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once i told David that every guy i have been with was just a ripple in the water but he was my rain. i meant it. and i always will. i just hope we can make it through this.

me and him are not seeing eye to eye. i can't bring myself to tell him but he wants me to. he is not getting any happier with me. i just wish i could just ignore everything about him and another girl but i can't and it hurts and i don't think he understands that. he is always getting into arguments with his friend Britt about how she crosses the line sometimes and she don't think she did. but it was his line not hers. well he needs to understand this is my line. and he is a mile over it. and i don't know if i can put up with it forever. and i don't want to. I'm crying every day. i don't know if he wants to be with her. if she moved here would he leave me for her? even if he would he would never tell me that. i feel like I'm curling into a black ball that is slowly shriveling up and falling to dust. and if he don't do something about it i'm just gonna blow away.

j want to tell David how i feel but i don't want him to spaz out at me. i don't want to think I'm trying to be over baring. i just don't want him to dump me for a girl that he told me he wasn't going to go for. yes i know she is in south Carolina but i know he loves her. and i will always want him to be happy but i don't want to get hurt just so he can figure out he wants to be with her. i want the two ex girlfriends of his gone. if means what he says that would be OK. but i don't want to do that to him. but friends that are girls and ones that are ex girlfriends are to different things, don't you think. he don't know how much it hurts to know that the man i love and that tells me every night he loves me, also loves another girl. one that's pretty and older and smarter and i don't know if he gets along with her better. just the thought of him loving her is making me start to cry. i can feel a lump in my throat and tears flowing into my eyes.

i just had a pregnancy scare and i got a test and it came back negative. but david just don't know how to react to it. i'm never gonna have babies. me and david have had the most horrible past few days. i can't take it. i love him and he still loves his ex that is pretty and closer to his age and that he knows better. i don't want to lose him. i have been crying none stop. my hormones are going nuts. i lost micheal but i don't want to lose david.