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So I don't lost this when it auto-cleans the mailbox. She might not message back right away or at all.





I don't hate you and I really want to trust you. The real question would be, can I? Can I really trust you not to run to my sister or mother and tell everything I'm saying right now? You were really close to them the last time I talked to everyone out there. So what should I say? What should I do? I can't just jump into talking to you and then learn that you talked to mom about everything and then they start up another round of shit again. Eller fucking tried through Poncho's account, cussing me out and shit because of the caption underneath their pictures, which of, by the way have been removed. I removed everyone's pictures cause I don't want the drama anymore. You have no IDEA how much I cried and was hurt over all this. And none of you, and this includes you too, seemed to care. At ALL. You all removed yourselves from my life, too cowardly to call though. The whole fucking reason to coming back up here was for the baby and now they have abandoned him more than me. They will never know him, never see him laugh, or hear him cry, or nothing.



I can't fucking be their emotional punching bag any longer. I fucking refuse to be used any longer and if this is all you want from me Ashley Wells, then don't bother writing back. If you REALLY want to talk to me, then I guess I can always give it a shot and hope for the best.



-Heather-







----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: *Ashley Wells* (flareanw@myspace.com)

To: ♥xXxReadyMadePoisonxXx♥ (24427077)

Date: Jun 22, 2010 2:40 PM

Subject: Re: RE: Re: RE: hey pretty lady









heather i dont blam you jason hears me bitch about them all the time. they are only drama and they are selfish all they do is drink and knock me down when im not around. i will stay home for two three days i wont hear anything but as soon as the want money or smokes they come a knoking. thats awsome the baby is doing good with you and you can swim i couldnt when i was prego lol alison did not like it at all im sorry your mom did that i dont agree with alot of things she does she makes me angry and once agian im sorry i didnt wright sooner and that i didnt call you after jason had to call 911 and i hurd you called and i didnt know you wanted a call or mesg im sorry well i really hope you dont hate me as for poncho yes ellers back with him he gets out of prison in two days so yea more stupitady. im really glad to hear you and baby are good



----------------- Original Message -----------------

From: ♥xXxReadyMadePoisonxXx♥

Date: Jun 22, 2010 3:59 PM







God damn it I don't know who to fucking trust out there anymore. Do you realize just how fucked up mom and everyone out there is? Is Eller with Poncho now? I think she might have used his account to cuss me out on here. I blocked him though. That won't happen again and if she tries it with any other profile I'll report her ass, I'm so tired of being treated like fucking shit by these people. There for awhile I didn't have a phone and I kinda do now but not all the time.....I don't hate anyone out there really, cause to hate them you have to think about them. I try not to think about them at all let alone let them be anything to me right now. They hurt me bad and it took awhile to get over it but now I'm just tired of all their fucking drama. As for calling you, that phone cut out and we lost everything on it, I mean everything. All the ringtones, numbers, pictures, everything. ....About my baby, he's fine and ALL my tests have come back normal, so he's doing well, according to my doctor. I'm doing alright, a little dehydrated during some of the hotter days here but other than that okay. I've been to the pool here on those days, and he didn't like the first try, but he got used to the second and third. But seriously my mom not only disowned me, but she disowned the baby and Matt as well. She damaged that trust and everything with everyone out there. I just don't know who to fucking trust anymore. I don't want to get mixed up with all the shit that goes down out there now on a regular basis. It hurts too much every time I get kicked in the gut by them. It really does.....-Heather-........----------------- Original Message -----------------..From: *Ashley Wells* (flareanw@myspace.com)..To: ♥xXxReadyMadePoisonxXx♥ (24427077)..Date: Jun 21, 2010 2:53 PM..Subject: Re: RE: hey pretty lady..........hey i gave you my number and thats my fuck up i was waiting for you to call or something. its not that i dont care and i have not talked to sence the day you left so i didnt lie to you and as for your mom she fucking nuts i try not to talk to her cause she just uses me and talks shit behind my back. im really sorry i did not write untill now so please dont hate me and your mother disowning you thats just fucking retarded she is really selfish thats her stupidy. i never once lied to you about any thing and im sorry it took so long and its not that i dont care cause you cross my mind all the time i really dont know what else to say if you hate me and never want to talk to me good luck with the baby i wish you the best. ....----------------- Original Message -----------------..From: ♥xXxReadyMadePoisonxXx♥..Date: Jun 21, 2010 8:07 PM........You don't know why I would be upset and hate everyone out there huh? Well while you are out holding my mom's hand I'm sure you will understand that SHE disowned me and tried to kill herself and everything else and you didn't even have the balls to tell me about it yourselves. You also stopped talking to me when she did and you never even cared to find out about the baby until now? I could have had him already and you wouldn't even have noticed. Oh, and by the way you can tell my mom that she did get my medical card already cause I have the paperwork that says so. All of you lied to me and I hate being lied to. So YOU tell me why I shouldn't hate everyone out there! If you really cared about me or the baby where have you been this whole time?........----------------- Original Message -----------------..From: *Ashley Wells* (flareanw@myspace.com)..To: ♥xXxReadyMadePoisonxXx♥ (24427077)..Date: Jun 20, 2010 12:01 AM..Subject: hey pretty lady..........hey how is you doing hows the pregnancy write back if you can i hope you don't hate me don't know why you would miss you...

I love you Matt, more than life itself. You have no idea how much you mean to me. I have never felt this way about anyone before and I'm glad I fell in love with you.



You are the world to me. :)







I love waking up next to you every morning. :)

Do you ever feel like you think too much? Or worry too much? All the thoughts in your head won't go away, or even be still enough for you to breathe? I feel like that right now. That if I don't get them out, I will explode. I worry so much about the future and what will happen to Matt and I that I can't hardly sleep. And when I do, it's the weirdest things I dream of. I really wish sometimes that I didn't move back up here. That maybe all the stress and worry that my brain is under isn't worth the risk to the baby.



But we're here, and I suppose it's for the best. I don't really know anymore what is good for us and what's not. My blood family is what makes the regret so hard to swallow, like a poison coursing through my veins. And yet they make you swallow more and more and more of it until you go completely numb from it all. Then something else comes along and makes the pain from that poison slowly, ever so slowly, disappear. Waking up the mind and feeling for the first time that you can trust someone hurts as much as it heals. Cause something dead coming back to life is never pleasant. It will make you feel a whole lot better, but the process still is painful to the senses at first.



I can't imagine where my life will head, and I certainly don't want to know all the gory details ahead of time. Yes it would be nice to prepare for some things, but then if you knew all the bad stuff ahead, the good stuff in between would be ruined too. All we can do is hope for the best and live life without as much fear as we can spare, cause it will take courage and strength to face the dark days and the lighter ones ahead of us all. Wow, my head and heart feel a little lighter than it did before. I still have a worry in the back of my head, but who doesn't these days?



Thanks to my family at hand do I know what true caring is all about.

Well, I am happier than I have been in weeks. I have only one more month of this pregnancy left. I am so excited about our little baby boy Scott coming into the world. I have most to all we need for him, including his bed and stuff. I am so grateful to my family for the love and support they have shown us both. Not my blood family, but my adoptive family. They've given us so much. I hope they know how much this all means to me. :)