Short story- "Panic!!"03:45 Sep 28 2009
Times Read: 569
I was disintegrating. I lived in a sad despair. My misery was myself, convinced over and over that I was indeed poignant. We’re different I told myself. Hard to believe from an outsider’s view, I was completely serious. I needed to know that we were different. I needed to know that I wasn’t horribly mistaken by my head games and paranoia and trickery that only I know I am capable of. My heart pumped to an accelerated beating and my blood flooded through my weak wrists. There is a problem with my footsteps. They wander.
I walked the shiny, wet tar road. The fall leaves fell in a sopping, heavy plop on the ground wherever I walked. It was cold and gray and I could only feel my nose get icy. The rest of me was immune to the chilled breeze. After it rains, I take strolls through my town, down to anywhere my feet take me. I don’t even realize where I am going until I get there. I think too much.
Somehow, through my thoughts and strides, I ended up lying in my bed. I looked down at myself through images of what I only imagined of how I would look at that moment. I looked like a girl, frail, pale, and torn; a girl with frosted eyes, a bright and extremely light blue. My small pupils really made me look more demonic rather than beautiful or pretty or even normal. Not to mention, I had brown hair. Dark, with black lowlights that were awkward and natural and with touches of gold hidden in my length and thickness.
I wished he could see me now, as a wreck. I hated being this way, yet I loved it. I tried to make sense of my opposite feelings, colliding at the same force with each other in my confused head. If a positive plus a negative becomes something neutral, then shouldn’t I feel neutral too? Love and hate are too strong for logic. I was anything BUT neutral.
Don’t I deserve better than gut-wrenching pain? To be ripped apart on the inside by two extremely tough emotions is a very hard thing to handle.
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This is unfinished, but I hope it's off to a good start.
Right now I'm on my ambien, trying to sleep. I feel SO fucked up. Yay for perscribed drugness.
Fuck, XOXO
COMMENTS
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MasterMindedFate
06:47 Sep 29 2009
thats cool when i use to go to chool they use to have a volunteer program after school for that,i find that most jsut need a friend or someone to talk to.