snarkhunter is MIA
07:00 Jun 14 2006
Times Read: 557
Mood: Depressed. Lonely. Apathic. Sexually frustrated.
It has been a while...
So...my life...
Let us go through my life one mood at a time.
Depressed: I am finally at a stage in my life where everything should be going great. I have a wonderful boyfriend, a loving family, and a chance to make all my dreams come true. But everything is...strange. Mostly "depressed" is an overall term for the next moods to follow.
Lonely: Though my boyfriend makes me incredibly happy (in 4 days we will have been together for a whole year since we first said "I love you"), he does live on the opposite corner of the continent...*sigh*
And though I really do try, I have found it mear to impossible to actually spend time with people anymore. I hang out with them, and the moment they are gone, i feel more emotionally drained than before.
Apathic. I can't seem to care about anything anymore. For example, just tonight I passed my 5th Que (pronounced same as cue) which is he second level of aikido. What is really neat about this, is I have only been at it for a month and a half, so...yeah...and as you might have noticed by now, I can't muster the energy to be excited about it. Or for the other example, I went to prom again this year. I bought a dress (which is really a big deal seeing as how I haven't worn a dress in about 8 years...) and did my hair and makeup, and I feel as if it had never happened. I had a great time, but I ended up spending most of it alone. I danced until 4 AM...and I was alone for most of those dances...surrounded by couples kissing and holding hands :sadcloud:
Sexually frustrated: Pretty self explanatory. If has been three years since I have been with anyone else, and (sorry mike) I am on the verge of just throwing myself at the next decent looking guy who asks...well...not really...but it really is bad. I mean...for the first time in my life I feel comfortable with my body and my sensuality, and I have begun to notice a lot more about me. Like how I crave physical contact, and I get completely aroused at the slightest touch. Or how I love biting and scratching (gently though. I don't want my partner to feel a lot of pain). Or how my drummer buddy is an incredible salsa dancer (gentlemen. the way to a girls heart is through dancing. if you know how to dance, you can have us for as long as you want.) and my aikido sensei moves beautifully (when I look at him, I don't see a body. I see lines and shapes moving together. The line of his calf and the line of his torse intrigue me incredibly).
It doesn't help that. because I am the onl female at my job, I get hit on A LOT. It is ok, but I am having these gut clenching arousals in the middle of coffee break which are so absolutely painful. And I refuse to cheat on my boyfriend just because my twat won't stop acting up.
Yeah...anyways, now I am going to bed. I have to work tomorrow.
ciao
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