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What the hell? i dont have swine flu *cough cough*
07:26 Apr 29 2009 Times Read: 906
okay. i'm going to let you guys in on a little something...my life has been beyond shit lately. i'll just break it down in order of occurance.
first, i get sick. a cold/viral thing...sick for freaking like a week hardcore and i still have a bad cough. so everyone is freaking treating me like i have the damn SWINE FLU! some ppl have even asked me ...so do you have that? have you seen a doctor? have you been to mexico lately?? fuck you!! you think i 'm an idiot!! if i were sick like that i would keep my happy ass home and post on VR all day and work towards SIRE!@! fucking asswipes!! and i still have a cough so when i did try to work out ppl were giving me nasty looks so i just gave up and freaking left...i havent worked out for 2 weeks prob and i feel like shit!! i need to work out! it is part of my mental health...it keeps me sane and happier.
i get a case that is another fucking incredible case...shipped the kid in from out of state. his dad in his crack head state deceided to stab his mother over 70 times in front of him including in the eye, throat and cutting her finger off. so yeah...that kid is a bit screwed up right now ...remember i work w/ kids who are under 8.
then i go to get a lovely mammogram (get them ladies!) and it comes back with concerning findings. so i go for another...again more suspious findings...so now i have a sonogram. okay, just so you know i have 3 Aunts who have had it, 1 died and 1 may have died from it they just dont know where her cancer originated from. soooooooo...yeah, that is fucked up.
then i have a 4 year old come in and cant sit down b/c his granny in her infinite fucking wisdom BEAT him w/ a belt and left cuts, welt, and slashes all over his back, butt, and legs and even side ribs...go figure he wouldnt lay still? so that is lovely helping the cops take pictures of the kid...bitch.
then i find out the true EVIL murder (who is different from the few other murders who are bad and crazy) that i testified against is working hard to get a retrial and we (the kid) and i would have to testify again!!!!!!! fuck off!! someone please just shank him! kill him dead
then i have to tell a mom sorry you took morphine and seizure medication while you were pregnant and your child is just little, but also just screwed. you cant undo that!!! i dont have any magic therapy to fix his brain. we talked about what she could do to help but part was mourn loss of a typical child...you get what you get. DONT TAKE DRUGS WHEN YOU ARE PREGNANT!!! AND ALCOHOL IS THE WORST!!!
now the doosy...i call my dad the one person in my life who has always been there and loved me unconditional and has always found a way to help or take care of me...you should know my dad has a chronic and severe mental illness and at times i have to parent him...so anyway...i called him to tell him about my breast crap and he sounds horrible. i joke w/ him about him sounding like keith richards and i asked if he changed meds cause he sounded over medicated. he said no...he was just tired, so eventually after i keep poking at him ...he tells me in feb. he lost 30 pounds and went to the doctor. they did test and found he has prostate cancer. and that it has spread all into his bones. he said it is treatable. he has an appt tomorrow w/ his proctologist to talk about treatment and he is talking about hormone treatment...which after i research is fine for a piece of treatment but not for full on only treatment...especially for someone with a severe mood disorder.
so then i missed a school staffing at work b/c i was crying and couldnt deal w/ 'pretending' to be all professional and shit, and the grandma leaves me a horrible message on my message machine. i cant explain to her anything...all i can say is i had a family emergency. i want her to know i really am sorry. so if you guys see a therapist and they have to flake out on you...please remember we are people too and we have families and shit happens to us as well. okay? try to. i know it is hard.
then i talked to my dad's girlfriend tonight who is a threapist back there in their town...and she said dad is not doing well and he is always tired and that he has made comments about not fighting it. and that he isnt even going to go to an oncologist b/c his proctologist said he can do the treatment (he treated my grandfather and great-uncle's cancers...by the way both are dead ...so in my opinion i'm not impressed w/ his track record!) so my dad is stubborn as a freaking mule and the only person in my life that i know will always love me. when he dies my life will be sooo lost.
i just am so scared, pissed, and depressed and confused and i find myself laughing one min and then crying the next and then snapping at someone the next. i am beyond crap right now...
now john mcenroe is on craig ferguson talking about prostate cancer. the universe works in bizare ways...
please feel free to send me good energy and love but i dont need pity...i'm only posting this soo ppl understand what i am going thru and why i'm not very social lately. i dont want you to think i dont cherish each of you...you guys are so great to me. thank you. *hugs*
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