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I had this one a few nights ago but it was so vivid I needed to write it down somewhere...



I was security guard, or a cop or something... (Me, a cop? HA!) Anyways, I met someone... she was beautiful, but not in a pop culture kinda way.. she was beautiful to me. Kinda rounded, big, dark eyes, and a haunting smile. She was also well off.



Anyways, something happened, and I was injured in saving her. I was shot in the foot. While I was in the hospital, I had a premonition of she would hate me afterwards for getting in the way.. or something. Like I shoved her down so that she wasn't in the line of fire.



This fear of her hating me was so intense, I didn't see her again.. for months.



She eventually seeked me out. I was living in a studio apartment, collecting disability or something. Living off of microwave dinners and what not. The foot wrap was off, but I couldn't really walk.. the shot caused nerve damage, so when I put enough weight on my foot to walk blinding pain shot up my leg.



When I saw her I broke down and started crying. I told her I didn't want her to see me... when she asked why I told her because I just knew that she would grow to hate me. The pain of her hating me would be more than the pain of my walking.



She came further into the apartment and it turned out she herself was in a wheelchair. Something I didn't quite understand happened and she ended up an amputee.



My head ended up in her lap and I just cried and cried.. Partly in relief of the way she looked at me.. with understanding and not hatred... and partly from my being so pathetic and believing she would hate me so.. she ran her hand along my head and made shushing sounds at me.



It turned out even though I was a lowly grunt/cop, she had an interest in me, but was shy and didn't want to say anything. After I took the bullet something happened to her medically and after the amputation, she didn't give a damn what her parents or anyone else might think and sought me out.



We fell in love with eachother.. having wheel chair races and other odd romantic excursions. We were married, and she got a prothestic leg. We still couldn't really have any romantic strolls with my needing crutches or at least a reinforced cane to hobble along with.. but we were immensly happy being together.



Then one day we went to a circus? county fair? skeeball was present, I remember that. Her limb was bothering her, so she was back in a wheelchair.. then we got seperated. It was like I could hear her voice just around the corner, but I never found her... A sense of panic overcame me so bad that I woke up from it..



...And this dream has haunted me for the last several days.

I wrote my housemate a post dated check.. I suppose it didn't enter his mind that maybe he should wait till that date to deposite it.



I went into the bank today to discuss the post dated check being cashed. Apparently it's illegal for me to post date a check and a bank will accept the check regardless of what date is fucking written on it. What's the fucking point then? Why do they even have a date slot?



So of course the bank cashes the check I didn't have enough money for before it cashed the one I did have enough money for, so I have 2 overdraft fees I have to deal with.



After depositing my paycheck, my account is still in the red...

So I wanted corn dogs today.. I don't know why, I just did. So after abating that craving, I ended up passing out for four and a half hours. When I woke up, I realised I was late to take my meds... rush to the bathroom and... My eye is less bloodshot.



I mean, my eye still doesn't look anywhere near normal.. it just looks pink instead of bright red zombie eye. Brains! I need brains!... er.. never mind.



The bf has complimented me several times today about "looking good" because through being sick this last week I've lost like seven pounds. I can't help but feel a mixed reaction from this.. every time he said it, I thought he meant I was "looking good" as though I looked like I'm finially getting better.. not from having lost weight. As for the weight thing, thanks for noticing.. but I'd rather loose it through another measure, ya know?



I had asked for today off so I could go to a baby shower. I got asked today to not show up at said baby shower.. at least I got one mean germ killing nap out of it, I suppose.

So.. apparently the coven I'm in is dissolving. I'm not that suprised. Once my current coven master and a LBO house master are on I'll be in LBO again.



.. Still sick, but I've gotten lots of medicine, so I'm feeling better at least.

I feel a lot better this morning, after sleeping once again for over 12 hours. I was my own little space heater last night. I'm not sure if the fever has broke or if I'm just not as hot as I was.



I still have this headache from hell and haven't eaten in like 24 hours. I kind of want to eat something, but am also kind of afraid to. I figure I'll just wait till I actually feel hungry.

I got sent home because I got sick at work... which means with my car trouble yesterday and the whole loosing my wallet, I'm gonna be totally broke for awhile.