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People make it hard to talk about my feelings. There’s all these do’s and don’t’s anymore.
I don’t even bother anymore. Just the same I have a lot to say but it would just be wasted of energy anyway.

COMMENTS

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xValhallaxEternalx
05:10 Dec 28 2024

Speak your mind, who the hell cares what others think?

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Cadrewolf2
06:04 Dec 28 2024

Its your journal and our feelings who cares spill it out.

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So I grew up when the purity culture was just becoming popular.
I was all for keeping myself pure in that way until marriage I didn’t have any desire for it because I hadn’t even reached sexual maturity yet but imagine the mind fuck of being molested only a year after I had decided to become a christian.
I wasn’t pure anymore which only added to my shame.
I believe it was a much deeper wound than if I would have just been fornicating.
It made me responsible for what men did to me and didn’t put the blame where it belonged. The shame and embarrassment was much heavier than if I hadn’t known that fornication was wrong.
It’s hard to put into words really. Women are charged with being modest so they didn’t tempt men. Men’s excuse well she tempted me.
To me no amount of a woman being modest is going to save them from a man that has bad intentions in his heart to hurt a woman in that way.
I became hyper sexual which is sometimes the case with sexual abuse the opposite can also be true as well.
This is just skimming the surface of this subject as I haven’t really taken a deep dive into it like I have with cult/spiritual abuse. I do feel it’s a part of it. I feel that it is a spiritual abuse.

Well these past two months have been the stupidest yet. It seems to be getting worse.
It’s okay I don’t know why I fight so hard I don’t want to be here anyway some days.