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Pain is all i know as i slowly die from the inside out. The cause is that the demon Illyria is taking over my body. Death is calling but I won't die completely all that will remain will be a shell that was once my body. I can feel the pain inside consume me. Pulling away my mortal soul. Others speak her name saying she is a godess. But I know there is a demon under all that beauty. Once Illyria takes over I will feel no pain. Owned by a godess with a beautiful name.

I am love's bitch I fell for you and your deadly venom. I heard what others said but I hoped it would be different for me. I wished for death but was given a new life. A life of eternity and confussion. That is what happenes when you become love's bitch.

You tel me to go but hands keep pulling me back. even though your eyes tell me messages as clear as the night sky. The chains wrapped around my cold dead heart. Not allowing me to bleed out. I have been hurt many times before by others. I wish I could walk around in total happiness forever. But I know O never can because i am cursed by who you have made me become. You knock me down but I get back up ready to take another blow. Because of you I will now and forever be Illyria. My old self is lost to the darkness forever trapped in a body without a soul.

You stare intop my icy blue eyesand see things you don't understand. I am a mystery to you and all of your kind. You look at my smile but search for a sign that is not there. Yet I aam still a mystery to you. You hear my voice and say I'm your godess. Trapped inside a borrowed body that is not my own. I'm not totaly a mystery I am me. If you touch my fleash I will not break under your fingers. Caress meand make me feel warm again. i am your flower make me bloom.

The bright beautiful color of your eyes my dear love are like crystal pools of ice water. I touch your flesh that is as cold as ice. I kiss your blue lips with great passion. Tonight you will come back to life andbackinto my arms. You will never leave me again my dear forever I promised to make you rise again and be mine. The blood from the living revived you from your long sleep. You've come back to me to continue where you left off. You are the god of life and death all in one. I beg of you my love as I bow before your beauty. Stay with me here forever I will protect you. I never want to lose sight of your beautiful blue eyes while you stare into mine.

I am frozen stuchk to where you left me in times long past. Not able to move forward or backward through the portals to find my way home. One kiss will thaw my frozen bones. One moment unfreeze my heart. I follow you through a portal to the end of the earth. But I am frozen to the ground that I stand upon. Surrounded by silence and darkness. I will be forever suspended in time. A monument to your eternal love.

My body cold and souless. How i wish I could walk in the daylight on the beaches hot sand. The sun gently tanning my body instead of burining it. And to have my dearest Lover/sire Darla close by my side. When will she return to me? Or will I be forever alone? In the cold lonely nights that i call my life.

You had destroyed my soul to make me unwhole. The image of me now takes over. Fear consumes me. I ran from myself ran from this unfimilar world. But I cannot escape. The darker side of me takes control and is killing me from the inside out. Will I ever be free? You can't save me now it's allready taken over. you look into my soul peircing eyes. The being that that overtook my body as I died. Death changes everything. The darker side of me has brought back my powers and will darken the brightest days. Now i know if I try to run I'll still never be free from the darker side of me.

I sit in silence my mind begins to drift. Thinking evil thoughts. All the evil that is me. Will i ever be who I use to be that time before you changed me? I wander for days trying to make sense of my new life. But I don't now where to start looking for the answers to my questions. Not becauseI want to but because of what you've done. My nerves are on fire tingling inside my new body. my urge to kill on high. Longing to hear thoes screams of pain once again. Look into my eyes What do you see? A loyal killer or the the that used to be me? Somewhere deep inside my empty body the old me lies in pain and broken and defeated by what i have become. I know what it means when people say if you kill the soul the body eventually dies only to be someone else. A silent scream escapes my cold lips. my silent scream was the haunting force that is the power of the new me. For everyone who will eventually see.

Evenings are hell the beginning of another day to come. In the day my mind drifts away. Into a suffering world of hurt and lies. Bring me back from here to times when i was truely happy.

The smell of death everywhere. Death has wiped out this caring world. destruction will have it's day. Nothing will stop it, no one will escape it. This world has met its end. just a matter of time now. Before its over and I regain control.

You sold my soul to something evil. My body no longer my own. Because of your obsession with me you took away all I hoped and dreamed of away from me for eternity. Am I only a beautiful body with a demented mind for you to experience your pleasures with? Only you thought about yourself when you did this to me not about what I wanted or felt. You say you love me but i cannot love you when I am taken already by the best most loving man ever. I only fear you the only thing you can;t take from me is my unbeating cold heart. You brok my soul and I will never get it back.Love will soon conqure thiss hell you caused me. But one day I will be complete again.

When you dissappear in time I will still walk beside you. Every step you take scrreaning and crying into your ear about everything . You haunt me like a ghost and make me see what I have done. I'll be with you if only I could be in my own body again. i would sleep in your bed and keep you warm on cold nights. Staring happily at you while you try to get some sleep. I want to let you know my presense will go where ever you go. Following every step you take , every move you make. I will keep whispering loving words into your ear and hope you keep my presence near you always and forever.

Maybe I wear gothic dresses amd biker boots. Maybe I don't like listining to modern music and I'm not very social. Maybe I don't care about the things that matter in your world. Maybe you look at me and think what is wrong with that ? Maybe I like laughing out loud wich seems to be rude by others standerds. Maybe I allow my creativity to run away with me. Maybe you don't understand me that is why you cannot see. If these things make me so wrong then thats ok with me.

Through dark nights and barbed wire a sad song plays in my mind. My vampire soul is lost many miles away. But oh so close. My desire longs for you. playing where my heart used to be. Looking for my lost lonely soul. Silent whispers heard only by me speak of passions and no more hiding. The moon tells me the others don't understand. As my body shivers in pain under yours. The touch of your hand terrified me. I will dream tonight in the realm of astral projection to find where i belong. We will meet again at sunset.

The time has come to say goodbye. To the love and happiness that I have known. But you did not suffer my mom told me and that you are no longer in pain. I always thought it would end differently in a peaceful way. But fate had other plans. It's been eight months sense you left me and all thoes that cared about you. And I still feel so alone even though we now have five new kittens to love. I watched you on good days and bad. You never let the bad days break your loving spirit. I keep hoping where ever you are now that your strenght is renewed. No one understands why I sit in the driveway to be close to you. I miss you and still and my wounded heart won't mend. I cry and try to make it through each day without you. I rember your love and the funny things you used to do. Letting go of you was the hardess thing for me. You were not just any cat but also my best friend. I feel if I let you go I won't be able to turn back time and i'm scared that i would forget you. I long for the day when i see you again full of life. What hurts me most is never knowing why or how you died. I hope one day my memories of you will lesson my pain.

Window panes crash down around me. I am surrounded by the pain and my tears. My hopes gone far away. Up through the twilight, shadows creep slowly across the floor. Shadows of my past. My thoughts trembling in my head. Trapped deep in my body without a soul. No more senses of reality only thoughts filled with craziness. Creatures lurking in the dimness. Everything lost in stillness. What is this I see is it real or is it just me?

I am overwhelmed by a thing I would never wish on anyone. But i am also feeling angry and destroyed from the inside out. Caused by an emotional pain I cannot bear. The physical pain will go away soon. But I am love's fool, love's bitch. But i only take it so I won't end up alone. I feel scared and devastated at the same time. All I can think of is the pain but my love conqures all that fear. What will save me from punishment is one hell of a good excuse.

I'm hurt

I'm lost

I don't know what to do

My life is a mess

I'm not perfect

You tell me different

But I don't believe it

I hurt

i cry

I never sleep

You say you love me

But if you only knew

That I'm broken

Here it is again. It always comes back to me no matterhow I want it to stop. Its there when I don't want it to be like a shadow in darkness that never dissappears. It brings the sensation of feeling everything and nothing all at the same time. to make my pain feel real. The act s my bodybut satisfy's my soul leaving slashes across my soft flesh and scars much too visable. But not enough.

I sat curled into myself. All alone in my dark room. No one seems to notice my feelings of self doubt. I continue to cry out in pain. I keep thinking of my failures and finding it hard to hold on. I rose from the floor and looked at my scars. The truth told of my internal pain.

Forever feel my life is dying. But everyone just keeps on lying. She will be fine just give her some time. but I wasn't ok. I felt like I wanted to take my life away. I couldn't keep running and i can't stand this immortal life anymore. My silent pleas for love left my heart cold and black. I'm in pain and my pride is slain. my crys fall on to deaf ears. Soon no one will realise all of my fears. No one saw my depressing change until my heart was out of range. I wrote letters saying things will get better. They loved me all well but left me alone alone in my personal hell.

I loved this boy

I loved him so

I can't believe

He let me go

He sat this upon his knee

He said he chose her instead of me

My mum came home late that night

She looked for me

But I was no where in sight

I rember every second of that afternoon. Each time i try to forget the pain and memory of that time is still there. I rember when you got on top of me and held me down and the way you put your hand over my mouth so I couldn't scream. The way no one came to rescue me, to make the intense pain stop. Now i live with that memory everyday of my life. living in constant fear that you will return to hurt me again. I am even more parinoid by what you did to me. I try to rember what people told me that it wasn't my fault. But still inside I keep thinking it was just because i trusted too much. How couldyou have done this to me? Why did you distroy my verry being/ How can you sleep at night knowing that I can't? I'm always in fear that it may happen again. How dare yourape me and tell my teacher you didn't and that I was willing. I hope you rot in hell for what you've done to me.How can I cope with what you did,? I can't. You destroyed me and I feel dead inside.