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Tonight fucking ROCKED! It was just great! The music was awesome and the atmosphere and energy there were great too. I let loose again tonight and I actually relaxed and let go enough to dance! I know, I danced with that chic at the Lacuna Coil show but in all fairness I wasn't so much dancing as responding to her dancing. Tonight I was just dancing, by myself. It would have been nice if I'd been dancing with someone but the main thing here is that I was full on and truly dancing. Very few people will understand the significance of this for me. Then towards the end of the night I shot a game of pool, it was fun and it didn't take me too long to start getting back to my old game. I think if I'd played one or two more games right then I would have been fully back into my old game, I used to be good (this isn't compared to professionals who compete but to your average Joe player). Just straight up total frickin' awesomeness tonight! What a perfect way to begin the weekend.

So this week was a little long-ish. Work was ok but not great, I can't wait til the Ball tonight. I did have at least one interesting day though. I found out that the reason I'm not getting trained on any other stations is because my coworkers are scared and/or intimidated be me. I don't think I have to tell you how extremely amusing this was to me. This gave me a new perspective on some of the interaction I've had with a few of them. If only they saw me outside of work, especially if I was dressed the way I really want to, because if they think work me is scary and intimidating they wouldn't be able to handle casual me. This also makes me wonder how the random people I meet think of me, I've been told by people that know me that I'm scary or creepy and even more so when I laugh but I've always just shrugged it off.

So the Goth Ball has been decided upon. Sorry metal concert, you are sure to kick some major ass but as far as I can tell you just don't compete with the Ball that happens to start at the same time on the same night. I was on the fence still until I checked out the bands that will be there... Holy hell they're awesome! I can't wait! So I chose kick ass music still but it's kick ass music plus! I don't exactly know plus what but it's plus. It's a 21 and up event, it's sad (in both a slightly comical way and a pathetic 'wow he has no life' way) but I haven't been to a 21 and up event since I was 14 or 15. I can't remember which, it was back when my mother was a bartender. Anyway, this weekend promises to be another amazing one. It had better deliver on said promise too!

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GarterBelt
02:37 Oct 30 2009

I am made of envy. Who's playing?

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placidchaos
13:35 Oct 30 2009

Heh heh, A few local bands and one from Chicago. There's going to be Strap On Halo, DJ VU, Army of In Between, and Janus.

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*sigh* Just got out of the shower and popped 800mg ibuprofen and a cefuroxime (an antibiotic pill) and now I think I should remember to use my nasonex and go to bed. I still hate going to bed this early.



Up until tonight I kept thinking I hated these hours but I couldn't really say what hours I would like. I've thought it would be nice to have an afternoon job because then I have my nights and then I can sleep mornings. The only problem is that I'm probably not going to make even as much as I am now at a job that would give me those hours. Or I'd be working the afternoon shift at a hotel, which I don't want to do becauase the phone rings WAY too much on that shift and I HATE that. The main thing here is, these hours of the night that I'm sleeping are very much a part of who I am in a way. I hate sleeping through them and I don't want to. After talking with my good friend about this subject I realized that, even as much as I thought I wanted not to work it, I miss working as a Night Auditor. Now I'm debating whether I should go apply for a night audit position or if I should see about switching to the night shift where I currently work. It would be from 4p.m.-2:30a.m. That would give me a little bit after work each night to enjoy the night before going to bed and then I'd get up in the afternoon a few hours before work. That would still leave me with my 3 day weekends too. I don't know though.

Something that tends to get on my nerves is someone who can't respect personal space. There are a couple people where I work who have difficulty with this. They will start talking to you and slowly work their way closer to you until they are invading your space. To make it worse, if you back up they miss the hint and continue with the pattern... It drives me nuts. These same people are the kind who will say the same thing for half an hour in 15 different ways that they said satisfactorily in the first 30 seconds. I hate that.

Ugh. I so don't feel like going to work right now. I'm really starting to get tired of these hours. I feel like I'm being a whiner but I really just don't like going to work at this time of the morning and even though the 10 hour days were neat at first since I got a 3 day weekend, I don't like the way it feels like those 10 hours suck up almost all my time. It's amazing how much difference there is between 8 hours and 10.

You know, I was in really pessimistic mindset lately. Up until the concert I was in the mood to basically give up on having a social life or meeting anyone. After having so much fun there last night and just letting myself loose the way I did I feel different, like something inside of me changed just a little. I don't know what exactly but I just feel really good, better than I have in a long long time.

Holy Fucking Hell! I just got back from the most amazing fucking concert EVER! Taking Dawn, Maylene and the Sons of Disaster, and we can not forget Lacuna Coil! It was freaking incredible! I got to touch Christina and Andrea! I'm in total fucking groupie mode right now. Plus, I got PICS! I'll upload them when I get the chance. I got a couple of Taking Dawn, a few of Maylene and the Sons of Disaster and a bunch of Lacuna Coil. I am so freaking pumped, wired, and jazzed right now! Aghhhhh!



I tell you what, spiritual beliefs aside, MUSIC is my religion! I really just let loose and had a good time tonight, it was great and I feel great. I just really didn't give a shit who thought what of me, I did my thing and I was free. I got to dance (and sing) to Duality with this really cute girl with black hair between sets. No number from her though, she had a diamond ring on. It was just fo freaking great tonight. I haven't felt this amazing in a long time!

I don't know why but lately I've been in more of a mood for trance music. There's just something about it that I can't seem to get enough of right now and I like the somewhat peaceful sense I get when I focus on it.

Well it turns out to be nothing more than a strained rotator cuff. I'm supposed to go in for pt tomorrow morning and monday and I was given a high dose prescription for ibuprofen. Other than that I'm just not supposed to reach abover shoulder height and that's it.

Express wants me to go to their workman's comp doctor to have it checked. I was afraid of that. I don't think the injury is THAT serious but it's policy. I honestly think just taking some ibuprofen and letting it rest decently should be enough but I don't really have a say in the matter.

Damn it! I had to call in to work this morning. I seem to have strained my arm yesterday at work and now I'm having trouble lifting it over my head, I took some ibuprofen and some aspirin. Hopefully those'll do the trick. I was just going to go in a little late to let the pills kick in but the supervisor told me to wait and see what Express wants me to do... I hope they don't say I have to go to a doctor, they just might since it's technically a work related injury.

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Lolita
11:22 Oct 22 2009

I hope it feels better :) Work, it's a killer :P

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MorbidAngels15
14:00 Oct 22 2009

aww.....hope it feels better soon hun :)

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placidchaos
14:59 Oct 22 2009

It's not hurting as much now but it's still resistant to being lifted too high. Thank you both!

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So I'm trying again. I was just kind of dinkin' around on POF when I came across a profile that LITERALLY made me say "Wow" after reading it. She's into raves and is a Wiccan Priestess, plus she doesn't use chat speak. She lives a few hours away but I think that's workable if she's really as interesting as she seems.



Now it is time for me to shower, shave, and hit the hay. Ugh I hate having to get up so early in the morning for work, I don't like going to bed this early but it's necessary if I'm getting up that early. Fehhhhhh. I MUST find a job with better hours.

Wonderful! My lip is pierced, I'll put up a pic as soon as I can. As it is the time it takes just to load one page is so much that I have troubles just viewing VR but hopefully that'll be fixed soon.

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Lolita
07:22 Oct 18 2009

YAY looking forward to pic!!!

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The plan is to go get my lip re-pierced today! I'm soooo looking forward to it.

Grrrr, I don't really want to go to bed right now but I need to. I hate going to bed this early but it's necessary with as early as I get up to go to work. I REALLY HATE it. I'm a night owl and this is driving me insane! I think I need to search for a day job that starts later in the day or an evening job.

So, after talking with a friend of mine they recommended I do this, they said it helped them some.



This is to some various people that have been in my life:



Sometimes I think about you, once in a while I wonder what things would be like now had I known then what I do now.



You were my first love, my first kiss, and my first heartache. People say at that age people don't know what love is, that may be true but that doesn't mean they can't experience it. I remember telling you I would wait for you when I was 12 and you were moving, I was such a sap. The thing is, I did for a long time and I'd be lying if I said that wasn't part of the reason I waited as long as I did to lose my virginity. Sometimes I feel like part of me is still waiting and I wonder at times how you'd react if you knew.



I still miss you sometimes, I miss feeling the urge to smile at hearing your voice. It's probably a little stupid but I wish that I had gotten at least one chance to kiss you.



I often wish we could go back to those days, sitting around the lunch table at school and just hangin' out and having fun. I miss you guys and the way our group was, if I could find that out here in the real world I would be more happy than I can really explain.



You were a really good friend, to this day I think we'd have a freakin' blast if we hung out.

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Lolita
08:17 Oct 14 2009

What a great idea :)



I think I will try this!

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It's funny the things you don't notice until a random thought brings it to your attention. Like how someone who is normally around all the time hasn't been for a while and you just never noticed for some reason.

I need to even though I would rather not. Feh.

I'm so looking forward to the Saturday 2 weeks from now, I have a ticket to see Lacuna Coil! I can't wait!

I'm staying with my other aunts that live in the area. They helped me work out a budget and are going to help me save money so I can get myself properly set up. The stability will definitely be nice and yet I don't feel as hopeful as I know I should. I know things are going to get easier but there's a part of me that dreads that. I know it stems from my poor ability to cope with reality but I can't say much more than that, the closer I get to getting my life on track the more I want to escape from reality. It's strange.

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SinginGhost88
14:59 Oct 10 2009

I understand where you're coming from. It could also be from the fact that 'Stability' has never been a consistent in your life. When things seem to be 'normal' and easy you're just waiting for something to fuck it up. When this doesn't happen the stability makes you panic because you are anticipating something, so to ease the panic you create a disruption.

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placidchaos
23:29 Oct 10 2009

That sounds like me.

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