The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I sit here

Surrounded by friends

Still I feel alone



Alone in my thoughts

Alone in my ideas

.....Alone



Nothing can change this

No one can help me

Nothing can stop this feeling



Feeling worthless

Feeling empty

Feeling....nothing



These thoughts are consuming

Surrounded by darkness

Inside my head



My head spins

My head races

My head.....stops



Focusing on death

I feel joy

I feel.....relief



Relief in the fact

That it will all be over soon

As death reaches out to me



Knife in hand

Knife to wrist

Knife......cutting



The wound is deep

Blood flows red

Covering the floor



The floor stained

The floor soaked

The floor....embraces me



Slowly bleeding

Losing consiousness

Fading away



Away into nothing

Away into a new beginning

Away into.....life



Ryan Perry

8/27/2010

COMMENTS

-

---

therealthing
19:52 Aug 27 2010

Don't spend so much time thinking about what you don't have. That can lead to depression. And that doesn't mean that you forget about wanting the object of your desire. It means you balance wanting it, with making active measures to contribute to your chances of success in obtaining it, with finding other things to do while you wait in between.



Western society has destroyed respect, morals, standards, loyalty, altruism, and honor. So, of course there will be an overabundance of dysfunctional humans.



Also, love isn't everything. Love is an emotion among a wide variety of emotions that humans experience. The trick is not to let your emotions make decisions for you. Don't think with your hips, or your head, or your heart, but your spirit; that gut feeling at the core of your being. You have emotions, just don't make decisions with them. For example, you shouldn't make decisions when you are angry because you always feel differently when you come down from your mad fog.



So, yes most people want love and to be loved. However, there are so many other things that are just as worthy of your attention. You can be doing them while you look for the man you are compatible with. Take your time, because it is better to be alone than to be with someone that makes you miserable.

................................................

Now for the subject of loneliness :

Being alone and feeling lonely are two different things.

Being alone means that you are apart from others; solitary; being without anyone or anything else. And even though you might think you are alone,

truly you never are alone.

Because being alone in this realm is IMPOSSIBLE. Just the fact that you are a walking universe for millions of microbes proves that you are not alone. Plus, with your mind, body and spirit you have three of you right there.

..................................



Being lonely is a feeling you get. You get it when you don't feel intimacy with others, and you are craving it. And that intimacy isn't necessarily sexual either.

And these feelings of loneliness are yours to have control over. They are your feelings.



One can feel lonely in a crowded room of people. But you certainly aren't alone, that is for sure. So, don't choose to feel lonely the next time you find yourself alone dwelling on thoughts that lead to bitterness.



You can choose whatever reaction you like to any stimulus. The choice is yours. You are in charge of your thinking and no one else. In todays society people don't take responsibility seriously, or respect, among a lot of other things. No matter what life throws at you, you choose how to respond.





Be comfortable with who you are, and you won't mind being alone.

---

POST COMMENT

I sit in this darkened room

Waiting for something I cannot know

Here in this tomb

My face I cannot show



Looking up at the cieling

I wait for a sign

My head swirling

I tence my spine



I stand and walk

Where to I cannot say

Grinding my teeth to chalk

I kneel to pray



I stop and wait

For an answer

I begin to debate

Trying to fight the cancer



The cancer that has seeped

Into my mind

Mind still steeped

In thoughts that bind



Bind in blood

So I raise the gun

Next bang....thud

I lay dead under the sun



Ryan Perry

8/25/2010

COMMENTS

-

---

dragonspawn
22:08 Aug 25 2010

hey these are good bro thanks for sharing

---

POST COMMENT

I sit and wait

Wait for what



What I wait for

I cannot know



Cannot know much

About anything



About anything I see

With these blinders on me



These blinders blind

My eyes of sight



Eyes of sight

That do not see



Do not see

What you want them to



Want them to see love

Blinded by the hate



By the hate

Of my childhood



My childhood of critics

And ignorant competition



Ignorant competition of sports

Of grades and intelect



Intelect you do not have

That's why you compete



You compete with me

To make you feel smart



To make you feel smart

I cannot do



I cannot do

Anything for you



For you all I'll do

Is take this knife



Take this knife

To my wrist



To my wrist

To let the blood flow



Blood flow red

From my viens



My viens

That bleed for you



For you

This is all I'll do



Ryan Perry

8/23/2010

Eyes Open, Life Ending





Eyes open

But still I dream



Mind wandering

But still I am focused



Voices shouting

But still I hear no words



Heart aching

But still I say I am happy



Lungs breathing

But still I am out of breath



Body moving

But still I am numb



Soul dieing

But still I fight to stay alive



Life ending

But still I feel content



Ryan Perry

4-19-02

Love



The fear flows over me like a rageing river. It floods my senses with the murky waters of deception; twisting my mind until it finally snaps. I cannot say where it comes from or why it is here. The origins of my fear are like a well kept secret that only God knows.

God, our father, or so they say. How can a true father let his son suffer through the overwhelming terrors of life? His face eludes me, as does death. A just God would let death’s sweet sorrow take me somewhere else. To nothing, or to a new life without all the fear.

Death, I yearn for her sweet touch. I wish she would let me inside her. So deep inside that even my fear can’t reach me. So deep that even God can’t find me. Just the thought of the sweet romance of my one true love turns me on. I want her. I need her. I love her.



Ryan L. Perry

8/28/06

Suicidal Tendencies



I dream of death as if it were a gift

Handed down from God himself

A beautiful escape into nothing

Where no one can hurt me

My heart can’t get broken



I want death to happen

Happen like a romantic deflowering

So sweet and so innocent

I shut my eyes and see the blood on my wrists

I awake and I feel its warmth



Death flows black from my veins

It hit’s the floor and stains

A permanent reminder to those left behind

It feels so good to finally be free

Free of this life that terrifies me



Ryan L. Perry

8/18/06

Life Without You





There are these thoughts in the back of my mind

A perfect place to keep them I cannot find

I try so hard to lock them away

For it is my happiness that they slay

Sometimes they break free

And that is when I see

Me

And only Me

You are not there

And so my life is bare

I sit and cry

As I try

To understand why I am on my own

Yes, why I am truly alone

Then people are everywhere

But still it is like no one is there

They try to comfort me

And fill my life with glee

They all refuse to see

That nothing really maters to me

Except these memories of time with you

And all the fun things we used to do

Then they all disappear

And I find myself within a sphere

As I sit within the never-ending black

The full force of my loneliness comes rushing back

Within my hands I held it all

But then one day it began to fall

Now within my hands I hold my face

That is all that remains in that place

I sit and think of our time together

We managed to have fun even in bad weather

I search my memories trying to find

Answers and thoughts to ease my mind

Within my heart and mind there is much strife

Because I don’t know why you are not in my life

I tell myself that you’ll come back

And rescue me from this black

Slowly these thoughts return to their cell

Slowly they free me from this hell

Even when they are finally out of my head

I still feel as if I am dead

Then I remember that you are with me

And that fills my heart with glee

I can not put into words how much I love you

And I never want to think about life without you



Ryan Perry



11-14-01