelled. the redrum has mysteriously lost all information pertaining 2 the bands playing this weekend. ths wouldn't b the first time sumthing like that has happened when i've tried 2 c lykin play.



we lost power in asyria when my husbands band played with them. we cheated and all got 2gether @ their band house instead that nite. i had been warned not 2 go 2 that show. i have a feeling they aren't a fan of lykins. that or they just like making my life a livin hell. thats ok, i fixed it this time 2. i will move the heavens if i have 2.



but thats not all thats got me. i ended up in the astro projection last nite again, ony it was with DH. he is not happy w/me. don't care. the feeling is so mutual. he tried 2 persuade me 2 help him end my banishing. not. he will have 2 kill me 1st. he just mite actually.



he grabbed me and found AH had left a mark on me from days ago. i had had days of blissful sleep. gee that was nice. that made him even more grumpy. oh well. anything 2 make him miserable. not that i like either of them. but if i can make either of them miserable, i'm for it.



but i didn't expect him 2 come down here 2day. he lives around here, but not here. he hates small towns. he calls the town and the towns around me, hick towns. says he doesn't understand how i can live in a place like this when the cities r so much better. i like here i live. its quiet + peaceful. its not so small, we do have a serious crime rate. but its small enough where u kno half the town.



anyway, he found the mark when he grabbed me in the plane, he didn't lie it. he was... angry, said AH was going 2 pay 4 it. AH said he was just giving sum of the energy back they took from me. now did i actually trust him? NO. I'm not retarded. i know with them there is always sumthing more 2 it.



but as i said, i didn't think DH would come down here 2day. why would he. he cant do half the things he used 2 b able to and since then, he quit messing w/me. but he showed up.



just as he did in the astroprojection, he grabbed me and pulled up the sleeve to my coat. the problem with that, you cant c the flowers drawn on me. or @ least i cant. but he made them appear. it was faint. but hell, they were there. i couldn't believe it. i tried 2 show my husband i cant tell you how many times. it never worked for me.



now i have a bruised wrist where he grabbed and squeezed the inside of my inner wrist. i'll b damned if i can make it appear like he did. must b another 1 of their stupid tricks.



he said he had to check 2 c if it really existed or if it was a glamour created by AH. it exists. ASSHOLE!!!!!!! Goddess i hate him. he came all the way down here just 2 check on that. he could have just stayed in what ever whole he crawled out of.



now i'm curious 2 c if i will sleep peacefully again or which 1 of the three i'll c 2nite. i really need 2 find time 2 get that onyx out of that pouch. but work rite now is relentless with all of our playoffs and such. children an homework. children always come first. nothing else matters. the world doesn't move w/out them in it.

i have a trip 2 pennfield 2morrow. its going 2 b a long day + nite 4 me. starting work @ 6:30 in the morning + then ending somewhere around 11 or midnite. then starting all over again th next morning.



its not like i ont have any breaks, i do. after my morning run, about 9, and then after i drop the kiddies off, i just have 2 wait for them to get done playing. thats when the money actually comes in. is while i'm sitting there waiting and driving. not during my morning breaks.



i like the pay personally, + the fact i get paid whether i watch the kids play, or i read, write, listen 2 music or sleep while waiting 4 them. now who in theirrite mind wouldn't love that job? i don't kno a single person who doesn't, unless the cant handle kids on a normal basis.



but thats not why i'm writing. my husband is concerned. he doesn't want me there by myself. i wont b, i have a school full of people there. but he doesn't c it that way. we kno some of the creatants r around there, dont kno where 4 sure, but we kno they're there.



we kno this b cuz of what happened when his band played in asyria. the next little hick town over. i was warned not 2 go when they went 2 play. of course i didn't listen. my husbands band was playing, so was another band we kno was playing 2. i had 2 go.



needless 2 say, some of them showed up, the power went out and it just wasn't a happy moment.



he's afraid me being that close to asyria again will leave me wide open 2 them. i tried 2 reassure him i would b fine. he knows the bus locks from the inside. i even called sum friends, but their busy.



it also doesn't help that they seem 2 kno every move i make. i'm almost 2 the point i don't care anymore. he says i don't take them serious enough, i say he takes them 2 serious. he drives me crazier than they do sometimes.



like i said, i'm not worried. i will b on a bus that locks from the inside. all exit points. unless they can crawl thru a window my own grade schoolers can barely fit thru, then let them try.



i am more worried about getting sleep @ this point between the trip, them being in my dreams and taking me 2 the astroplane, on dream walks + draining me while their doing it then i am them showing up. i honestly think they're enjoying that more then terrorising me physically anymore.



we still c them, don't get me wrong. they make their presence known. but its more subtle. i like it better that way.

last nite was the first good niets sleep i had gotten in such a long time. no 1 took me anywhere, nor do i remember a thing.



its been so long since anything like thats happened. its usually the same ole same ole. i end up in the woods w/ that 1 asshole and he just wants 2 talk. sometimes his friend is there. 1 of the 1s who has attacked me and he wants 2 kno what i've done 2 his gifts. ha, i'll never tell.



or more recently, i end up in a cave w/him. he tells me how he understands why i did what i did 2 them, they shouldnt have came @ me like they did. he also tells me howwe're really no different. ha, i beg 2 differ.



i dont attack others, i dont harm others and i certainly dont follow others around. i also dont drain them while their sleeping making them worse off then when they went 2 bed in the first place.



i'm pretty sure my blissful nites sleep is short lived. it will only b last nite and last nite only. they've allowed a peaceful nite b 4. i hate them. i hate everything about them. if only i could figure out a way 2 turn it around on them 4 a change. but i screwed that up 2.



the 1 i was closest 2, the 1 whom i was most connected 2, we could share thoughts and feelings. thanks 2 his first initial visits. his inspiring and a few other things. but when i binded him, well that ended me being able 2 send things back @ him. the good point 2 that was it stopped him from sending things 2 me.



i guess there r good points 2 everything as well as bad. @ least i dont c him in the astroplanes. mayb i pissed him off royally. 1 can hope. however the other 1 i c that takes me 2 the cave was the 1 i feared the most.



the 1 that takes me 2 the woods, i had never met him until i binded a few of his friends, then he had the gumshin 2 ask me if that was necesary. shit yes it was. if only they did 2 him what they had been doing 2 me awake and asleep.



it still hasn't really stopped, just changed. i'm not as drained in the mornings as i used 2 b. and some of them don't come near me like they used 2. they just make their presence known.



they tell me my job is demeaning but perfect 4 what i am. i work w/children. they say childrens energy is the purest form. they say whether i believe it or not, i feed off of them. thats why the children and i get along so well. they say thats also why they feed off of me. the access amount of energy i get from the children. i'm like a lightning rod. ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i sumtimes forget u don't have to say things, just mere thoughts can provoke the gods. when i said i wasn't going 2 let nothin rain on my parade, boy was i wrong, i thought it, so there for it happened. my husbands band couldn't put on their show, it was cancelled. the things i normally do 2nite, aren't going 2 happen, @ least not in the way they normally do. my husband is way over protective becuz of certain creatants who have entered our lives. sumtimes i'm even surprised i even get 2 leave the house w/out him bcuz of the attacks though they have lessoned. the police r no help. apparently there is nothing wrong w/ leaving messages on my vehicle, or at my door or on my work vehicle, or giving me flowers or breaking into my house. we could have it all finger printed, but we have to pay for it. Assholes!!!!!!!!! i swear they're in on it. just like when they attacked me, the police said we could do dna testing, but we had 2 pay 4 that 2. again, assholes!!!!!!!!!! maybe thats what i get 4 living in a small town, who knows.

so now i'm stuck only being able 2 go back and forth 2 work, the grocery store and a few places i might sneak off to. otherwise i have 2 have a babysitter. my husband, a friend or 1 of the children. only bcuz they seem 2 b cowards and wait till i'm alone 2 come near me.

i hope this ends soon or i'm going 2 go nuts. i can't stay pinned up like this. i feel like a caged animal. 1 thing i have 2 have is my freedom and thats the 1 thing i don't seem 2 have anymore. if i wasn't such a nice pagan, i would wish death on them.

i already binded a few of them, now they cant enter my thoughts like they used 2, or inspire me, that was a great deal of fun. now however sum of them have resorted to making me astroplane and dream walk w/them. draining energy from me that way. its still better than what they used 2 do. now i just have to learn how to reverse it. i did it on the ones i binded, they got 2 close to me, the new ones, are smarter, they keep their distance. @ least these 1s haven't tried taken blood from me yet.