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Happy Mother's Day everybody

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LadyxSilvana
04:42 May 12 2020

Thank You

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But they want to put me on dialysis I was offered on Dallas one time and I refuse to said I wouldn't have long to live I was like over 10 years ago but now I feel know if I used. I want I'm kind of in a bind

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LadyxSilvana
04:43 May 12 2020

If you need to talk to someone, I am here

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So sometime last week I tried escaping from the nursing home I tried getting my power wheelchair and leaving going into the next city to be at the shelter driving down Route 20 two nurses came and found me and Drug me to my chair and forcibly brought me back I was crying the entire time is doing it me and my roommate were having serious issues I didn't want to be I didn't we just left before I was about to happen I'll get that in just a second so I go inside I ask the nurse when there's is it brought me back to go upstairs and watch TV she gave me this one of them story while I don't know if we can let you do that or not you can go watch TV in your room I'm like no I can't it do that I want to put my I want to put my hands on my roommate and she shrugging she didn't know what she say she didn't know what to say or do so I went in my room set up over my roommate and I punched him like 20 times in the face I shoved my thumb in his eyeball inside his throat advice ripped his jugular he put his hand he just want me to I will spend his time off I bet his leg and I can tell you I'm calling him and now I feel on top of them so it's hard to get a good grip if I've had an F I had a good grip he would have been dead it took like two or three nurses are used to pull me off of him and then I spent like a few days until I get reward they got my picture my prince there end sure enough I was brought back but I said it would be good for the remember make room I stay here so far that's what I'm trying to do just and my room and not bother anybody they moved his bed out of the room that were added that he was in with me so I got my room to myself I'm posting this here because I need to vent is the most healthiest way I have doing it and I'm it seems like my anger is coming back been a long time since I felt this angry right now I'm finding more just of like hot people I want to get my hands on I don't want to be this, this man anymore I have to go to court sometime and do what this due to charges I don't know how long that's going to be police officer when he came to give me a real brakes because I was being completely honest he gave me a break and honesty is the best policy went that cuz things like this in my opinion my my friends want to meet a lion like the snow. I just let you know I'm not going to lie one life can I really don't know how this is not in me anymore but being a psych ward meme evaluate some things I'm kind of stuck in the spot where I don't want to live but I can't commit suicide because I'm a real believer in God that's the same no I don't think he'll forgive you if I tried technically there's no way for me to ask him to forgive me if I can myself but yes yes yes murder case also consider the bed stand by chance he won't forgive you that either however I have no chance if I hit kill myself I don't have a chance after that at all but if I kill somebody in 47 word root cruel truth is I have a chance to ask him whether it's it's always Stephanie to be sincere but the I'm not saying I'm planning on killing anyone cuz I didn't plan for this to happen I don't want this to happen we me and him were actually friends in fact I was probably the only person on Earth that act like him translate enough now imma be the only person that actually said to put him out of his misery well he survives a text I don't know for as I know they just moved into a different area and that he's going to live honestly don't know but what I do know I'm going to die alone here I admit I've squandered every opportunity I've ever had to be with somebody I should be told it's because I'm an idiot I don't know how to make relationships work and no I want different psychiatric medicine I'm taking Seroquel can Ambien help me sleep I also confiscated my power wheelchair because I was accused trying to hit somebody with it I kept explaining that I don't need a power wheelchair to hurt somebody but nobody wants to listen to that but now I'm stuck with the manual sure that's a real pain in the ass getting out of so I'm going to keep it to myself not really socializing with anybody because I'm tired and I really got nothing else to say to anyone so I'm just going to keep to myself for now and maybe die alone I won't be so bad hopefully God knows and I'm lost I'm truly sorry I'll be free as me and I'll try to see my dad and my grandma my aunt my aunt and grandfather I'm looking forward to seeing them again I'll be as good as I can I promise