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I have just finished off this bottle of yumminess in hopes of getting some sleep tonight, as I didn't sleep a wink last night. I am so anxious for this trip to the mountains I can hardly stand it. I don't know why I'm so afraid... or why I care so much. I am usually too excited to sleep, but this is just pure anxiety. Guess I'll gaze into the ol black mirror for comfort tonight...



Wish me luck on this "vacation"!

(I'm bringing my computer so that hopefully I will be on the forums throughout my trip, xo)

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DarkestTemptation
18:03 Mar 25 2016

I hope you have a safe trip an be careful up in the mountains.

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So many thought processes going on at once, all the time. It so often seems like no amount of meditation, or anything can get my brain to quiet down... Sometimes, I wonder if the days on end of lack of sleep will eventually cause something horrific.. and so often, I find myself wishing it would.

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DarkestTemptation
17:49 Mar 23 2016

You need to shut out all thoughts if you are to quiet your mind an meditate. Then a long nights sleep might do you some good as well. I hope that no horrific comes to you.

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Entering day 3 of 0 minutes of sleep. Last night was hardest.. I am still so physically exhausted, mentally non existent. I am going to try again, hopefully this time to some avail, to swallow these sleeping pills and hope for a reaction. I'm used to pretty severe insomnia, every night. But this is too taxing for me to handle properly, especially when my spiritual body is becoming malnourished due to my lack of social interaction. Why is it so damn hard?? People are just people. I can love them, taste them, crave them, even open changes within them... so why can't I be one of them? As far as social situations. Focusing my sights on one to three people is so much easier than dealing with a room full. I wasn't always this way.. I used to be a jetblack social butterfly, but I guess depression and anxiety gets the best of everyone, ey?



I had a great opportunity to feed tonight. My perfect, ideal situation folded out in front of me, and here I am, ME, too sleep deprived to even satisfy my own greater being... is this what its come down to, Depression? I could be enjoying a fabulous feed or some sexy dream transmissions.

I'll be awake until my body collapses, so I sure hope my brain decides to surrender and let me rest and have my fun!