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CorruptedInnocence44's Journal


CorruptedInnocence44's Journal

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3 entries this month

 

Curious

21:20 Jul 09 2011
Times Read: 496


I feel a pull from somewhere, from someone but I am unable to lock on to it to tell where and who it is coming from.



The need to know is so great that it confuses me as well as irritates me at the same time. I do not like evasiveness and yet that is all I get.



What could this person possibly want with me and why just not say it? I'm curious to know, I need to know because I constantly crave to learn new things where ever I can.



This is where guidance and help would greatly benefit me and I'm trying to be patient about it.


COMMENTS

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Struggling

18:13 Jul 09 2011
Times Read: 502


Today I find myself struggling with my thoughts, at least I hope they are all mine. I feel so lost and not sure why. I am happy for the most part, I have a wonderful active 3 yr old daughter and she always can brighten my day. I'm stable at my job, which I absolutely love, but I find myself longing for more than just that. I keep telling myself that I don't need a man in my life to make me happy, but it doesn't change that I want that. It seems as though it starts out really good but when they find out about me and what it is that I can do they seem to run for the hills. I always ask myself why? and what did i do?

It's stressful and I do my best not to think about it, but in my off time I can't help but wonder about it all.

I want someone that will understand me and what I go through and accept me for all that I am, why is that so hard to find?



I'm always being told that I'm a great person but all I'm ever seen as is a great friend and co worker, never anything more, sure with most of the people I come into contact with on a daily basis I do not like that way, but there is always at least one person that I see that way. I can usually tell how they see me but with a few exceptions I cannot read them to find out. Why is that? Am I too close to the situation to feel it out properly, or do I need more patience and practice?



Sometimes I do not know which direction I should go in and in that is where I become lost and confused of where it is exactly that I'm headed. I'd prefer to be prepared for it but that isn't always an option. I know that I could use some guidance and advice, but sometimes the advice and guidance I do get, even though it is appreciated and I do understand doesn't make it easier for me to follow through with it. I know from being the one to give people advice that not being in that situation yourself can make it seem easier to tell them what they should do, but for them it is a battle between their heart and doing what is necessary and right. I want to get past that and yes I'm not going to lie it will hurt in the process but like everything else i will continue to push forward even if it's slow going at first.


COMMENTS

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MSchievous
MSchievous
06:16 Jul 16 2011

i really understand this. i myself feel the same way.





 

Frustrated

04:49 Jul 09 2011
Times Read: 511


Since I was 4 I have been able to do things most children at that age shouldn't have to deal with, especially alone.



I have been able to see the dead where ever I go, my mother used to tell me that I would outgrow that and that it was all in my head. Of course I didn't outgrow it but she assumed I did because I stopped talking about it. I would see them every night and they would talk to me or touch me and by the time I was 13, even though I was used to it, it scared the hell out of me.



When I was 8 I had gained the ability to manipulate the weather, it was confusing to me and has been ever since. It will respond to me based on my mood at that time and it frustrates me because I cannot control it.



When I hit my early to mid 20's I was able to feel what other people feel and it would confuse me as to why I was feeling it because I didn't understand what was happening to me, I had thought those were my feelings but didn't know what was triggering me to feel that way.



I have also been able to hear people's thoughts, not at will but when they are open minded enough to broadcast it, I end up hearing it. Many people that I work with don't understand how I know what I do about them or about how they are feeling. I do my best to give them the best advice I can think of, even though I know they will not take it and use it they at least hear me out.



I am able to attach myself to someone and will be able to absorb their energy and make it my own, but I haven't grasped how to let them go, so I'm constantly absorbing their energy making them tired and weak, and it makes me feel bad.



I also have the ability to heal, and although it helps them at the time they do not understand that what is taken from them has to have somewhere to go that it doesn't just vanish into nothing. Usually depending on what it is I will take from them and absorb it into myself, because I know I will overcome it much easier than they will.



One ability that I absolutely do not like is premonition. I do not like seeing the future of people that I know and are close to me. I cannot control what I see and when I see it and it irritates me that I cannot gain control over it. I'm sure with practice it will help but I've been practicing for the better part of a year and I can't seem to get it right.



I feel like I do not know myself anymore because I don't understand what I am. Many call these ability gifts but they have been nothing but a curse for me my entire life. I do appreciate them at times, they have kept me safe from other people seeking to do harm against me, but when that is not happening I feel lost and feel like I am losing my mind.


COMMENTS

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crossbow
crossbow
04:58 Jul 09 2011

You are not alone...there are others like you!!





Grayangel
Grayangel
01:38 Jul 10 2011

I get frustrated at time with it all and just want it to go away. I never get used to it the last time I really freaked was at my brothers funeral, just say we are like magnets to the departed and others. I got to say good by to my brother and laugh with him at the same time.Long story short he was a elvis fan and love to sing like him so when the sad music came on he tried to entertain in him fun filled way...thats the way he is.








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