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I remember well all the pain, the joy, and the lies I have told for so many times,to my loved ones and most important to myself.I lived a lie for so many of the younger years of my life.I thought I did it to protect those I loved,But as I think about it now I really did it to protect myself,I guess that's what we do to get by.I didn't have a bad childhood,but then again I've always said no matter what I was going through,what I'm going to go through there is always someone out there somewhere worst off than me,That has and does give me comfort for the most part,and though my childhood wasn't that bad it was not without it's disappointments,it's pain and trust me there was a lot of pain.Most I guess I caused to myself,but I got through it.I don't think I would have if it wasn't for my grandmother,I said earlier in this story that she was a story all itself and when I explain what I meant you'll understand.She was my rock,my savior and my biggest fan.She was very special, not only to me but my whole family,she in a way kept our family together.I know if it wasn't for her I would have been insane.She was something.......

By this time of this big move,I had realized that the reason that I had felt different was that I was gay.As this posed a bigger problem for me(How was I going to tell my family),With this move I couldn't at this time tell my family,My mom had enough to contend with.We ended up moving in with my cousin her son and her new boyfriend,in a two bedroom trailer.Talk about being cramped,it was awful.I didn't know at that time my cousin was moving with her boyfriend and we were staying in the trailer.It was not a good fit for all of us.It was crowded,but what was my mom to do.She was atlas away from the man who made her life miserable.I know now it was for the best and we made the best of it at the time.Besides I was so wrapped up in myself and my new found life that I really did not care.I still was trying to figure out how I was going to tell her I was gay.At this point and time I didn't know what to do and I was really in need of some advise,but where was I going to find it?I knew no-one here and really didn't trust my brothers and my sister was to young to be objective,I felt so alone and was vastly getting depressed and this would be the beginning of a long and painful journey to me being depressed and rebellious