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I need to stop hiding what I am all the time, and accept that I cant always be who I am in the dayside...I need to embrace a bit of my darkness and be my actual self. its not that I wont enjoy it, it just scares me, vamyres always have and here I am, I am one myself! its not horrible, I just hate the thirst and the never ending pulls from all directions. I will be my dark self and no one wil stop me :)

turns out I might not be moving, I just dont like change I think, which could become a problem eventually but I dont really care right now...I have some shit to think about...later guys

well my chew toy found out I was gonna move away and I didnt deny it...why lie ya know? but now he and I broke up ( which really doesnt bother me) but I have to move, I guess I will be moving in with my best friend amista, she has an extra room in her basement that my cat and I could use and it could be like my oun lil apartment and all i have to do is help pay the bills when I can so its a good deal for me, the only problem is that I dont have my liscence so I have to get rides to work yet again blah but idk

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MorbidAngels15
15:23 Feb 25 2009

im sorry about your break up hun *hugs* hope the move goes well for you tho :)

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today feels like it is taking forever already but I got a new tattoo lol its a gargoyle but the whole peice isnt done yet! its gonna take up my whole arm but I love it, it looks bitchin lol I was up pretty late last night talking to friends but it was worth it lol thats about all I have for right now later guys

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MorbidAngels15
16:31 Feb 20 2009

your tat going to look awsome huni :)

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ladySnowStrixx
18:25 Feb 20 2009

doesn't it hurt?

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newlyawaken
14:12 Feb 22 2009

im not gonna lie it does hurt but once it is done and you see it, its worth all the pain and I would go threw that a million times for what this tattoo represents!!

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my tattoo is scabbed and I want a new one soon. I already know one I want to get really bad but I might wait to get that one cuz its kinda big and we need to buy printer ink to print it out anyway but theres this one I want, its a sword stabbing a rose and the rose is bleeding and the big one I wanna get will be on the back of my leg!! the rose one will be on the outside of my leg, I love tattoos :) I dont have to work tommorrow so I am happy and I get paid today so that makes me even more happy plus I got to talk to someone alot today and I miss them already..:( but ill be alright lol

today I have nothing to do at all but work at 4 blah I am getting so tired of my coworkers! there are few that I actually like but Ill be ok just bourd with my life! I need to change somethings

I woke up way earlier than I wanted to, and I have no plans this year which is weird for me because usually Id have put flowers all over the place and be all valentined up, I guess I have to much stuff going on to focus on crap like that right now, I have to find an online collage to attend cuz I really dont want to be around the same ppl for another four years blah, I was thinking either the university of phinix or virgina they are very good schools and are accredited so maybe I dunno, I still have to figure out how I am going to pay for it working only part time...its weird...I dont even know if I wanna go on to more schooling, but I dont want to be trapped at dead end jobs my whole life, maybe Ill put it off for a few years and get my life together first. I am ranting because I dont really have anyone to talk to right now, damiens asleep and even when hes not he doesnt wanna talk about things that really matter, just video games and tattoos and music, thats his whole life oh and I forgot torturing me haha. well thats all Ive got for right now that I can actually post the rest is really private

my tattoo hurts like hell

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ladySnowStrixx
18:52 Feb 13 2009

why would you want a tattoo? you,re too pretty for that and think what it will look like at 70 years old .

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newlyawaken
18:47 Feb 16 2009

I like tattoos that symbolize something special to me, I would never get anything I would regret! promise lol and bsides I put them places where they cant be seen so noone can see them when I am 70 lol but thanx for the comment

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last night my human gave me a tattoo, right in between the sholder blades and it hurt like hell!!! It was worth it though, I have been trying to figure things out about myself before it was to late for sertain things, and according to my preminitions, I will be pregnant soon wheather its by my human or someone else, doesnt matter, I will be a mom soon...kinda scary but welcome regardless! I dont know if I wanna go to collage yet or not, if I do I wanna go online so I can take care of things and still go to school, if it wernt for my job I would be somewhere else right now!

lol I woke up this morning still a little bit tired! but thats fine:) well I graduated early from my high school and I guess I am still going to the dances although I dont see the piont lol I didnt fit in there at all, but I am going to find someone other than damien( my human) to take me because I am embarrassed to be seen with him, he doesnt take care of himself and he makes a big deal outta everything and it makes me so mad lol I have almost completely forgotten about the high school HA now that I think of it I have to take them some paper work..after i walk with my class I am probably going to go somewhere far away! I dont know where yet but I will soon enough, Ill go where my heart takes me!! I might go see my moms mom in west virgina idk yet :) I miss my grandma...the one who passed down to me what I am now..shed be so happy with me but I know she is watching over me from heaven, she was to good a person to go to hell!

I either have to start fighting back or give up and I am not sure what to do anymore, what I am has caused many problems for me, has made me hate myself many of times, and I am tired of it!!! I dont want sympathy, I dont want anything, I want to be alone forever, that would make me happy, to be alone...fuck it

I woke up a happy women today, I dont know why but I just did and thats the best way to start your day! :) I have the day off today and have been permitted more hours at work, getting my cell reactivated soon ummm I dont have much to say but I am happy so I want to talk lol OHHH I think I found an apartment! its close to work and the rent is kinda low, the place could use some fixing up but I can handle that myself ( my step dad had me help build my parents place) but its still a start at my oun private place lol ummmm suprisingly there is no drama for me right now, my human is still gross and retarted but that will never change lol When/If I move into my oun place he wont be coming with me because he doesnt work or anything and I will not take care of him lol I know its kinda mean but I dont love him, I will only take care of ppl I love and that love and respect me as well lol...I had a preminition last night ( this could be why I am sooo happy lol) and I cant wait to tell someone what it was about lol they will be happy, I have decided to go to collage online so I can still work and stuff besides its cheaper and faster..thats about all I have for today

wow today is going to be a busy day and I am trapped at friggen captain Ds lol I guess I should be greatful I have a job to go to huh? and its sunday so alot of ppl from churchs and stuff will be there..every sunday I have ppl tell me "god bless you child" and shit like that, I want to look at them and say : look I am not a child and it offends me when you say things like that" but I will get fired if I do that haha so I am stuck, I dont mean to complain but I cant go into work aggervated or it just wont be a very good day lol I am sure that I will be fine, I havent been able to get someone off my mind at all here lately and its kinda distracting but I love being distracted lol well thats about all I have to say for today

I have the day off of work and I am gonna be LAZY for once lol, I wanna go on a damn road trip or something, I hate this town but I will live...I plan on buying a plane ticket or something soon where I am gonna go idk cuz I have a job I cant go far, Idk I might just go visit my aunt for a weekend or something

IF ONE MORE FRIGGEN PERSON SAYS THEY LOVE ME THEY ARE GETTING BLOCKED

I am getting so agrevated lol

so my birthday is next month, and I am not excited because everyone I REALLY care about is far away in other states or towns...i was actually thinking of buying myself plane tickets to leave town for a while but idk where to go lol

and I would prolly have an annoying tag alone so idk lol

I was looking on youtube for shit that would make my crack up and this is what I found HAHAHA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dv0FvVlLvjc&feature=PlayList&p=5E66F927236C65A0&playnext=1&index=9



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUU2k86Z6Gg



they are so damn funny you have to watch!!!!

I woke in the middle of the night, unable to move, unable to release my sheild...I couldnt see who it was but it was suchan awful smell and an overwhelming urge to fight came about me...I felt like I hade to run to others like me and tell them, but no one is near. I tried tto pull anyone I could but I felt like I was only disturbing them....oh and after I could move I found clumps of pitch black hair on the floor and it had that awful smell...I am afraid....i am still such a young vampire of only 4 years....and I dont know how to properly protect myself and there is still so much of this new world I dont understand....

I feel as if I found what I have been looking for for so long and now I cant be close and the pain of my desire is enough to break even me in half...I dont know why I am posting this, I guess I just need to get some of this off my chest...the pain hurts so bad...my neck is burning and pulse is racing....idk what to do

I dont understand at all, my b/f is such an asshole, if he doesnt wanna be with a vampire then he needs to kick me out! He would be doing me a favor by doing so, I dont wanna be with that stupid human...but he will have to do for now. I havent fed in a few days and its getting hard to control myself but I am trying not to feed daily because it becomes a pain in my neck( or someone elses) lol not really I am wanting to wait until I can see someone....idk but its getting hard to deal with.

I feel like I dont belong anywhere I go...I dont feel welcome at home, or at my mothers house...or at work, always the sore thumb, it drives me crazy and I feel like the only way I will belong anywhere if I am surrounded by fellow vampires...but the ones I know and trust are all so far a away...idk

I have about 4 hours of sleep and I am hoped up on blood and caffeene befor I go to work haha my boyfriend and I almost broke up last night, cuz he has disappointed me alot. I am the kind of girl that expects who shes with to pull their oun weight...so we were up until 4:30 fighting ( yay fun) iak why but he could hurt me a million times and I would still care for him, IDK if thats bad or what lol is it bad when slipknot puts you to sleep? I have always been that way and I really dont understand it , idk I cant think straight right now, I just messaged a friend and I dont even remember what I wrote lol THATS bad!!! I am kinda scared now lol